How About a Joke Thread ?

[App'z]

Lil Johnnys wife writes.

Lil Johnny is immediately touched by his Wifes tender thoughts and asks, "Can you bring me a Dude Wipe from the hall closet?"

 

[App'z]

Lady: Do you drink?
Lil Johnny: Yes
Lady: How much a day?
Lil Johnny: 3- 6 packs
Lady: How much per 6 pack
Lil Johnny: about $9 / 10.00
Lady: And how long have you been drinking?
Lil Johnny: Maybe 15 years
Lady: So 1- 6 pack cost $9 / 10.00 and you have 3 packs a day which puts your spending each month at $900.
In one year, it would be $10,800 correct?
Lil Johnny: Sort of
Lady: If in 1 year you spend $10,800 not accounting for inflation,
the past 15 years puts your spending at $162,000 correct?
Lil Johnny; Sort of Correct
Lady: Do you know that if you hadn't drank,
that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and
after accounting for compound interest for the past 15 years,
you could have now bought a Ferrari?
Lil Johnny: Do you drink?
Lady: No
Lil Johnny: "So if you didn't drink for 15 years where is your kids and Farrari ?"

 

[MarathonMike]

Roger went to a psychiatrist for his phobia.
"Doc Roberts," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed,
I think there's somebody under it.
I get under the bed, I think there's somebody on top of it.
Top, under, top, under. You gotta help me, I'm going crazy!"
"Just put yourself in my hands for two years," Doc Roberts said ,
"Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears."
"How much do you charge?"
"A hundred dollars per visit." Says Doc Roberts !
"I'll sleep on it," said the man.
Six months later the Dr. Roberts sees Roger on the street.
Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist.
"For a hundred buck's a visit? My Bar Tender Lil Johnny cured me for ten dollars."
"Is that so! How?" asks Dr. Roberts
"Lil Johnny told me to cut off the Beds Legs !"

That's pretty good, but you need to get out of the history forum.

 

[BackAgain]

Most (maybe not all) of the little Johnny “jokes” are either indecipherable gibberish or simply not funny.

Is this in History because it involves a history of unfunny humor?

 

[Hossfly]

That's pretty good, but you need to get out of the history forum.

Maybe flacaltenn can handle it.

 

[App'z]

Lil Johnny Jokes are History at its best Funny place !

 

[App'z]

Little Johnny and the History Exam
In class one day, Mr. Johnson pulled Johnny over to his desk after a test, and said, "Johnny I have a feeling that you have been cheating on your tests." Johnny was astounded and asked Mr. Johnson to prove it. "Well," said Mr. Johnson, "I was looking over your test and the question was, 'Who was our first president?', and the little girl that sits next to you, Tammy Jackson, put 'George Washington,' and so did you." "So, everyone knows that he was the first president." said little Johnny with his little innocent eyes open large. "Just wait a minute," said Mr. Johnson. "The next question was, 'Who freed the slaves?' Tammy put Abraham Lincoln and so did you." "Well, I read the history book last night and I remembered that," said Johnny. "Wait, wait," said Mr. Johnson. "The next question was, 'Who was president during the Louisiana Purchase?'
And you put down TJ. What you got to say for yourself.
So lil Johnny looks at Mr T. Johnson and says, " your name isn't Jefferson is it ?"

Now thats History a kid will always remember ! Lol

 

[App'z]

Of Course "Lil Johnny's " gonna send you 'all scattering back to where your decrepit holes ! Count on it ! {Thas What Lil Johnny said ! } ↑↓→→ ( twljs )

 

[App'z]

Give m Hell Lil Johnny !

 

[App'z]

A visitor to Lil Johnnys store asks him, " what's the best present for my love, I have Roses ?"

Well; Lil Johnny says, "Your question only has one answer, Chocolate"

The visitor asks, " How do I know that she even likes Chocolate and will be pleased ?"

Well Lil Johnny thinks for a few moments and says, " Choc - o - late ".

 

[App'z]

Lil Johnny's on the loose again !

 

[App'z]

Lil Johnny's on Executive Perks today !

 

[Captain Caveman]

What's grey and tickles a horse's arse?

Obama's pubes.

 

[App'z]

Did EE really think EE got something to Loose ?

 

[App'z]

 

[App'z]

Little Johnny comes home and tells his daddy, “Dad, tomorrow there’s a special ‘Adults’ evening’ at school.
-
Daddy is surprised, “Really? Special?”
-
“Yes,” nods Johnny, “it will be just you, the teacher, the headmaster and two police officers.”

 

[App'z]

 

[App'z]

Teacher asks his class one day, “What would you like to be when you grow up?”

Johnny answers first, saying, “I will follow in my father’s footsteps and become a policeman.”

Teacher raises his eyebrows, “Johnny, I didn’t know your father is a policeman.”

“Well, he isn’t,” explains Johnny. “He’s a burglar.”

 

[App'z]

A humous analogy of a mans life as he said it ! TWHS !

 

[App'z]

Rob goes to the dentist to have a tooth pulled.
Lil Johnny, the dentist takes out a needle to give Rob a shot of Novocain.
"No way, no needles, I can't stand needles."
Lil Johnny, the dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas
but the man again objects. "No gas, the mask on my face is suffocating to me."
Lil Johnny the dentist then asks if Rob has any objection to taking a pill.
"No," said Rob, "I'm fine with pills."
Lil Johnny, the dentist then returns and says, "Here's a Viagra tablet."
Rob asks, "Wow, I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain pill."
"It doesn't," says Lil Johnny, the dentist
"but it will give you something to hold on to when I pull out your tooth."