jeri....how new to your lord are you?
I got saved Oct 18, 1989 at 8:58 p.m., Strollingbones., then I had an amazing walk with the Lord and led many people to Christ and prayed for folks and they would get healed and all that, but I also was always very poor and I didn't think I fit in with the churches because they all taught that if I was an obedient christian I should be walking in prosperity but I wasn't. I bought all my clothes and my sons clothes at the thrift store. At Christmas time I had to buy my sons presents from the thrift store too. I remember one year I got him a bag of balloons and a board game from the thrift store for his birthday and the pieces were missing to it. ( we were homeless at that time but I was beginning to get my wall paper jobs then and shortly after we got an apartment of our own ) I never got any child support but I never asked for it either because his dad was a very mean person. I was glad he was gone when my son was 2 weeks old and we never saw him again. As to my life as a christian in my early years.. I didn't even have a bank account. I would do my jobs day by day and get paid for hanging paper and then I'd pay the bills by driving to the electric store and the phone bill place and the used car lot and the apt. manager, to pay them in cash. ( The Holy Spirit taught me how to hang wallpaper very quickly after I got saved )
I would get my paychecks cashed at the check cashing place and pay a fee because I didn't have a bank account. I also gave money away to strangers if I saw their grocery basket had stuff like cans of spam in it.. just little things God would show me they needed money for some more food at the time and I would tell them Jesus told me to give you this.. then they would thank Jesus in their hearts. I never did have anything left over, Strollingbones. Still I felt very alienated from other christians during that time and I think it is because I didn't have the clothes they did and my car was a bucket, and I didn't think I was blessed like them. I was ashamed of myself in a weird kind of way. I don't think I managed the money the Lord gave me very well either because no one ever taught me how to do that. I felt like there was something seriously wrong with me. Also some of the christians I met seemed very busy and didn't seem to notice me or my son if we visited a church because we were poor. I'm not judging them, God forgive me I thank God for being poor all that time because now my eyes are open to help someone quickly. If I can get my husband to agree with me for it!

( I have to ask him as he is in charge of the money in our house )
So then I became very shut in with God and didn't have tv, just prayed and read spiritual books and my bible and stayed away from people for the most part. I never went to church during those years either. Then I married my husband and it was very hard to describe how difficult things became but apart from my own family abandoning me for my walk with God it became unbearable and then I was driven to pray even deeper like getting up at 4 a.m. and going out to the woods to pray until daybreak and walking the land reading the bible out loud and then something happened.. I remember the morning, it was 4 a.m. and I won't say what it was but it knocked the breath out of me and after that I started running away from God because I said, Lord? I cannot take this anymore! This is too much! Too much! So I sinned big!
There is alot more to it really. I went back to the internet and to the Jewish people I met on the boards who became a family to me and I started cussing and fighting with the other side and would never admit Israel did anything wrong or that any Jewish person could do ever do anything wrong..It was as if I claimed sinless perfection over them! To hear me talk they walked on the water! ( I still love them and Israel but they are not seated on the throne of my heart any longer )
I would just deny, deny, deny and justify myself all along! I refused to preach the gospel to the Jews because I didn't want to offend them and I told God let someone else do that, I don't want do it..* can you imagine? He should have squashed me like a bug right then....
then I would go back and forth with him and then finally he dealt with me head on about it right here on this very board and I said, alright. I surrender! Just give me an opportunity to apologise to the person I offended here and I'll do whatever you say! He did, the person forgave me and now? Here we are! That's it in a nutshell best I can tell it. My husband just told me that there are people coming over here so I will have to go for now. I hope to come back later, God willing. I hope you have a happy day today, Strollingbones, and everything goes well. It looks pretty out there today! I think it will be a good day.
* But even though I wouldn't do it at first I did repent and I am doing it now!