For Dads with Daughters

[Mr. P]

I would have put this in Humor but
there is nothing funny about our Daughters Dating...Right Guys?

I'm slap into this process of my daughter dating but don't find it humorous at all!
These rules make me feel better, especially when I hand a copy to the young Stud!



The 10 Rules For Dating My Daughter...

RULE 1
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking up anything.

RULE 2
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I WILL remove them.

RULE 3
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes to big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off in the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

RULE 4
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world sex without utilizing a "Barrier Method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I WILL kill you.

RULE 5
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: "early."

RULE 6
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I WILL make you cry.

RULE 7
As you stand in my front hallway waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there why don't you do something useful like changing the oil in my car?

RULE 8
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter:
Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff t-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose-down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

RULE 9
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind my house. Do not trifle with me.

RULE 10
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announcing in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

 

[UsaPride]

I love this!
I seen it awhile back and printed it up for my stepdad who has 3 teenage daughters. He already gave a few of these rules to the oldest girls boyfriend, when he seen this, he gave the boy the rest of the rules, LOL!!! :dev1:

 

[DKSuddeth]

I prefer being in the living room cleaning my gun when my daughter decides to invite a boy over. :2guns:

 

[5stringJeff]

My little girl is going to be 11 in a few months... thank God she is not interested in boys yet, but I'm sure that will change pretty soon!

 

[Mr. P]

My little girl is going to be 11 in a few months... thank God she is not interested in boys yet, but I'm sure that will change pretty soon!

Any day now...Bud...

 

[Joz]

What's the matter with you fellows? Remember, you dated 'daughters'. Or is that the problem?

 

[DKSuddeth]

What's the matter with you fellows? Remember, you dated 'daughters'. Or is that the problem?

and watching that daughters father clean his gun as he instructed me on the finer points of having his daughter home on time made one hell of an impression.

 

[Sandy73]

This is why I thank GOD I didn't have daughters !

I remember what I put my parents through ! :dev1:

 

[Joz]

and watching that daughters father clean his gun as he instructed me on the finer points of having his daughter home on time made one hell of an impression.

:rotflmao:

I'm sorry I find this amusing. But then, I've never been a young man!

 

[Joz]

This is why I thank GOD I didn't have daughters.....

I felt the same way about my boys. They had rules. They also knew they'd BETTER NOT disrespect/ hurt any girl or they'd have ME to deal with.

 

[KLSuddeth]

And DK is the nice one.....

Me, Id prefer simply to ask the boy if he is attached to his penis. After his stammering, I will say, 'if you would like to CONTINUE BEING attachd to it, keep your damned drawers zipped, boy'.

An ammended rule for the list.....

Remember when dating my daughter, yes her father will clean the gun in front of you....however, I, her mother will pistol whip your sleazy ass.

Hey, I never claimed to be nice

 

[Sandy73]

I felt the same way about my boys. They had rules. They also knew they'd BETTER NOT disrespect/ hurt any girl or they'd have ME to deal with.

Joz in addition to the above rules.. I have also told them not to be a cheap ass !

 

[5stringJeff]

What's the matter with you fellows? Remember, you dated 'daughters'. Or is that the problem?

That's exactly the problem! I know what I was like, and I know how far my g/fs in high school would go, so I know what these damn kids are gonna be like. I am trying to instill good values in my daughter so she doesn't do what my high school girlfriends did!

 

[KLSuddeth]

Jeff, good luck my friend. Good luck.

 

[fuzzykitten99]

:rotflmao:

I'm sorry I find this amusing. But then, I've never been a young man!

If you find this thread amusing, try listening to Bill Engvall's CD's. Specifically the "Now that's awesome" one...my hubby wants to have a daughter just so he can use this line from the cd on her boyfriends "When you get thinking about huggin & kissin...keep this in mind...I have no problem going back to prison." (though he's never been there.

 

[Joz]

Joz in addition to the above rules.. I have also told them not to be a cheap ass !

:teeth:

 

[Joz]

Why be on the boy's ass? Why not the daughter's?

I remember once when I was first starting to date. I was in the backseat with a fellow while my parents were in the front seat, going someplace. The fellow kissed me a little longer than apparently my father thought necessary. It never happened again. And nothing was ever said to the BOY by either of my parents.

I think you are right GOP that you need to instill in your daughter values. SHE will be the one that keeps the boy in line. She needs to understand that the boy's actions aren't out of love & respect. And that when he threatens to leave her because of that.....let him go. He isn't worth it!

 

[Joz]

I have to say this.
When I dated, my father would converse with the boys, treat them with respect, was always helpful, friendly. My father was an average size man 5'11"; had arms on him you wouldn't believe! Milked cows when he was young.

The young men behaved themselves, as much as possible, knowing that my father would indeed hurt them, tho' nothing was said. He commanded respect for himself & his family. I was to take care of the rest.

A couple of the young men would come back & see my parents long after I was married because of how they had been treated by them. My dad was smart. I miss him.

 

[Said1]

This is why I thank GOD I didn't have daughters !

I remember what I put my parents through ! :dev1:

My poor mother, I'm surprised I'm not still locked in my room. My daughter is 6, I can hardly wait till she starts dating.....NOT.

 

[ken]

Mr. P,

I have located you.

I've only scanned the posts here, and this is fabulous.

As the Dad of 2.3 children, of which at least 2 are confirmed girls at this point, this is hillarious. I cut-n-pasted it out, if I need to show credit, I will.
This is exactly how I feel.


As usual, you may not hear from me for a bit, but thanks for the heads-up concerning the "change of venue". Our mutual friend J also let me know.

Thanks,





KEN