Tell that to Virginia.
The simple fact is, the South wanted the war. 7 of the states seceded even before Lincoln was President. And the new Confederate President called up 100,000 soldiers to fight for the south, and lay siege to Fort Sumter. In response to that President Lincoln also made a call for volunteers. By that time Virginia had voted against secession.
However, then the infamous second vote of April 1861 happened, where the decision to pass it to the people to decide was made. And in what is often considered one of the most corrupt elections in history the vote passed and Virginia left. And the vote was so contested that much of the northern part of the state themselves seceded and became West Virginia.
But Virginia asked for no accommodation, the warhawks wanted a war and they got their war. And remember, that they followed 7 states that did not even wait for Lincoln to be sworn in before pulling out.