Learning to REALLY Listen

Discussion in 'Current Events' started by IndependntLogic, Dec 5, 2011.

  1. IndependntLogic

    IndependntLogic Senior Member

    Jul 14, 2011
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    My daughter has become a beautiful teen ager. Ugh. She has a boyfriend
    who looks like Tom Cruise when he was in "Risky Business". Double Ugh.
    But the kid is completely respectful and well-mannered and he's also
    willing to deal with a dad who won't let those two have more than 30
    seconds together unless it's daytime or we're with them. So okay, her
    facebook status is "in a relationship". Ugh.

    So I started a blog of common sense guidelines for relationships.
    She's coming to the age where learning to avoid some of the (millions
    of) mistakes I made, might be a good thing. I thought I'd just share
    the latest post with you guys. Just something a little light and off
    the norm of complaining about politics. What the heck, why not?

    Too many conversations are an exercise in one of two things:
    1. People waiting for the other person to finish speaking so they can
    what THEY want to say.
    2. People half-listening (or less) to the other person,while they are
    really giving most of their to something else. Here it is from

    Shelton's Rules On Relationships

    Learn to REALLY Listen

    Many of us have lost our ability to really communicate. Communication
    isn't expressing your thoughts or ideas to others. It's exchanging
    thoughts and ideas with others. If you don't give them your full
    attention, why should they give you theirs?
    Once upon a time, I was as guilty of this as anyone. If my wife or
    daughter talked to me during a football game or episode of my favorite
    show, if they shared ideas with me while I was on my computer, I "sort
    of" paid attention to them. Ironically, I would later get upset if
    they did the same to me while watching their programs or texting.
    So being of the belief that change starts with me, I developed a new
    habit. When either of them starts talking to me, I simply pause my
    program or turn my face completely away from the computer. What's
    funny is that at first, they thought I was getting frustrated or felt
    like they were somehow "interrupting" what was going on in my life at
    the moment. But it's your friends, lovers and family that are life -
    the tv, phone and computer are the interruptions. When you're old, you
    will probably never say "If only I'd watched a little more tv or sent
    one more text, instead of paying attention to the person I loved!". So
    everything is set aside for a moment. If I can't stop because I'm
    working, I let them know how long it will be, before I can give them
    my full attention. This is far better than trying to do both things at
    once because if you want someone to feel unloved, ignore them. They
    know that when I'm listening, I'm really listening. I'm looking at
    them, nodding and giving feedback (but not dominating the
    So when my daughter gets home from school, she goes into her room,
    sets down her things and comes into the living room, fully expecting
    the tv to be off and the computer set aside. She loves sharing all the
    details of her day with Maria and me and we love hearing about them.
    Funny thing about that. Now when I talk to my daughter, she sets her
    phone aside and maintains eye contact.
  2. Zoom-boing

    Zoom-boing Gold Member

    Oct 30, 2008
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    East Japip
    I had to take a class in college called 'Leadership and Supervisor Skills' and the first lesson was how to be an effective listener. Paying attention and hearing what the other person is saying, rather than doing something else, thinking about your response or interrupting the other person to ask questions, all which make for a poor listener. I'm the worst at the last one . . .I'm always getting flak from my oldest for it too.

    Two ears, one mouth. We should listen twice as much as we talk.

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