I Like Dogs.

[Ringel05]

Secret Cat Diary


DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from shredding the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant and cough it up on the carpeting.

DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed (again).

DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.

DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan...

DAY 768- I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo". What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth and the tiny bit of flesh under my claws.

DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies". Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird on the other hand has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time.




-------------

Dog Diary

8:00 am – Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 am – A car ride!
My favorite thing!

9:40 am – A walk in the park! My favorite
thing!

10:30 am – Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00
pm – Lunch! My favorite thi ng!

1:00 pm – Played in the yard! My favorite
thing!

3:00 pm – Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00 pm – Milk
bones! My favorite thing!

7:00 pm – Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00 pm – Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite
thing!

11:00 pm – Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!


(author unknown)

That's exactly right!!!!

 

[mudwhistle]

Velcro specializes in surprise attacks.

She specializes in:

The Flying Squirrel

The clawing bare-back slide

The pounce on his nuts sneak attack

The grab that juicy butt-cheek after the shower attack

The Flying Palm-tree and act like I'm friggen nuts or a God-Damned monkey maneuver

The Flick Potting-soil all over the friggen place technique


I'm learning new ones every day.

 

[AVG-JOE]

Cats are usually real quiet.

Cats usually don't knock over the trash in the kitchen.

You have not met my cat.

 

[Ringel05]

Cats are usually real quiet.

Cats usually don't knock over the trash in the kitchen.

You have not met my cat.

I know what you mean. We have three and the youngest, his name is Boo as in Boo in a china shop or Booby Huey, is a 20 lb, 5 year old terror.

 

[Big Fitz]

I had three ingrates myself. Cheddar, Puddy and Nemotode. They stayed with their mom. She's still trying to give one of them away. I refuse to do litterboxes, and if I ever own cats again, I will toilet train them. that is tolerable at least.

 

[JW Frogen]

Just a hunch, but I think there are a lot of people on this thread having really bad sex, or no sex at all.

 

[Big Fitz]

Yeah, well the hunt for my buxom Christian Conservative Fetish Model is still ongoing.



She's out there... I just know it.

Until then...

 

[AVG-JOE]

I had three ingrates myself. Cheddar, Puddy and Nemotode. They stayed with their mom. She's still trying to give one of them away. I refuse to do litterboxes, and if I ever own cats again, I will toilet train them. that is tolerable at least.

If you named me 'Puddy', I would pee on your shoes too.

(No Yukon, that is NOT an invitation.)​

Best name EVER for a cat.....?


"SpeedBump"

 

[Big Fitz]

I had three ingrates myself. Cheddar, Puddy and Nemotode. They stayed with their mom. She's still trying to give one of them away. I refuse to do litterboxes, and if I ever own cats again, I will toilet train them. that is tolerable at least.

If you named me 'Puddy', I would pee on your shoes too.

(No Yukon, that is NOT an invitation.)​

Best name EVER for a cat.....?


"SpeedBump"

Actually Puddy was named by someone else. We saved him from euthenasia because "he bit". He was a KITTEN! Of course he bites! he's playing. BTW lady... why's he got an unset broken toe on his back foot.

(she was old and didn't see good... probably stepped on him by accident.)

But the Puddin' Pop retained his name.

My avatar's name was Buster. It's sort of his memorial as we had to put him down way too soon. Lots of particulars I won't bore you with here. Needless to say, we found out later he could have been easily saved if the vet was COMPETENT!

Not bitter... not bitter at alllllllll.....

 

[uscitizen]

I like dogs better than most people.

 

[AVG-JOE]

I had three ingrates myself. Cheddar, Puddy and Nemotode. They stayed with their mom. She's still trying to give one of them away. I refuse to do litterboxes, and if I ever own cats again, I will toilet train them. that is tolerable at least.

If you named me 'Puddy', I would pee on your shoes too.

(No Yukon, that is NOT an invitation.)​

Best name EVER for a cat.....?


"SpeedBump"

Actually Puddy was named by someone else. We saved him from euthenasia because "he bit". He was a KITTEN! Of course he bites! he's playing. BTW lady... why's he got an unset broken toe on his back foot.

(she was old and didn't see good... probably stepped on him by accident.)

But the Puddin' Pop retained his name.

My avatar's name was Buster. It's sort of his memorial as we had to put him down way too soon. Lots of particulars I won't bore you with here. Needless to say, we found out later he could have been easily saved if the vet was COMPETENT!

Not bitter... not bitter at alllllllll.....

 

[Big Fitz]

Best name EVER for a cat.....?


"SpeedBump"

BTW that was the nickname of my parents cat because he would be outside on his harness. When my dad came home he'd run into the driveway, so happy to see him and flop down in the path of the car right near the garage and roll on his back till the car stopped and my dad got out to pick him up. Silliest darn cat I ever saw. So trusting he would not move either. Once my dad stopped with him TOUCHING the tire. He just sat their lounging around like nobody's business.

Dogs are generally smarter than that cat, but he had em beat for trust, and that's saying a lot.

 

[AVG-JOE]

Best name EVER for a cat.....?


"SpeedBump"

BTW that was the nickname of my parents cat because he would be outside on his harness. When my dad came home he'd run into the driveway, so happy to see him and flop down in the path of the car right near the garage and roll on his back till the car stopped and my dad got out to pick him up. Silliest darn cat I ever saw. So trusting he would not move either. Once my dad stopped with him TOUCHING the tire. He just sat their lounging around like nobody's business.

Dogs are generally smarter than that cat, but he had em beat for trust, and that's saying a lot.

I have had the pleasure of working for a few cats that were cool. The uncool ones fired me pretty quickly, I'm happy to report.

I say "working for", because dogs have 'owners' whereas cats have 'staff'.​