Zone1 I apologize.

[Blaster]

This is an anonymous message board that should be entertaining. There will always be trolls trying to rattle other members but you should only take that with a grain of salt.

 

[TroglocratsRdumb]

Don't let the Trolls push your buttons.
Their opinions are not valued.
However sometimes it's fun to exchange insults with them.

 

[Damaged Eagle]

*****SMILE*****

 

[Man of Ethics]

ready to bash and insult and be obnoxious

be as obnoxious as you want, no need to apologize

I am 95% Mr. Jekyll.

As Mr. Hyde, I am extremely vicious! These are my best moments online!

 

[deannalw]

Beautiful thread.

*hug* for Gracie

 

[Dogmaphobe]

Beautiful thread.

*hug* for Gracie

and to all of those who have faced darkness, my friend.

 

[task0778]

It ain't easy to take the high road all the time and avoid going postal. I don't think any of us would claim that, human nature being what it is. It doesn't hurt to take a step back sometimes and smell the roses so to speak instead bashing some a-hole on the USMB, however satisfying that may be. Use the Ignore button, that helps.

Meantime, you got internet friends here that actually do care about you. So: forgive yourself, forgive others, and press on.

 

[BackAgain]

Gracie. This is just a message board. It’s not real life. Who and what you are isn’t defined by anything you say here even out of anger or hurt.

You’ve gotten lots of good advice here. My one is similar: Let it go.

 

[Sunsettommy]

I write frankly as a distant internet friend who have seen you elsewhere where you are different acting than here, but my observation is that YOU have long running personal issues that you need to deal with because it is making you sad and miserable all the time which is no way to live.

My suggestion is to take a long break from forums that makes you so unhappy and unsettled maybe go talk to a psychiatrist or someone you trust in your family circle?

Quoting you,

"I am still struggling. I am borderline harming myself. I guess I needed an outlet for my anger that our golden years never happened, that he died so damn fast and left me alone, my hatred for myself that I could not save him, dealing with the loss and emptiness and the constant screaming in my head of WHY??? and just needing to vent it out and take it out on someone, something, anything. I am ashamed I have no control, that I am so weak when I am usually so strong, and that I pushed many of you away because of MY actions regardless of my reasons I focused on that one person all that nastiness I feel for life in general."

His death has shaken you up so deeply which simmers in you ever since that it is slowly destroying your life which is why I am writing this way to emphasize that you need to seek help with people who knows how to help you HEAL from within and recover.

Dennis is resting in peace you should be able live in peace.

Please Gracie leave this forum and SEEK help right away.

 

[Rambunctious]

I hope it was that moron Faun.....

 

[WinterBorn]

I'm a mess, but I am not completely clueless. I have picked on someone nonstop for a long time and doomed you all to have to read it. I know what its like to be picked on. I do not apologize for my feelings towards that person. I do apologize for involving the rest of you to have to read it...even when it was in innocent threads and here I come...ready to bash and insult and be obnoxious. I have my reasons for that. But to make you guys uncomfortable having to witness it....people I have posted alongside with for so long, who came to my assistance in a major need, who were there for support when I lost Dennis...I have treated you in a manner you did not and do not deserve. I am so sorry for that. It will not ever happen again. This I promise you.

I am still struggling. I am borderline harming myself. I guess I needed an outlet for my anger that our golden years never happened, that he died so damn fast and left me alone, my hatred for myself that I could not save him, dealing with the loss and emptiness and the constant screaming in my head of WHY??? and just needing to vent it out and take it out on someone, something, anything. I am ashamed I have no control, that I am so weak when I am usually so strong, and that I pushed many of you away because of MY actions regardless of my reasons I focused on that one person all that nastiness I feel for life in general. I am hoping this latest situation I placed myself in, intentions misconstrued by someone I cared alot for as a fellow poster who has given advice when I needed it...will help me "get over" what is wrong with me in dealing with my current situation of being so sad, angry, bitter and lonely.

I sincerely apologize. USMB is my home board. I want it to stay that way, but I also want to be wanted, have the support still with me, and know I will not be avoided or ashamed of for my lack of control.

To those who have with been with me all thru this...I thank you. And I am so very sorry I made you uncomfortable. I plan to take a wee vacation from here but I am not leaving permanently. I need to heed my doctors advice that I visited last week. He said I need to maybe go to church and meet new people, that I am harming myself not with a gun or pills or driving off a cliff. He said I am harming myself mentally by smoking more, doing things I normally wouldn't do, not trying to live my normal life, escaping in sleep, becoming a hermit and hoping God will have mercy on me and bringing me home to Dennis, my dad and my beloved dogs that are all waiting for me because it is not my time, and I am fooling myself thinking that is NOT suicide..it is just natural causes when it is NOT natural. When he said that...it hit home. But it did not hit home about me focusing on one person I dislike and involving others in that dislike. That epiphany came to me here, in a thread I had no business getting involved in.

I have so much to learn to do now without saying "hey Dennis...I'm having issues online. How do I deal with it?" and getting a fair, honest, recommendation on what to do about it. I have my solution. Ignore, which is what I should have done long ago. Instead, I dragged you all in to it just by posting what I post and you doomed to read it.

Again, I am so sorry. Y'all help me more than you will ever know. You keep me sane. And, you are all I really have to go to when its really bad. I hope I still can..without you shuddering or pulling away.
I'll be back when I think I can be the Gracie you all know without the bad stuff coming with me.



Gracie

When someone attacks you or posts nonsense, feel free to bust them on it.

You are a very civil poster. I try to be. But then some idiot comes along begging to be put in their place.

 

[deannalw]

When someone attacks you or posts nonsense, feel free to bust them on it.

You are a very civil poster. I try to be. But then some idiot comes along begging to be put in their place.

Leave me outta this, dammit!

 

[DudleySmith]

We won’t pull away Gracie, we are here for you (((hugs)))

^^^ Means she and Bodecea have already turned her in to the FBI as a 'terrorist', so don't need to again.

 

[Michelle420]

We should make this the official apology thread a place to drop a regret. Awesome!

 

[Ropey]

I regret commenting in this thread.

‘But what’s done, is done.’ - The Heffalump

 

[Michelle420]

usmb regrets treeshepherd but he donates

 

[Bleipriester]

I'm a mess, but I am not completely clueless. I have picked on someone nonstop for a long time and doomed you all to have to read it. I know what its like to be picked on. I do not apologize for my feelings towards that person. I do apologize for involving the rest of you to have to read it...even when it was in innocent threads and here I come...ready to bash and insult and be obnoxious. I have my reasons for that. But to make you guys uncomfortable having to witness it....people I have posted alongside with for so long, who came to my assistance in a major need, who were there for support when I lost Dennis...I have treated you in a manner you did not and do not deserve. I am so sorry for that. It will not ever happen again. This I promise you.

I am still struggling. I am borderline harming myself. I guess I needed an outlet for my anger that our golden years never happened, that he died so damn fast and left me alone, my hatred for myself that I could not save him, dealing with the loss and emptiness and the constant screaming in my head of WHY??? and just needing to vent it out and take it out on someone, something, anything. I am ashamed I have no control, that I am so weak when I am usually so strong, and that I pushed many of you away because of MY actions regardless of my reasons I focused on that one person all that nastiness I feel for life in general. I am hoping this latest situation I placed myself in, intentions misconstrued by someone I cared alot for as a fellow poster who has given advice when I needed it...will help me "get over" what is wrong with me in dealing with my current situation of being so sad, angry, bitter and lonely.

I sincerely apologize. USMB is my home board. I want it to stay that way, but I also want to be wanted, have the support still with me, and know I will not be avoided or ashamed of for my lack of control.

To those who have with been with me all thru this...I thank you. And I am so very sorry I made you uncomfortable. I plan to take a wee vacation from here but I am not leaving permanently. I need to heed my doctors advice that I visited last week. He said I need to maybe go to church and meet new people, that I am harming myself not with a gun or pills or driving off a cliff. He said I am harming myself mentally by smoking more, doing things I normally wouldn't do, not trying to live my normal life, escaping in sleep, becoming a hermit and hoping God will have mercy on me and bringing me home to Dennis, my dad and my beloved dogs that are all waiting for me because it is not my time, and I am fooling myself thinking that is NOT suicide..it is just natural causes when it is NOT natural. When he said that...it hit home. But it did not hit home about me focusing on one person I dislike and involving others in that dislike. That epiphany came to me here, in a thread I had no business getting involved in.

I have so much to learn to do now without saying "hey Dennis...I'm having issues online. How do I deal with it?" and getting a fair, honest, recommendation on what to do about it. I have my solution. Ignore, which is what I should have done long ago. Instead, I dragged you all in to it just by posting what I post and you doomed to read it.

Again, I am so sorry. Y'all help me more than you will ever know. You keep me sane. And, you are all I really have to go to when its really bad. I hope I still can..without you shuddering or pulling away.
I'll be back when I think I can be the Gracie you all know without the bad stuff coming with me.



Gracie

Hello. I have never noticed your personal war on the boards. However, you don´t need to apologize! People who cannot stand something they don´t like have no idea what a forum is made for. Here we have different views and stories and we do not hesitate to make up our mind, you know. If you feel ashamed of what you wrote, you can apologize to the persons you had trouble with.

Furthermore, I was sad when reading about your situation. Hope you will be fine. Don´t retreat to loneliness, it will make it harder for you.

 

[Grumblenuts]

Whatever I said, I take it back. Never thought lil' ole me could create such a weepy mess. I'm so sorry, Gracie. Even if it had not the slightest thing to do with me, I'm still sorry. I'm just a sorry old sack.

 

[Gracie]

Thank you all for the support. I am a bit more at peace now. A vacay was much needed. But, I have been a doofus while gone. Bought a used car but wound up hating it because of all the bells and whistles. Gadgetry. I HATE learning new gadgets. Back up camera, confusing buttons (couldn't even figure out how to set the radio or turn the damn heater on without having to drag out the booklet), so I resold it 3 days later at half of what I paid for it. Also made an appt that is freaking me out to have every single tooth pulled and getting a set of clackers (dentures). That will happen on the 14th of this month. My teeth have been patched too much and they are a mess..its probably part and parcel of why I feel so icky. Teeth are a major health contributor and I held on to mine for 70 years. Time to get some new shiney white ones. ENAMEL! I will lose some taste buds but my smile...when I actually do smile...will be WHITE. And no more dental visits where I am told crown, crown, root canal, crown, filling, CROWN. It's expensive, but PG&E finally forked over some money so I figured its time I spent on my toofers. I am eager but scared to death at the same time. At least I will be semi knocked out when they do it! That was a huge plus. And I will sit down with what I have now, wake up to a set already in. No implants. That price tag was 38k!!! So instead, I got the "spit 'em out in a jar at night" kind to the tune of 12k.
I asked my sister in law to come for her visit early this year just so I won't be alone while suffering the after pain, and she can cook my mush food while here. By the time she goes home, I am hoping I can eat a bit better. Jello, applesauce, mashed taters, eggs is fine for a day or three, but I want my bacon! And maybe a steak. Filet Mignon of course, lol.

During my absence from here, I have just worked on myself mentally and physically. Yes, Dennis would be upset knowing how upset I have been this past year. He said NO REGRETS, but those are easy words. Still, he would be peeved at me for carrying it this long. I will never get over losing him, but I WILL get over this pity party, be more secure in myself, and try to find the ornery/nice me I have lost this past year. I miss him. I miss me, too.

I have done no harm to myself, nor plan to. Its time to live again..at least, the best I can. I will screw up, yes. But I will try.

Special thanks to Bones. My frenemy. I was not expecting that and it made me feel good to read it. Heaven forbid such a thing! lol

Speaking of heaven...I am contemplating finding a church to attend. I need to meet people. I have y'all, but I need to meet people face to face. Men. Women. PEOPLE. But I won't be doing that until I know my clackers will stay in place, lol.


Hugs.

 

[strollingbones]

gracie ....i have seen your art.....do it....when you do art..it prevents a lot of the right brains thoughts....go lose yourself in your art...i think you could make good money with that as your side hustle...the dresser drawers with the birds flying off was just kick ass...look into doing work for new parents ..nursery things...they can mail you the drawer fronts to be done....the shipping is paid for by the client...you might be amazed how quickly it could take off...charge by the design wanted and do only custom stuff....do murals etc....you got the talent girl...dont let the demons rob you of that...

so from one bat shit crazy poster to another bat shit crazy poster....you are good and i hope safe