Zone1 I apologize.

[Moonglow]

Yet you have people on iggy for doing the same, vindictive hypocrisy is not a pant suit you can don when yous likes.

 

[WinterBorn]

Thank you all for the support. I am a bit more at peace now. A vacay was much needed. But, I have been a doofus while gone. Bought a used car but wound up hating it because of all the bells and whistles. Gadgetry. I HATE learning new gadgets. Back up camera, confusing buttons (couldn't even figure out how to set the radio or turn the damn heater on without having to drag out the booklet), so I resold it 3 days later at half of what I paid for it. Also made an appt that is freaking me out to have every single tooth pulled and getting a set of clackers (dentures). That will happen on the 14th of this month. My teeth have been patched too much and they are a mess..its probably part and parcel of why I feel so icky. Teeth are a major health contributor and I held on to mine for 70 years. Time to get some new shiney white ones. ENAMEL! I will lose some taste buds but my smile...when I actually do smile...will be WHITE. And no more dental visits where I am told crown, crown, root canal, crown, filling, CROWN. It's expensive, but PG&E finally forked over some money so I figured its time I spent on my toofers. I am eager but scared to death at the same time. At least I will be semi knocked out when they do it! That was a huge plus. And I will sit down with what I have now, wake up to a set already in. No implants. That price tag was 38k!!! So instead, I got the "spit 'em out in a jar at night" kind to the tune of 12k.
I asked my sister in law to come for her visit early this year just so I won't be alone while suffering the after pain, and she can cook my mush food while here. By the time she goes home, I am hoping I can eat a bit better. Jello, applesauce, mashed taters, eggs is fine for a day or three, but I want my bacon! And maybe a steak. Filet Mignon of course, lol.

During my absence from here, I have just worked on myself mentally and physically. Yes, Dennis would be upset knowing how upset I have been this past year. He said NO REGRETS, but those are easy words. Still, he would be peeved at me for carrying it this long. I will never get over losing him, but I WILL get over this pity party, be more secure in myself, and try to find the ornery/nice me I have lost this past year. I miss him. I miss me, too.

I have done no harm to myself, nor plan to. Its time to live again..at least, the best I can. I will screw up, yes. But I will try.

Special thanks to Bones. My frenemy. I was not expecting that and it made me feel good to read it. Heaven forbid such a thing! lol

Speaking of heaven...I am contemplating finding a church to attend. I need to meet people. I have y'all, but I need to meet people face to face. Men. Women. PEOPLE. But I won't be doing that until I know my clackers will stay in place, lol.


Hugs.

Getting dentures was the best thing I have done in years!! I've had mine since 2013, and the relief from dental issues is HUGE!!

I'm glad you are at peace. Finding that will change your world.

 

[task0778]

Gadgetry. I HATE learning new gadgets

Me too. Those effing cell phones are crazy, all I wanna do is call 911 if there's an emergency and I'm outta the house, and nowadays you hafta get a text message to enter in the security code to do your banking business. I remember the days when you stuck your finger in a hole and dialed somebody's phone number of a rotary phone. I thought the sound they made when the dial reset itself was cool. Tic tic tic tic.

 

[saveliberty]

I'm a mess, but I am not completely clueless. I have picked on someone nonstop for a long time and doomed you all to have to read it. I know what its like to be picked on. I do not apologize for my feelings towards that person. I do apologize for involving the rest of you to have to read it...even when it was in innocent threads and here I come...ready to bash and insult and be obnoxious. I have my reasons for that. But to make you guys uncomfortable having to witness it....people I have posted alongside with for so long, who came to my assistance in a major need, who were there for support when I lost Dennis...I have treated you in a manner you did not and do not deserve. I am so sorry for that. It will not ever happen again. This I promise you.

I am still struggling. I am borderline harming myself. I guess I needed an outlet for my anger that our golden years never happened, that he died so damn fast and left me alone, my hatred for myself that I could not save him, dealing with the loss and emptiness and the constant screaming in my head of WHY??? and just needing to vent it out and take it out on someone, something, anything. I am ashamed I have no control, that I am so weak when I am usually so strong, and that I pushed many of you away because of MY actions regardless of my reasons I focused on that one person all that nastiness I feel for life in general. I am hoping this latest situation I placed myself in, intentions misconstrued by someone I cared alot for as a fellow poster who has given advice when I needed it...will help me "get over" what is wrong with me in dealing with my current situation of being so sad, angry, bitter and lonely.

I sincerely apologize. USMB is my home board. I want it to stay that way, but I also want to be wanted, have the support still with me, and know I will not be avoided or ashamed of for my lack of control.

To those who have with been with me all thru this...I thank you. And I am so very sorry I made you uncomfortable. I plan to take a wee vacation from here but I am not leaving permanently. I need to heed my doctors advice that I visited last week. He said I need to maybe go to church and meet new people, that I am harming myself not with a gun or pills or driving off a cliff. He said I am harming myself mentally by smoking more, doing things I normally wouldn't do, not trying to live my normal life, escaping in sleep, becoming a hermit and hoping God will have mercy on me and bringing me home to Dennis, my dad and my beloved dogs that are all waiting for me because it is not my time, and I am fooling myself thinking that is NOT suicide..it is just natural causes when it is NOT natural. When he said that...it hit home. But it did not hit home about me focusing on one person I dislike and involving others in that dislike. That epiphany came to me here, in a thread I had no business getting involved in.

I have so much to learn to do now without saying "hey Dennis...I'm having issues online. How do I deal with it?" and getting a fair, honest, recommendation on what to do about it. I have my solution. Ignore, which is what I should have done long ago. Instead, I dragged you all in to it just by posting what I post and you doomed to read it.

Again, I am so sorry. Y'all help me more than you will ever know. You keep me sane. And, you are all I really have to go to when its really bad. I hope I still can..without you shuddering or pulling away.
I'll be back when I think I can be the Gracie you all know without the bad stuff coming with me.



Gracie

Gee I'm just glad you're on this side of the grass. Been away a lot longer than you. lol

 

[strollingbones]

damn it gracie i saw a dresser....4 drawer....painted dark blue...think royal blue....and the top drawer front has a flowers and butterflies...cute but nothing like the one you did....didnt stand out to me...$250 damn bones....please put your art to work for you....it was on facebook market place

 

[beautress]

I'm a mess, but I am not completely clueless. I have picked on someone nonstop for a long time and doomed you all to have to read it. I know what its like to be picked on. I do not apologize for my feelings towards that person. I do apologize for involving the rest of you to have to read it...even when it was in innocent threads and here I come...ready to bash and insult and be obnoxious. I have my reasons for that. But to make you guys uncomfortable having to witness it....people I have posted alongside with for so long, who came to my assistance in a major need, who were there for support when I lost Dennis...I have treated you in a manner you did not and do not deserve. I am so sorry for that. It will not ever happen again. This I promise you.

I am still struggling. I am borderline harming myself. I guess I needed an outlet for my anger that our golden years never happened, that he died so damn fast and left me alone, my hatred for myself that I could not save him, dealing with the loss and emptiness and the constant screaming in my head of WHY??? and just needing to vent it out and take it out on someone, something, anything. I am ashamed I have no control, that I am so weak when I am usually so strong, and that I pushed many of you away because of MY actions regardless of my reasons I focused on that one person all that nastiness I feel for life in general. I am hoping this latest situation I placed myself in, intentions misconstrued by someone I cared alot for as a fellow poster who has given advice when I needed it...will help me "get over" what is wrong with me in dealing with my current situation of being so sad, angry, bitter and lonely.

I sincerely apologize. USMB is my home board. I want it to stay that way, but I also want to be wanted, have the support still with me, and know I will not be avoided or ashamed of for my lack of control.

To those who have with been with me all thru this...I thank you. And I am so very sorry I made you uncomfortable. I plan to take a wee vacation from here but I am not leaving permanently. I need to heed my doctors advice that I visited last week. He said I need to maybe go to church and meet new people, that I am harming myself not with a gun or pills or driving off a cliff. He said I am harming myself mentally by smoking more, doing things I normally wouldn't do, not trying to live my normal life, escaping in sleep, becoming a hermit and hoping God will have mercy on me and bringing me home to Dennis, my dad and my beloved dogs that are all waiting for me because it is not my time, and I am fooling myself thinking that is NOT suicide..it is just natural causes when it is NOT natural. When he said that...it hit home. But it did not hit home about me focusing on one person I dislike and involving others in that dislike. That epiphany came to me here, in a thread I had no business getting involved in.

I have so much to learn to do now without saying "hey Dennis...I'm having issues online. How do I deal with it?" and getting a fair, honest, recommendation on what to do about it. I have my solution. Ignore, which is what I should have done long ago. Instead, I dragged you all in to it just by posting what I post and you doomed to read it.

Again, I am so sorry. Y'all help me more than you will ever know. You keep me sane. And, you are all I really have to go to when its really bad. I hope I still can..without you shuddering or pulling away.
I'll be back when I think I can be the Gracie you all know without the bad stuff coming with me.



Gracie

Gracie, only best wishes as I understand from losing my husband seven years ago how much it influences unusually unconscionable spoken things. I'm sorry if ever I offended you when you were hurting. I wasn't thinking of your loss that you might have felt worse because of my low expectations of war words spoken on political debate forums and hope I never disappoint you again, so I am twice sorry because I know you are a very good person 99.99 % of the time. And I hope you can develop a kind of turtle shell to words stupidly said on a bad day by someone else. I can't mend some fences, but I wish you know that you have great friends here and my respect. Always, too.

 

[John Edgar Slow Horses]

I'm a mess, but I am not completely clueless. I have picked on someone nonstop for a long time and doomed you all to have to read it. I know what its like to be picked on. I do not apologize for my feelings towards that person. I do apologize for involving the rest of you to have to read it...even when it was in innocent threads and here I come...ready to bash and insult and be obnoxious. I have my reasons for that. But to make you guys uncomfortable having to witness it....people I have posted alongside with for so long, who came to my assistance in a major need, who were there for support when I lost Dennis...I have treated you in a manner you did not and do not deserve. I am so sorry for that. It will not ever happen again. This I promise you.

I am still struggling. I am borderline harming myself. I guess I needed an outlet for my anger that our golden years never happened, that he died so damn fast and left me alone, my hatred for myself that I could not save him, dealing with the loss and emptiness and the constant screaming in my head of WHY??? and just needing to vent it out and take it out on someone, something, anything. I am ashamed I have no control, that I am so weak when I am usually so strong, and that I pushed many of you away because of MY actions regardless of my reasons I focused on that one person all that nastiness I feel for life in general. I am hoping this latest situation I placed myself in, intentions misconstrued by someone I cared alot for as a fellow poster who has given advice when I needed it...will help me "get over" what is wrong with me in dealing with my current situation of being so sad, angry, bitter and lonely.

I sincerely apologize. USMB is my home board. I want it to stay that way, but I also want to be wanted, have the support still with me, and know I will not be avoided or ashamed of for my lack of control.

To those who have with been with me all thru this...I thank you. And I am so very sorry I made you uncomfortable. I plan to take a wee vacation from here but I am not leaving permanently. I need to heed my doctors advice that I visited last week. He said I need to maybe go to church and meet new people, that I am harming myself not with a gun or pills or driving off a cliff. He said I am harming myself mentally by smoking more, doing things I normally wouldn't do, not trying to live my normal life, escaping in sleep, becoming a hermit and hoping God will have mercy on me and bringing me home to Dennis, my dad and my beloved dogs that are all waiting for me because it is not my time, and I am fooling myself thinking that is NOT suicide..it is just natural causes when it is NOT natural. When he said that...it hit home. But it did not hit home about me focusing on one person I dislike and involving others in that dislike. That epiphany came to me here, in a thread I had no business getting involved in.

I have so much to learn to do now without saying "hey Dennis...I'm having issues online. How do I deal with it?" and getting a fair, honest, recommendation on what to do about it. I have my solution. Ignore, which is what I should have done long ago. Instead, I dragged you all in to it just by posting what I post and you doomed to read it.

Again, I am so sorry. Y'all help me more than you will ever know. You keep me sane. And, you are all I really have to go to when its really bad. I hope I still can..without you shuddering or pulling away.
I'll be back when I think I can be the Gracie you all know without the bad stuff coming with me.



Gracie

I don't know you.

But I can be your punching bag whenever you need it.

I am so sad you are going through your hell. Hit on me, shit on me, but don't quit on me, I can take it.

 

[Michelle420]

We all get in a bind from time to time. How is your artwork? I still have my favorite stone you painted for me.

Anyway makes some fun threads. I know you know all about #scandoval let's dissect it.

 

[Leo123]

I'm a mess, but I am not completely clueless. I have picked on someone nonstop for a long time and doomed you all to have to read it. I know what its like to be picked on. I do not apologize for my feelings towards that person. I do apologize for involving the rest of you to have to read it...even when it was in innocent threads and here I come...ready to bash and insult and be obnoxious. I have my reasons for that. But to make you guys uncomfortable having to witness it....people I have posted alongside with for so long, who came to my assistance in a major need, who were there for support when I lost Dennis...I have treated you in a manner you did not and do not deserve. I am so sorry for that. It will not ever happen again. This I promise you.

I am still struggling. I am borderline harming myself. I guess I needed an outlet for my anger that our golden years never happened, that he died so damn fast and left me alone, my hatred for myself that I could not save him, dealing with the loss and emptiness and the constant screaming in my head of WHY??? and just needing to vent it out and take it out on someone, something, anything. I am ashamed I have no control, that I am so weak when I am usually so strong, and that I pushed many of you away because of MY actions regardless of my reasons I focused on that one person all that nastiness I feel for life in general. I am hoping this latest situation I placed myself in, intentions misconstrued by someone I cared alot for as a fellow poster who has given advice when I needed it...will help me "get over" what is wrong with me in dealing with my current situation of being so sad, angry, bitter and lonely.

I sincerely apologize. USMB is my home board. I want it to stay that way, but I also want to be wanted, have the support still with me, and know I will not be avoided or ashamed of for my lack of control.

To those who have with been with me all thru this...I thank you. And I am so very sorry I made you uncomfortable. I plan to take a wee vacation from here but I am not leaving permanently. I need to heed my doctors advice that I visited last week. He said I need to maybe go to church and meet new people, that I am harming myself not with a gun or pills or driving off a cliff. He said I am harming myself mentally by smoking more, doing things I normally wouldn't do, not trying to live my normal life, escaping in sleep, becoming a hermit and hoping God will have mercy on me and bringing me home to Dennis, my dad and my beloved dogs that are all waiting for me because it is not my time, and I am fooling myself thinking that is NOT suicide..it is just natural causes when it is NOT natural. When he said that...it hit home. But it did not hit home about me focusing on one person I dislike and involving others in that dislike. That epiphany came to me here, in a thread I had no business getting involved in.

I have so much to learn to do now without saying "hey Dennis...I'm having issues online. How do I deal with it?" and getting a fair, honest, recommendation on what to do about it. I have my solution. Ignore, which is what I should have done long ago. Instead, I dragged you all in to it just by posting what I post and you doomed to read it.

Again, I am so sorry. Y'all help me more than you will ever know. You keep me sane. And, you are all I really have to go to when its really bad. I hope I still can..without you shuddering or pulling away.
I'll be back when I think I can be the Gracie you all know without the bad stuff coming with me.



Gracie

Not sure what to say Gracie. I lost my Mom when I was a pre teen and spent decades rebelling, blaming myself (I was a part time care taker as my Dad had to work), hating God, etc. I went through hatred of hearing her need something even though I loved her. When she died, I went through horrible feelings of loss and guilt. (she died of cancer). At that time there was no chemo just horrible X-ray treatments that burned her now breastless chest. Sorry, I really don't mean to upset you or anyone else but life is what it is as I came to know. That's how I found peace. I find the Eckhart Tolle to be a kind, helpful individual and below are a couple of his videos. I have watched them and a lot of others of his. Watch them if you want and, in the meantime, I wish you stillness and peace.

 

[Concerned American]

Gracie Sorry for your loss, Gracie. I know it sounds cliche, but anytime you need an ear, just message me. I may not be able to give you the great advice that Dennis did, but you can vent to your heart's content. Whatever you do, don't hurt yourself.

 

[Dante Reawakened]

A server error occurred. Please try again later.

Can't start a new thread

 

[Concerned American]

Those effing cell phones are crazy,

I hate em. I got rid of mine when I retired but the wife still has one and when she can't figure it out, it is "Can you figure this out?" I can figure it out--toss it out the car window at 85 mph. I still use a land line, but it isn't a rotary dial--but I do have two of them. One wall and one desk.

 

[fncceo]

Don't beat yourself up

Let someone else do it.

 

[Gracie]

I hate em. I got rid of mine when I retired but the wife still has one and when she can't figure it out, it is "Can you figure this out?" I can figure it out--toss it out the car window at 85 mph. I still use a land line, but it isn't a rotary dial--but I do have two of them. One wall and one desk.

I have a landline too. When the grid goes down, landlines hold up longer. Plus, I had to have one for Dennis, in case I was at the market or a dr's appt and he needed me for something, he could reach me on the cell..and vice versa. I didn't dump the landline after he passed. I like having it.

 

[JGalt]

I have a landline too. When the grid goes down, landlines hold up longer. Plus, I had to have one for Dennis, in case I was at the market or a dr's appt and he needed me for something, he could reach me on the cell..and vice versa. I didn't dump the landline after he passed. I like having it.

We have a landline too. Maybe I'll call one of the moderators and ask why the board went all ganked up this afternoon.

Am I the only one who's noticed you can't start any new threads?

 

[Gracie]

I rarely start threads any more, so I haven't noticed. Twitter was having issues too. Maybe it's a tech thing all over?