Zone1 I apologize.

[Gracie]

I'm a mess, but I am not completely clueless. I have picked on someone nonstop for a long time and doomed you all to have to read it. I know what its like to be picked on. I do not apologize for my feelings towards that person. I do apologize for involving the rest of you to have to read it...even when it was in innocent threads and here I come...ready to bash and insult and be obnoxious. I have my reasons for that. But to make you guys uncomfortable having to witness it....people I have posted alongside with for so long, who came to my assistance in a major need, who were there for support when I lost Dennis...I have treated you in a manner you did not and do not deserve. I am so sorry for that. It will not ever happen again. This I promise you.

I am still struggling. I am borderline harming myself. I guess I needed an outlet for my anger that our golden years never happened, that he died so damn fast and left me alone, my hatred for myself that I could not save him, dealing with the loss and emptiness and the constant screaming in my head of WHY??? and just needing to vent it out and take it out on someone, something, anything. I am ashamed I have no control, that I am so weak when I am usually so strong, and that I pushed many of you away because of MY actions regardless of my reasons I focused on that one person all that nastiness I feel for life in general. I am hoping this latest situation I placed myself in, intentions misconstrued by someone I cared alot for as a fellow poster who has given advice when I needed it...will help me "get over" what is wrong with me in dealing with my current situation of being so sad, angry, bitter and lonely.

I sincerely apologize. USMB is my home board. I want it to stay that way, but I also want to be wanted, have the support still with me, and know I will not be avoided or ashamed of for my lack of control.

To those who have with been with me all thru this...I thank you. And I am so very sorry I made you uncomfortable. I plan to take a wee vacation from here but I am not leaving permanently. I need to heed my doctors advice that I visited last week. He said I need to maybe go to church and meet new people, that I am harming myself not with a gun or pills or driving off a cliff. He said I am harming myself mentally by smoking more, doing things I normally wouldn't do, not trying to live my normal life, escaping in sleep, becoming a hermit and hoping God will have mercy on me and bringing me home to Dennis, my dad and my beloved dogs that are all waiting for me because it is not my time, and I am fooling myself thinking that is NOT suicide..it is just natural causes when it is NOT natural. When he said that...it hit home. But it did not hit home about me focusing on one person I dislike and involving others in that dislike. That epiphany came to me here, in a thread I had no business getting involved in.

I have so much to learn to do now without saying "hey Dennis...I'm having issues online. How do I deal with it?" and getting a fair, honest, recommendation on what to do about it. I have my solution. Ignore, which is what I should have done long ago. Instead, I dragged you all in to it just by posting what I post and you doomed to read it.

Again, I am so sorry. Y'all help me more than you will ever know. You keep me sane. And, you are all I really have to go to when its really bad. I hope I still can..without you shuddering or pulling away.
I'll be back when I think I can be the Gracie you all know without the bad stuff coming with me.



Gracie

 

[Esdraelon]

It's too easy to get into a self-defense mode when others intentionally push our buttons. I've often allowed others to do that to me and I respect that you understand how that behavior can affect the site as a whole. I haven't been here very long but I've already learned that the ignore function can be my friend Best wishes miss Gracie!

 

[Pete7469]

Don't beat yourself up

 

[Man of Ethics]

Best luck and regards to you!

Many people, including me, have acted our worst in online arguments, and almost no one feels any remorse!

 

[strollingbones]

its a message board dont be so hard on yourself....please do not harm yourself mentally or physically

and feel free to vent on me....i enjoy a good rage attack ever now and then

hang in there gracie

 

[sealybobo]

I'm a mess, but I am not completely clueless. I have picked on someone nonstop for a long time and doomed you all to have to read it. I know what its like to be picked on. I do not apologize for my feelings towards that person. I do apologize for involving the rest of you to have to read it...even when it was in innocent threads and here I come...ready to bash and insult and be obnoxious. I have my reasons for that. But to make you guys uncomfortable having to witness it....people I have posted alongside with for so long, who came to my assistance in a major need, who were there for support when I lost Dennis...I have treated you in a manner you did not and do not deserve. I am so sorry for that. It will not ever happen again. This I promise you.

I am still struggling. I am borderline harming myself. I guess I needed an outlet for my anger that our golden years never happened, that he died so damn fast and left me alone, my hatred for myself that I could not save him, dealing with the loss and emptiness and the constant screaming in my head of WHY??? and just needing to vent it out and take it out on someone, something, anything. I am ashamed I have no control, that I am so weak when I am usually so strong, and that I pushed many of you away because of MY actions regardless of my reasons I focused on that one person all that nastiness I feel for life in general. I am hoping this latest situation I placed myself in, intentions misconstrued by someone I cared alot for as a fellow poster who has given advice when I needed it...will help me "get over" what is wrong with me in dealing with my current situation of being so sad, angry, bitter and lonely.

I sincerely apologize. USMB is my home board. I want it to stay that way, but I also want to be wanted, have the support still with me, and know I will not be avoided or ashamed of for my lack of control.

To those who have with been with me all thru this...I thank you. And I am so very sorry I made you uncomfortable. I plan to take a wee vacation from here but I am not leaving permanently. I need to heed my doctors advice that I visited last week. He said I need to maybe go to church and meet new people, that I am harming myself not with a gun or pills or driving off a cliff. He said I am harming myself mentally by smoking more, doing things I normally wouldn't do, not trying to live my normal life, escaping in sleep, becoming a hermit and hoping God will have mercy on me and bringing me home to Dennis, my dad and my beloved dogs that are all waiting for me because it is not my time, and I am fooling myself thinking that is NOT suicide..it is just natural causes when it is NOT natural. When he said that...it hit home. But it did not hit home about me focusing on one person I dislike and involving others in that dislike. That epiphany came to me here, in a thread I had no business getting involved in.

I have so much to learn to do now without saying "hey Dennis...I'm having issues online. How do I deal with it?" and getting a fair, honest, recommendation on what to do about it. I have my solution. Ignore, which is what I should have done long ago. Instead, I dragged you all in to it just by posting what I post and you doomed to read it.

Again, I am so sorry. Y'all help me more than you will ever know. You keep me sane. And, you are all I really have to go to when its really bad. I hope I still can..without you shuddering or pulling away.
I'll be back when I think I can be the Gracie you all know without the bad stuff coming with me.



Gracie

I come here to argue. I’m serious but it’s all in fun too. It would be boring if everyone here agreed.

People who commit suicide feel like everyone else would be better off if they were gone. So they need to know that’s not true. It would haunt us the rest of our lives if anything like that happened.

Life is short. Let’s have fun and be happy.

Very sweet to apologize. I too want my foes here to know I love them as fellow human beings. I wish them all well. Health, happiness, love, joy, etc. life is too short.

My dad can’t get over my mom. It’s been 8 years. He is throwing away the last 10-30 years of his life. Says he doesn’t care. It’s sad but you can’t try too hard. we go up north just 3 guys and nay stay 2 days. He says he can’t go. Not without ma. Then come the bullshit excuses. Can’t sleep, bla bla bla. So instead he stays home by himself. He’s been alone all week and you would think he’d want to go hang out with his two sons and my brothers father in law but nope.

How long has your husband been gone? I hope usmb gives you time to forget about your loss now and again.

 

[Circe]

I'm a mess, but I am not completely clueless. I have picked on someone nonstop for a long time and doomed you all to have to read it. I know what its like to be picked on. I do not apologize for my feelings towards that person. I do apologize for involving the rest of you to have to read it...even when it was in innocent threads and here I come...ready to bash and insult and be obnoxious. I have my reasons for that. But to make you guys uncomfortable having to witness it....people I have posted alongside with for so long, who came to my assistance in a major need, who were there for support when I lost Dennis...I have treated you in a manner you did not and do not deserve. I am so sorry for that. It will not ever happen again. This I promise you.

I am still struggling. I am borderline harming myself. I guess I needed an outlet for my anger that our golden years never happened, that he died so damn fast and left me alone, my hatred for myself that I could not save him, dealing with the loss and emptiness and the constant screaming in my head of WHY??? and just needing to vent it out and take it out on someone, something, anything. I am ashamed I have no control, that I am so weak when I am usually so strong, and that I pushed many of you away because of MY actions regardless of my reasons I focused on that one person all that nastiness I feel for life in general. I am hoping this latest situation I placed myself in, intentions misconstrued by someone I cared alot for as a fellow poster who has given advice when I needed it...will help me "get over" what is wrong with me in dealing with my current situation of being so sad, angry, bitter and lonely.

I sincerely apologize. USMB is my home board. I want it to stay that way, but I also want to be wanted, have the support still with me, and know I will not be avoided or ashamed of for my lack of control.

To those who have with been with me all thru this...I thank you. And I am so very sorry I made you uncomfortable. I plan to take a wee vacation from here but I am not leaving permanently. I need to heed my doctors advice that I visited last week. He said I need to maybe go to church and meet new people, that I am harming myself not with a gun or pills or driving off a cliff. He said I am harming myself mentally by smoking more, doing things I normally wouldn't do, not trying to live my normal life, escaping in sleep, becoming a hermit and hoping God will have mercy on me and bringing me home to Dennis, my dad and my beloved dogs that are all waiting for me because it is not my time, and I am fooling myself thinking that is NOT suicide..it is just natural causes when it is NOT natural. When he said that...it hit home. But it did not hit home about me focusing on one person I dislike and involving others in that dislike. That epiphany came to me here, in a thread I had no business getting involved in.

I have so much to learn to do now without saying "hey Dennis...I'm having issues online. How do I deal with it?" and getting a fair, honest, recommendation on what to do about it. I have my solution. Ignore, which is what I should have done long ago. Instead, I dragged you all in to it just by posting what I post and you doomed to read it.

Again, I am so sorry. Y'all help me more than you will ever know. You keep me sane. And, you are all I really have to go to when its really bad. I hope I still can..without you shuddering or pulling away.
I'll be back when I think I can be the Gracie you all know without the bad stuff coming with me.



Gracie

I think you are a good poster and I have always liked you here.

Also, you do make me consider how much I value my husband.

 

[gipper]

No need to apologize.

 

[DudleySmith]

I hope this doesn't mean you're going to start being nice to TommyTaint or Unkotare. That would just be sick.

 

[Papageorgio]

No apology is necessary, we all need to vent at times and losing a loved one brings anger to the surface. When we lost our daughter my anger was always at the surface and it didn’t take much to get me to lash out at people. Hang in there and I hope you get better.

 

[Penelope]

ready to bash and insult and be obnoxious

be as obnoxious as you want, no need to apologize

 

[gipper]

ready to bash and insult and be obnoxious

be as obnoxious as you want, no need to apologize

You need to apologize.

 

[hjmick]

Huh. I never noticed...

 

[1srelluc]

 

[Coyote]

I'm a mess, but I am not completely clueless. I have picked on someone nonstop for a long time and doomed you all to have to read it. I know what its like to be picked on. I do not apologize for my feelings towards that person. I do apologize for involving the rest of you to have to read it...even when it was in innocent threads and here I come...ready to bash and insult and be obnoxious. I have my reasons for that. But to make you guys uncomfortable having to witness it....people I have posted alongside with for so long, who came to my assistance in a major need, who were there for support when I lost Dennis...I have treated you in a manner you did not and do not deserve. I am so sorry for that. It will not ever happen again. This I promise you.

I am still struggling. I am borderline harming myself. I guess I needed an outlet for my anger that our golden years never happened, that he died so damn fast and left me alone, my hatred for myself that I could not save him, dealing with the loss and emptiness and the constant screaming in my head of WHY??? and just needing to vent it out and take it out on someone, something, anything. I am ashamed I have no control, that I am so weak when I am usually so strong, and that I pushed many of you away because of MY actions regardless of my reasons I focused on that one person all that nastiness I feel for life in general. I am hoping this latest situation I placed myself in, intentions misconstrued by someone I cared alot for as a fellow poster who has given advice when I needed it...will help me "get over" what is wrong with me in dealing with my current situation of being so sad, angry, bitter and lonely.

I sincerely apologize. USMB is my home board. I want it to stay that way, but I also want to be wanted, have the support still with me, and know I will not be avoided or ashamed of for my lack of control.

To those who have with been with me all thru this...I thank you. And I am so very sorry I made you uncomfortable. I plan to take a wee vacation from here but I am not leaving permanently. I need to heed my doctors advice that I visited last week. He said I need to maybe go to church and meet new people, that I am harming myself not with a gun or pills or driving off a cliff. He said I am harming myself mentally by smoking more, doing things I normally wouldn't do, not trying to live my normal life, escaping in sleep, becoming a hermit and hoping God will have mercy on me and bringing me home to Dennis, my dad and my beloved dogs that are all waiting for me because it is not my time, and I am fooling myself thinking that is NOT suicide..it is just natural causes when it is NOT natural. When he said that...it hit home. But it did not hit home about me focusing on one person I dislike and involving others in that dislike. That epiphany came to me here, in a thread I had no business getting involved in.

I have so much to learn to do now without saying "hey Dennis...I'm having issues online. How do I deal with it?" and getting a fair, honest, recommendation on what to do about it. I have my solution. Ignore, which is what I should have done long ago. Instead, I dragged you all in to it just by posting what I post and you doomed to read it.

Again, I am so sorry. Y'all help me more than you will ever know. You keep me sane. And, you are all I really have to go to when its really bad. I hope I still can..without you shuddering or pulling away.
I'll be back when I think I can be the Gracie you all know without the bad stuff coming with me.



Gracie

We won’t pull away Gracie, we are here for you (((hugs)))

 

[playtime]

well, that took guts, gracie. when you come back - head down to the word games more often!

 

[Michelle420]

I'm a mess, but I am not completely clueless. I have picked on someone nonstop for a long time and doomed you all to have to read it. I know what its like to be picked on. I do not apologize for my feelings towards that person. I do apologize for involving the rest of you to have to read it...even when it was in innocent threads and here I come...ready to bash and insult and be obnoxious. I have my reasons for that. But to make you guys uncomfortable having to witness it....people I have posted alongside with for so long, who came to my assistance in a major need, who were there for support when I lost Dennis...I have treated you in a manner you did not and do not deserve. I am so sorry for that. It will not ever happen again. This I promise you.

I am still struggling. I am borderline harming myself. I guess I needed an outlet for my anger that our golden years never happened, that he died so damn fast and left me alone, my hatred for myself that I could not save him, dealing with the loss and emptiness and the constant screaming in my head of WHY??? and just needing to vent it out and take it out on someone, something, anything. I am ashamed I have no control, that I am so weak when I am usually so strong, and that I pushed many of you away because of MY actions regardless of my reasons I focused on that one person all that nastiness I feel for life in general. I am hoping this latest situation I placed myself in, intentions misconstrued by someone I cared alot for as a fellow poster who has given advice when I needed it...will help me "get over" what is wrong with me in dealing with my current situation of being so sad, angry, bitter and lonely.

I sincerely apologize. USMB is my home board. I want it to stay that way, but I also want to be wanted, have the support still with me, and know I will not be avoided or ashamed of for my lack of control.

To those who have with been with me all thru this...I thank you. And I am so very sorry I made you uncomfortable. I plan to take a wee vacation from here but I am not leaving permanently. I need to heed my doctors advice that I visited last week. He said I need to maybe go to church and meet new people, that I am harming myself not with a gun or pills or driving off a cliff. He said I am harming myself mentally by smoking more, doing things I normally wouldn't do, not trying to live my normal life, escaping in sleep, becoming a hermit and hoping God will have mercy on me and bringing me home to Dennis, my dad and my beloved dogs that are all waiting for me because it is not my time, and I am fooling myself thinking that is NOT suicide..it is just natural causes when it is NOT natural. When he said that...it hit home. But it did not hit home about me focusing on one person I dislike and involving others in that dislike. That epiphany came to me here, in a thread I had no business getting involved in.

I have so much to learn to do now without saying "hey Dennis...I'm having issues online. How do I deal with it?" and getting a fair, honest, recommendation on what to do about it. I have my solution. Ignore, which is what I should have done long ago. Instead, I dragged you all in to it just by posting what I post and you doomed to read it.

Again, I am so sorry. Y'all help me more than you will ever know. You keep me sane. And, you are all I really have to go to when its really bad. I hope I still can..without you shuddering or pulling away.
I'll be back when I think I can be the Gracie you all know without the bad stuff coming with me.



Gracie

In other words, you are a human being with feelings, opinions, and experiences that shaped how you view things. I just apologized to Pupps for getting snappy. I will be taking a break from this place soon too. But it's because I am about to get busy offline with a hoarder house job. I am sure like you and myself others say things in the heat of the moment. Don't sweat it.

Take care!

 

[JustAnotherNut]

It's been 4 years since I lost my hubs and I still think of 'we' instead of 'me'. It's been hard to let him go. I am still struggling to move past that as we had been together for so long and I don't know how to live without him. But every day I just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Anger is a big part of the grieving process, go with it, lash out, fight, scream, kick and stomp your feet, shake your fists if that's what you need to do to get beyond all that so you can find acceptance that he is gone and not coming back. When we can let them go, is when we can all go on to whatever our purpose is.


And as usual my advice to you is also helping me. Hang in there Gracie, we can do this. One step at a time

 

[BlackSand]

.

.​

 

[Ringel05]

I'm a mess, but I am not completely clueless. I have picked on someone nonstop for a long time and doomed you all to have to read it. I know what its like to be picked on. I do not apologize for my feelings towards that person. I do apologize for involving the rest of you to have to read it...even when it was in innocent threads and here I come...ready to bash and insult and be obnoxious. I have my reasons for that. But to make you guys uncomfortable having to witness it....people I have posted alongside with for so long, who came to my assistance in a major need, who were there for support when I lost Dennis...I have treated you in a manner you did not and do not deserve. I am so sorry for that. It will not ever happen again. This I promise you.

I am still struggling. I am borderline harming myself. I guess I needed an outlet for my anger that our golden years never happened, that he died so damn fast and left me alone, my hatred for myself that I could not save him, dealing with the loss and emptiness and the constant screaming in my head of WHY??? and just needing to vent it out and take it out on someone, something, anything. I am ashamed I have no control, that I am so weak when I am usually so strong, and that I pushed many of you away because of MY actions regardless of my reasons I focused on that one person all that nastiness I feel for life in general. I am hoping this latest situation I placed myself in, intentions misconstrued by someone I cared alot for as a fellow poster who has given advice when I needed it...will help me "get over" what is wrong with me in dealing with my current situation of being so sad, angry, bitter and lonely.

I sincerely apologize. USMB is my home board. I want it to stay that way, but I also want to be wanted, have the support still with me, and know I will not be avoided or ashamed of for my lack of control.

To those who have with been with me all thru this...I thank you. And I am so very sorry I made you uncomfortable. I plan to take a wee vacation from here but I am not leaving permanently. I need to heed my doctors advice that I visited last week. He said I need to maybe go to church and meet new people, that I am harming myself not with a gun or pills or driving off a cliff. He said I am harming myself mentally by smoking more, doing things I normally wouldn't do, not trying to live my normal life, escaping in sleep, becoming a hermit and hoping God will have mercy on me and bringing me home to Dennis, my dad and my beloved dogs that are all waiting for me because it is not my time, and I am fooling myself thinking that is NOT suicide..it is just natural causes when it is NOT natural. When he said that...it hit home. But it did not hit home about me focusing on one person I dislike and involving others in that dislike. That epiphany came to me here, in a thread I had no business getting involved in.

I have so much to learn to do now without saying "hey Dennis...I'm having issues online. How do I deal with it?" and getting a fair, honest, recommendation on what to do about it. I have my solution. Ignore, which is what I should have done long ago. Instead, I dragged you all in to it just by posting what I post and you doomed to read it.

Again, I am so sorry. Y'all help me more than you will ever know. You keep me sane. And, you are all I really have to go to when its really bad. I hope I still can..without you shuddering or pulling away.
I'll be back when I think I can be the Gracie you all know without the bad stuff coming with me.



Gracie

Gracie I know how hard it is and I know what we can do to ourselves emotionally. We will never get over missing them but we can move past the loss & pain. God has forgiven you just like he forgave me but the one person we need forgiveness from more than anyone else is ourselves. Forgive yourself for being human, for being you, for not being perfect. Once you get there it's like that dark cloud has been lifted and you can live again instead of simply exist in a mostly self created purgatory.
May God guide and keep you.