Dating and Honesty

[ChrisL]

Wouldn't it be kind of scary though, if someone told you right off the bat "I'm looking for a husband"?

That's why I said a time and place for everything.

I think it needs to be established if there is a mutual attraction to move forward.
The problem is, if there is a mutual attraction, most guys are ready for sex whether the relationship has potential for a future or not. Women might want to wait to see if there is potential for a future to have sex.

Am I wrong here? Would you say this is true in at least 70% of the cases?

There's honesty and there's blurting out your future plans to someone you just met. That said, if you really believe that 70% of the guys you date are just in it to have sex and you are looking for commitment, unless you enjoy the process, then blurt it out.

I wouldn't say that are just in it to have sex.
I'm saying, if they find you attractive they WANT to have sex and WILL!

I woman might always want to have sex, but would hesitate because she might get hurt if it doesn't work out.

Make sense?

No. If you are worried about being hurt you wouldn't gamble by being dishonest, would you?

Or hurting the other person? I guess that thought doesn't even cross some people's minds!

 

[Bonzi]

Wouldn't it be kind of scary though, if someone told you right off the bat "I'm looking for a husband"?

That's why I said a time and place for everything.

I think it needs to be established if there is a mutual attraction to move forward.
The problem is, if there is a mutual attraction, most guys are ready for sex whether the relationship has potential for a future or not. Women might want to wait to see if there is potential for a future to have sex.

Am I wrong here? Would you say this is true in at least 70% of the cases?

There's honesty and there's blurting out your future plans to someone you just met. That said, if you really believe that 70% of the guys you date are just in it to have sex and you are looking for commitment, unless you enjoy the process, then blurt it out.

I wouldn't say that are just in it to have sex.
I'm saying, if they find you attractive they WANT to have sex and WILL!

I woman might always want to have sex, but would hesitate because she might get hurt if it doesn't work out.

Make sense?

No. If you are worried about being hurt you wouldn't gamble by being dishonest, would you?

Is it dishonest to NOT tell a guy you won't have sex with him until you are sure there is something substantial there?

 

[ChrisL]

If you are not honest, it probably wont continue..
At least it wouldn't with me.. I cant stand dishonesty.
I would think there is a time and place for everything.

Wouldn't it be kind of scary though, if someone told you right off the bat "I'm looking for a husband"?

That's why I said a time and place for everything.

Hmm. When was the last time either one of you went on a date, not including your spouses?

Well that's true. Internet dating is a big deal. I imagine a lot of them have everything laid out right there lol

And I bet a lot of guys that read this, run away:

I'm looking for my one true love to marry.
He must like cats and like to snuggle but not necessarily have sex.
He must like watching tear jerkers and spend lots of time with my family.

Not have sex? Huh?

 

[ChrisL]

That's why I said a time and place for everything.

I think it needs to be established if there is a mutual attraction to move forward.
The problem is, if there is a mutual attraction, most guys are ready for sex whether the relationship has potential for a future or not. Women might want to wait to see if there is potential for a future to have sex.

Am I wrong here? Would you say this is true in at least 70% of the cases?

There's honesty and there's blurting out your future plans to someone you just met. That said, if you really believe that 70% of the guys you date are just in it to have sex and you are looking for commitment, unless you enjoy the process, then blurt it out.

I wouldn't say that are just in it to have sex.
I'm saying, if they find you attractive they WANT to have sex and WILL!

I woman might always want to have sex, but would hesitate because she might get hurt if it doesn't work out.

Make sense?

No. If you are worried about being hurt you wouldn't gamble by being dishonest, would you?

Is it dishonest to NOT tell a guy you won't have sex with him until you are sure there is something substantial there?

You don't say anything like that in the first few dates. That is for just getting to know a person better, IMO. Let things progress naturally. Christ! It's not rocket science!

 

[ChrisL]

I've never known a married person to start so many threads about sex and dating! Do yourself a favor Bonzi, if the man ain't doing his job, get yourself a vibrator or something. Bzzzzzz.

 

[Compost]

That's why I said a time and place for everything.

I think it needs to be established if there is a mutual attraction to move forward.
The problem is, if there is a mutual attraction, most guys are ready for sex whether the relationship has potential for a future or not. Women might want to wait to see if there is potential for a future to have sex.

Am I wrong here? Would you say this is true in at least 70% of the cases?

There's honesty and there's blurting out your future plans to someone you just met. That said, if you really believe that 70% of the guys you date are just in it to have sex and you are looking for commitment, unless you enjoy the process, then blurt it out.

I wouldn't say that are just in it to have sex.
I'm saying, if they find you attractive they WANT to have sex and WILL!

I woman might always want to have sex, but would hesitate because she might get hurt if it doesn't work out.

Make sense?

No. If you are worried about being hurt you wouldn't gamble by being dishonest, would you?

Is it dishonest to NOT tell a guy you won't have sex with him until you are sure there is something substantial there?

That's for you to decide, though I'd so technically, no. But if you are worried about being hurt or think that most guys just want sex while you are looking for permanence it seems to me you'd want to cut through the chaff.

 

[Compost]

I've never known a married person to start so many threads about sex and dating! Do yourself a favor Bonzi, if the man ain't doing his job, get yourself a vibrator or something. Bzzzzzz.

She's married!? WTF?

 

[ChrisL]

I've never known a married person to start so many threads about sex and dating! Do yourself a favor Bonzi, if the man ain't doing his job, get yourself a vibrator or something. Bzzzzzz.

She's married!? WTF?

That's what she says anyways.

 

[Bonzi]

Yet initially a guy might not realize you are worth the wait, and, if you can continue to "engage" him, he might say, you know this girl is something special....

If you come on too strong with all the info up front, you might scare him away.....

 

[Bonzi]

So married people are not supposed to discuss things that single people do? Interesting....

 

[Compost]

I've never known a married person to start so many threads about sex and dating! Do yourself a favor Bonzi, if the man ain't doing his job, get yourself a vibrator or something. Bzzzzzz.

She's married!? WTF?

That's what she says anyways.

So I see...

 

[ChrisL]

So married people are not supposed to discuss things that single people do? Interesting....

It's weird to me when a married person thinks so much about dating.

 

[Compost]

So married people are not supposed to discuss things that single people do? Interesting....

Well, speaking as a married person, I don't ask for dating tips on how honest I ought to be that I am looking to get married. Of course, that's just me.

 

[ChrisL]

Yet initially a guy might not realize you are worth the wait, and, if you can continue to "engage" him, he might say, you know this girl is something special....

If you come on too strong with all the info up front, you might scare him away.....

If he's interested, then he's interested. If he is not, then oh well.

 

[ChrisL]

So married people are not supposed to discuss things that single people do? Interesting....

Well, speaking as a married person, I don't ask for dating tips on how honest I ought to be that I am looking to get married. Of course, that's just me.

Glad I'm not the only one to think it's weird.

 

[ChrisL]

So married people are not supposed to discuss things that single people do? Interesting....

Didn't you come here when Ashley Madison closed up shop? The way you post about dating and sex, it seems as if you are looking for an affair but just don't want to come out and say so. Just saying.

 

[Bonzi]

Opinions vary and to each his own...

I'm not looking for dating tips, I'm asking people their opinions are regarding honesty and deceitfulness (where you draw the line)

I have a single son, and single nieces and nephews....I think it's weird that other people would care why I ask and make nasty assumptions about it....

 

[ChrisL]

Opinions vary and to each his own...

I'm not looking for dating tips, I'm asking people their opinions are regarding honesty and deceitfulness (where you draw the line)

I have a single son, and single nieces and nephews....I think it's weird that other people would care why I ask and make nasty assumptions about it....

Oh come on, woman! What about your other threads that you've started? People are not as stupid as you might think.

 

[Syriusly]

How honest should you be when you are first dating someone?

Should you let it all out right away?
Should you wait after a few dates to see if there are any sparks?
What if there are sparks, but, then you don't want to be honest cause you want to continue anyway?

I think we should all be essentially honest.

But that doesn't mean we all have to share everything with everyone all the time.

 

[ChrisL]

I could mention a few "other" things that have been said on this forum too.