You Just Might Be a Gun Nut ...
....if you ever seriously thought about dabbing a little Hoppe's #9 on your neck before going out on a date.
....if you buy some checkering tools, checker all your gun stocks, and then start on the bedposts.
....if you cannot recall how many firearms you own.
....if you buy a gun that's just like that other gun you have except the barrel is 1/2" shorter (or longer).
....if you buy a gun at a shop only to find out you used to own it a couple of years ago.
....if you know 12 different names for one caliber of cartridge.
....if you ever clean a gun that hasn't been shot in the week since you cleaned it last.
....if you consider naming your unborn child Winchester or Remington.
....if you purchased two Glocks and two Sigs just to see which brand was better.
....if your drive to work is filled with reverie about why Ed's Red actually works.
....if you strip all the paint off your car and refinish it with cold blue.
....if you ever bought ammo in a caliber for which you have no gun, because you thought some day you MIGHT get a gun in that caliber.
....if your collection of American Rifleman back issues, Gun Digests, and reloading manuals cost you a premium the last time you moved.
....if you have more than one gun that "kills on both ends."
....if you buy high capacity magazines for a gun you have not bought yet.
....if you take your guns out of the safe each night and handle them, just so you can wipe them off before putting them away.
....if your mother-in-law asks what new gun junk you want for Christmas this year.
....if you see TV footage of the war in Ukraine and wish you were there to pick up the brass.
....if you drive 300 miles just to ogle (and fire) HK-MP5s (and Stens, Uzis, BMGs and whatever else shows up at Knob Creek).
....if you keep a loaded gun hidden in every room in the house, including the bathroom and kitchen, "just in case," and then keep one on you at all times just in case someone breaks in while you're in the hallway.
....if you consider it unpatriotic not to own at least one .45 and one .22.
....if you named your pocket pistol "Little Guy" and your 12 gauge "Big Jake."
....if you own reloading dies for calibers that you do not shoot.
....if you understand Smith & Wesson's model numbers.
....if you ever bought two brands of the same weight and type of bullet, just to see if one "shot better."
....if you keep a collection of different cartridges at your place of work as a "conversation piece."
....if you take your wife on vacation to a gun show for your 10th Anniversary and she is as excited to go as you are.
....if you ever had to explain, "It's NOT the same gun, it's a different VARIANT ... "
....if you and your new father-in-law go to a gun show on your wedding day.
....if you have life memberships in more than one shooting organization.
....if you read that the antis want to outlaw possession of more than 1,000 rounds of ammunition and think, "I have more than that rolling around loose in the trunk of my car!"
....if watching The Lion King gives you the itch for a .470 Nitro Express.
....if, while watching the movie Terminator 2, you have to leave the room in tears and mournful sobs after Arnold Schwarzenegger throws the CAR-15 off the moving tractor trailer and it goes bouncing away.
....if you go to three different gun shows within a month and you're excited every single time.
....if your guns are cleaner than your residence.
....if you have 5 different guns being DROS'd at 3 different FFL dealers.
....if you plunked down a $130 deposit on a Seecamp after waiting two years for them to accept your order, and are still willing to wait another two years for them to make your pistol.
....if your mom gives you a new Springfield Armory .308 sniper rifle for Christmas.
....if all the local gun shops know you by name.
....if you have your own BATF agent assigned to you.
....if you're friends with 90% of the employees at all the local gun shops.
....if you identify the gun on the cover of Dillons Blue Press before you even notice the girl.
....if, when you stop in at the local gun shop, they ask you questions like: "How was work?" "How are the wife and kids?" "We're gonna order some food, ya want in?" etc.
....if you have more gunpowder stashed in your home than your local sporting goods store has on hand.
....if you can wallpaper your house with old issues of Shotgun News, Gun List, Guns & Ammo, etc.
....if all of your children are life members of the NRA.
....if your children are named "Garrison" and "Ronin."
....if you make $30 per hour at work, but spend 30 minutes on your knees at the range looking for that last piece of .40 S&W brass.
....if you have Brownells on speed dial.
....if you trimmed down 100 10mm cases to form .357 Sig brass before commercial supplies of this brass were available.
....if the custom door lock pulls on your Jeep are .223 Rem cases and the gear shift knob is a .50 BMG.
....if your girl friend thinks that aura of Hoppes #9 is your favorite after shave.
....if you have guns in your safe that you can't for the life of you remember how you came by.
....if you tag pages in SGN/GL for later reference.
....if you own enough guns to arm everyone on your block.
...if when going to the bathroom at night you "slice the pie" on your way to the toilet seat.
....if you actually have night sights on your **** so you can pee in the dark.
....if you own 4 AR-15's configured EXACTLY the same but by different manufacturers (Colt, Bushmaster, Olympic Arms, Armalite, etc.) just because you can.
....if the last 5 guns you bought are never to be fired.
....if, when buying a new gun, you plead with your gun shop to keep it until you have space for it.
....if your wife wants to wear black leather so you buy her a carry holster.
....if you have Trijicon Night-Lights in your bedroom.
....if your mailbox has a Weaver Rail on top.
....if you can't figure out why your non-shooting friends laugh when you say, "Bushmaster."
....if you build a gun rack in your bedroom and it's closer to you than your wife.
....if you can identify gunshots from faraway as to caliber, whether from a rifle or pistol, brand of gun, grains of powder used, type of powder and at what velocity.
....if you ever stumbled across a cache of once-fired brass for a caliber you don't own, but hoarded it anyway.
....if your answer to the recent thread, "How many guns do you need?" is, "How many do you have room for in your house?"
....if you stockpiled thousands of primers during the infamous "Primer Famine of 1994."
....if a friend knows you reload and gives you a set of dies of a caliber you do not already have, and you go out and buy a gun so you can use the FREE dies.
....if, when you do the wash, several spent casings fall out of your rolled-up sleeves.
....if you go to a gun show and contemplate buying a particular gun for a half an hour before you remember that you already have that one.
....if, when you go to the magazine rack, you check the "Guns and Ammo" cover to see if there are new guns as compared to checking the Playboy cover to see what it is offering.
....if you own more reloading manuals than Bibles.
....if you own a BAYONET for a gun you haven't bought yet.
....if you buy a gun that is a duplicate of one you already have because the original one might break someday . . .
....if you name your first-born boy MAK90.
....if you'd rather have a $10,000 PSG-1 and drive a $600 car, rather than drive a $10,000 car and have a $600 gun.
....if you preach how stupid gun laws/bans are at work when you work in a predominantly ANTI-gun company.
....if you would rather ban alcohol than high-capacity clips/magazines.
....if you name your first-born girl LadySmith.
....if your kid's disposable diapers come in camo battle packs.
....if it bothers you more when 007 loses his gun than when the Bond girl dies.
....if your key-ring fob is a converted .50BMG cartridge.
....if your driver's license says "must wear night-vision goggles."
....if you watch La Femme Nikita just to see the HK MP5s.
....if "Miller Time" means plinking at beer cans.
....if the highlight of your week is discovering that six .40 S&W hollow points fit perfectly in a plastic 35mm film canister (five up/one down in the middle).
....if you put a Hogue Grip on your car's parking brake.
....if you retrofit a laser sight to your TV remote control. ....if it takes you several minutes leafing through "Small Arms of the World" to find a gun you have never fired.
....if you have a callus on your shoulder.
....if you've ever sent a scope (that was never dropped) back to Leupold for repair.
....if factories ask YOU how well their guns hold up.
....if Hornady's largest midwestern distributor informs you that you've bought over half of all the Vector ammo they've ever had in stock.
....if you even had the thought, "I wonder what scale little kids' Animal Crackers are, compared to Regulation silhouettes?"
....if your standard Sunday afternoon question to guys selling surplus ammo at gun shows is "How much for all of it, so you don't have to lug it home?"
....if RCBS asked YOU for load data for the .357 Sig (before it was published).
....if you shoot enough Berdan-primed ammo that you are on a first-name basis with your local scrap metal dealer.
....if, upon seeing your 1978 wildcatting project (a .375 on a .50 Sharps 3 1/4" case, 3340 FPS with a 300 Sierra boat tail), Elmer Keith says "You're nuts!"
....if Keith Francis (at JGS, the chambering reamer company), answers your phone calls "What have you dreamed up THIS time?"
....if you own a firearm listed in the Guinness Book of World Records.
....if you go to a marriage counselor, he asks you which you like better, shooting or sex, and you think it's the stupidest question you've ever heard.
....if you're in the army reserves, and they can't figure out why every time they send you out to shoot the M60 with 100 rounds, you return with a shot-out barrel (it never dawns on them you're bringing your own ammo ...).
....if you keep a copy of one of Elmer Keith's books on your coffee table.
....if you spend more on ammo each month than on food.
....if you list your local FFL dealer as a dependent on your tax return.
....if a topless joint with free admission is half a mile away, and instead you drive 40 miles to the shooting range on a Saturday night.
....if you alternate Silvertips and Hydra-Shocks in your magazines because they look prettier that way.
....if you guess range and windage whenever you look at road signs.
....if you have more .50 caliber ammo cans than the local U. S. Army Reserves armory.
....if your gun collection is worth more than your automobile.
....if you have to run out to the range this weekend to shoot up some ammo because you need some brass to reload.
....if you're still reading this insane list.
....if you ever seriously thought about dabbing a little Hoppe's #9 on your neck before going out on a date.
....if you buy some checkering tools, checker all your gun stocks, and then start on the bedposts.
....if you cannot recall how many firearms you own.
....if you buy a gun that's just like that other gun you have except the barrel is 1/2" shorter (or longer).
....if you buy a gun at a shop only to find out you used to own it a couple of years ago.
....if you know 12 different names for one caliber of cartridge.
....if you ever clean a gun that hasn't been shot in the week since you cleaned it last.
....if you consider naming your unborn child Winchester or Remington.
....if you purchased two Glocks and two Sigs just to see which brand was better.
....if your drive to work is filled with reverie about why Ed's Red actually works.
....if you strip all the paint off your car and refinish it with cold blue.
....if you ever bought ammo in a caliber for which you have no gun, because you thought some day you MIGHT get a gun in that caliber.
....if your collection of American Rifleman back issues, Gun Digests, and reloading manuals cost you a premium the last time you moved.
....if you have more than one gun that "kills on both ends."
....if you buy high capacity magazines for a gun you have not bought yet.
....if you take your guns out of the safe each night and handle them, just so you can wipe them off before putting them away.
....if your mother-in-law asks what new gun junk you want for Christmas this year.
....if you see TV footage of the war in Ukraine and wish you were there to pick up the brass.
....if you drive 300 miles just to ogle (and fire) HK-MP5s (and Stens, Uzis, BMGs and whatever else shows up at Knob Creek).
....if you keep a loaded gun hidden in every room in the house, including the bathroom and kitchen, "just in case," and then keep one on you at all times just in case someone breaks in while you're in the hallway.
....if you consider it unpatriotic not to own at least one .45 and one .22.
....if you named your pocket pistol "Little Guy" and your 12 gauge "Big Jake."
....if you own reloading dies for calibers that you do not shoot.
....if you understand Smith & Wesson's model numbers.
....if you ever bought two brands of the same weight and type of bullet, just to see if one "shot better."
....if you keep a collection of different cartridges at your place of work as a "conversation piece."
....if you take your wife on vacation to a gun show for your 10th Anniversary and she is as excited to go as you are.
....if you ever had to explain, "It's NOT the same gun, it's a different VARIANT ... "
....if you and your new father-in-law go to a gun show on your wedding day.
....if you have life memberships in more than one shooting organization.
....if you read that the antis want to outlaw possession of more than 1,000 rounds of ammunition and think, "I have more than that rolling around loose in the trunk of my car!"
....if watching The Lion King gives you the itch for a .470 Nitro Express.
....if, while watching the movie Terminator 2, you have to leave the room in tears and mournful sobs after Arnold Schwarzenegger throws the CAR-15 off the moving tractor trailer and it goes bouncing away.
....if you go to three different gun shows within a month and you're excited every single time.
....if your guns are cleaner than your residence.
....if you have 5 different guns being DROS'd at 3 different FFL dealers.
....if you plunked down a $130 deposit on a Seecamp after waiting two years for them to accept your order, and are still willing to wait another two years for them to make your pistol.
....if your mom gives you a new Springfield Armory .308 sniper rifle for Christmas.
....if all the local gun shops know you by name.
....if you have your own BATF agent assigned to you.
....if you're friends with 90% of the employees at all the local gun shops.
....if you identify the gun on the cover of Dillons Blue Press before you even notice the girl.
....if, when you stop in at the local gun shop, they ask you questions like: "How was work?" "How are the wife and kids?" "We're gonna order some food, ya want in?" etc.
....if you have more gunpowder stashed in your home than your local sporting goods store has on hand.
....if you can wallpaper your house with old issues of Shotgun News, Gun List, Guns & Ammo, etc.
....if all of your children are life members of the NRA.
....if your children are named "Garrison" and "Ronin."
....if you make $30 per hour at work, but spend 30 minutes on your knees at the range looking for that last piece of .40 S&W brass.
....if you have Brownells on speed dial.
....if you trimmed down 100 10mm cases to form .357 Sig brass before commercial supplies of this brass were available.
....if the custom door lock pulls on your Jeep are .223 Rem cases and the gear shift knob is a .50 BMG.
....if your girl friend thinks that aura of Hoppes #9 is your favorite after shave.
....if you have guns in your safe that you can't for the life of you remember how you came by.
....if you tag pages in SGN/GL for later reference.
....if you own enough guns to arm everyone on your block.
...if when going to the bathroom at night you "slice the pie" on your way to the toilet seat.
....if you actually have night sights on your **** so you can pee in the dark.
....if you own 4 AR-15's configured EXACTLY the same but by different manufacturers (Colt, Bushmaster, Olympic Arms, Armalite, etc.) just because you can.
....if the last 5 guns you bought are never to be fired.
....if, when buying a new gun, you plead with your gun shop to keep it until you have space for it.
....if your wife wants to wear black leather so you buy her a carry holster.
....if you have Trijicon Night-Lights in your bedroom.
....if your mailbox has a Weaver Rail on top.
....if you can't figure out why your non-shooting friends laugh when you say, "Bushmaster."
....if you build a gun rack in your bedroom and it's closer to you than your wife.
....if you can identify gunshots from faraway as to caliber, whether from a rifle or pistol, brand of gun, grains of powder used, type of powder and at what velocity.
....if you ever stumbled across a cache of once-fired brass for a caliber you don't own, but hoarded it anyway.
....if your answer to the recent thread, "How many guns do you need?" is, "How many do you have room for in your house?"
....if you stockpiled thousands of primers during the infamous "Primer Famine of 1994."
....if a friend knows you reload and gives you a set of dies of a caliber you do not already have, and you go out and buy a gun so you can use the FREE dies.
....if, when you do the wash, several spent casings fall out of your rolled-up sleeves.
....if you go to a gun show and contemplate buying a particular gun for a half an hour before you remember that you already have that one.
....if, when you go to the magazine rack, you check the "Guns and Ammo" cover to see if there are new guns as compared to checking the Playboy cover to see what it is offering.
....if you own more reloading manuals than Bibles.
....if you own a BAYONET for a gun you haven't bought yet.
....if you buy a gun that is a duplicate of one you already have because the original one might break someday . . .
....if you name your first-born boy MAK90.
....if you'd rather have a $10,000 PSG-1 and drive a $600 car, rather than drive a $10,000 car and have a $600 gun.
....if you preach how stupid gun laws/bans are at work when you work in a predominantly ANTI-gun company.
....if you would rather ban alcohol than high-capacity clips/magazines.
....if you name your first-born girl LadySmith.
....if your kid's disposable diapers come in camo battle packs.
....if it bothers you more when 007 loses his gun than when the Bond girl dies.
....if your key-ring fob is a converted .50BMG cartridge.
....if your driver's license says "must wear night-vision goggles."
....if you watch La Femme Nikita just to see the HK MP5s.
....if "Miller Time" means plinking at beer cans.
....if the highlight of your week is discovering that six .40 S&W hollow points fit perfectly in a plastic 35mm film canister (five up/one down in the middle).
....if you put a Hogue Grip on your car's parking brake.
....if you retrofit a laser sight to your TV remote control. ....if it takes you several minutes leafing through "Small Arms of the World" to find a gun you have never fired.
....if you have a callus on your shoulder.
....if you've ever sent a scope (that was never dropped) back to Leupold for repair.
....if factories ask YOU how well their guns hold up.
....if Hornady's largest midwestern distributor informs you that you've bought over half of all the Vector ammo they've ever had in stock.
....if you even had the thought, "I wonder what scale little kids' Animal Crackers are, compared to Regulation silhouettes?"
....if your standard Sunday afternoon question to guys selling surplus ammo at gun shows is "How much for all of it, so you don't have to lug it home?"
....if RCBS asked YOU for load data for the .357 Sig (before it was published).
....if you shoot enough Berdan-primed ammo that you are on a first-name basis with your local scrap metal dealer.
....if, upon seeing your 1978 wildcatting project (a .375 on a .50 Sharps 3 1/4" case, 3340 FPS with a 300 Sierra boat tail), Elmer Keith says "You're nuts!"
....if Keith Francis (at JGS, the chambering reamer company), answers your phone calls "What have you dreamed up THIS time?"
....if you own a firearm listed in the Guinness Book of World Records.
....if you go to a marriage counselor, he asks you which you like better, shooting or sex, and you think it's the stupidest question you've ever heard.
....if you're in the army reserves, and they can't figure out why every time they send you out to shoot the M60 with 100 rounds, you return with a shot-out barrel (it never dawns on them you're bringing your own ammo ...).
....if you keep a copy of one of Elmer Keith's books on your coffee table.
....if you spend more on ammo each month than on food.
....if you list your local FFL dealer as a dependent on your tax return.
....if a topless joint with free admission is half a mile away, and instead you drive 40 miles to the shooting range on a Saturday night.
....if you alternate Silvertips and Hydra-Shocks in your magazines because they look prettier that way.
....if you guess range and windage whenever you look at road signs.
....if you have more .50 caliber ammo cans than the local U. S. Army Reserves armory.
....if your gun collection is worth more than your automobile.
....if you have to run out to the range this weekend to shoot up some ammo because you need some brass to reload.
....if you're still reading this insane list.
Prayers up for your good health and happiness now and always. 
