Captain Creeper
Diamond Member
- Oct 13, 2025
- 3,098
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I stated in a post recently about how bad the mosquitos are this year in the deep, deep south this year. Well, now I have them in my house! I am getting eaten up at night while I sleep! I have bought 5 Zevos (which work very well, I will say) and some kind of indoor electric lighted zapper contraption that scares my dogs. I have been scanning the internet for more intel to help me. Then I found it: attractant! There is this stuff called Octenol that mimics the smell of human sweat. It will draw the critters in for an ass beating, or so they say.
I got some of this sh*t over the internet. Then a problem arose: What, exactly, do I do with this stuff? How do I use it? I had absolutely no idea. Do I put it on or around my Zevo devices to drawn them in? There is already a UV light to attract them. Will this enhance the attraction? I have been also using a good, old fashioned fly swatter, which is pretty effective if you can find one or two of those blood-sucking monsters lighting on the wall. But even that is not very efficient, as these damn things are fast and will sometimes exit Stage Right before you can get to them.
But last night I had an epiphany. I was lying in bed listening to old Art Bell shows via podcast, being kept awake by all the itching I was suffering. Now, I cannot explain to you exactly how I discovered my newfound technique. I am intending to patent it. In fact, I am already in talks with some very powerful NYC Jewish lawyers as I write this. Basically, here is the technique:
First, you get you some of that Octenol stuff. Then, after some "long and hard" prepping, you rub that sh*t on your tallywhacker. Then you stand there, with your flyswatter in hand, and wait. Eventually, they are going to be drawn to it and light on your ding-dong. Then you whack the mofo with your swatter!! BAMM!! Dead bug!!! Then you repeat, over and over until your infestation is gone!!
Also, I will let you in on a little secret. I bought one of those electric zapper swatters from Bass Pro Shop during my lunch today. I cannot wait to get home and try it out!!
I got some of this sh*t over the internet. Then a problem arose: What, exactly, do I do with this stuff? How do I use it? I had absolutely no idea. Do I put it on or around my Zevo devices to drawn them in? There is already a UV light to attract them. Will this enhance the attraction? I have been also using a good, old fashioned fly swatter, which is pretty effective if you can find one or two of those blood-sucking monsters lighting on the wall. But even that is not very efficient, as these damn things are fast and will sometimes exit Stage Right before you can get to them.
But last night I had an epiphany. I was lying in bed listening to old Art Bell shows via podcast, being kept awake by all the itching I was suffering. Now, I cannot explain to you exactly how I discovered my newfound technique. I am intending to patent it. In fact, I am already in talks with some very powerful NYC Jewish lawyers as I write this. Basically, here is the technique:
First, you get you some of that Octenol stuff. Then, after some "long and hard" prepping, you rub that sh*t on your tallywhacker. Then you stand there, with your flyswatter in hand, and wait. Eventually, they are going to be drawn to it and light on your ding-dong. Then you whack the mofo with your swatter!! BAMM!! Dead bug!!! Then you repeat, over and over until your infestation is gone!!
Also, I will let you in on a little secret. I bought one of those electric zapper swatters from Bass Pro Shop during my lunch today. I cannot wait to get home and try it out!!
