I hung free from an 11th story balcony gripping with only my hands.
I climbed a 30-story construction crane at night.
I climbed a 1,500 foot granite face without a rope.
I climbed a fourteen thousand foot peak after eating psychoactive mushrooms.
I hiked from the California/Mexico border to Lake Tahoe in two and a half months.
I got married when I was 19!
Divorced when I was 22.
I shaved off all of my body hair, sprayed myself with tanning spray, shaved my beard into a handle-bar moustache and went to Halloween party dressed as Hulk Hogan. My best friend went as Macho Man Randy Savage. It was hilarious, brother. The three months it took to grow my body hair back was itchy, and my girlfriend complained of my stubble.
I fell 200 feet down an ice shoot and nearly died but stopped myself with my ice axe when I slid onto a patch of snow. Then I took some deep breaths and started climbing again.
I dated a woman for almost a year who treated me like shit.
I tried to murder my drunk abusive step-father when I was 16, with my barehands. I would've too, if it hadn't been for my mother hitting me over the head 8 times.
I did the twirly dick trick in front of a large number of college women at a sorority house party. I broke hearts and turned stomachs with that one.
I climbed the north-east face of 13,000 foot mountain naked without a rope on my 26th birthday. We took pictures of me wearing only one sock on the summit. It wasn't on my feet.
My best friend and I found human remains at the base of Blanca Peak which had been there 10 years. We reported it to the police who contacted Search and Rescue. The identified the man. His son, and brother had last seen him hiking toward the summit from the other side where we found him. His family had never really known what happened to him until after we found him. His sister called me and tearfully thanked me.
There's more but now everyone reading this thinks I'm a crazy egomaniac.