wedding etiquette....an o hell moment~help

[strollingbones]

scenario: friend is getting married....mails out all the invites...invites a married couple she has been friends with for years...she knows the male longer and better than the female of the couple..when shazam....she finds out the couple have recently separated...the male has fallen for another woman...tells the female....serves separation papers...which she is refusing to sign...this all happens in about a two week period.

female is devastated and feels blind sided, she is digging in and getting bitter...male is living with friends, has new g/f etc. but in the throngs of guilt...wants to settle this quickly...offering a buy out on both house and business... now here is the problem...the wedding invite is to both of them as one couple....but now they are separated....does she mail him one..saying so and so and guest..taking the chance he will bring his new g/f to the wedding?

so far our discussion has been...his parents will be there....his wife will be there...would he have the balls to roll in with his new g/f? what does one do in this case? its a nightmare for the locals...she is a sweet girl and was totally blindsided...right before their 5th anniversary...now i have told my friend she is only hearing one side of this story...but she is mad that her male friend has not told her anything...i have cautioned her...not to get to pulled into this..and told her that of course he hasnt figured out how to tell his friends that he has been a total dog..but to figure out the wedding invites....

are they now expected to come as a couple? for appearances? separate with guests? would he have the nerve to roll in with his new bit of fluff? this may prove to be a social mess...as it is a small town...everyone knows what everyone knows...

 

[Luissa]

I am sure the guy will bring his girlfriend, they usually do. If I was the jilted wife I would find the best looking available male she knows and go to the wedding. Men hate when you move on also.

 

[strollingbones]

see ...my friend doesnt think he will roll in with new g/f....i say new g/f will demand to go...wife is looking good...we are wondering if she should just move on...too...i think wife is still in adjustment phase...but man the bitterness phase will hit soon. hubby will move on from the guilt phase...my advice has been to send him an invite....and if she feels like she has to include the and guest part..then you are taking chances...i say just invite him.

 

[Xenophon]

Send another invite, their lives ain't your problem.

 

[strollingbones]

ahhh but on the new invite....is for him only or him and guest? to me its too soon to get friends involved...this things do work out at times....they are young and think its the worst thing that could ever happen...i say the invite is only for him...dont take any chance of their martial discord spoiling your day

 

[Terry]

I would send a single invite to both of them, and I bet at least one of them will not come to the wedding.

 

[strollingbones]

wife will come to wedding...his parents are guests....its a mess..socially....that is why i stay out of this crap....you cant make him escort his wife to the wedding...he is moving way too fast..i think the older ones of us....are still in a wait and see mode....give it a bit of tme...but the man wants the settlement fast....why..you cant do anything in nc for a year...she is refusing to sign the separation papers but my dear hubby says that doesnt matter he just has to be out for a year. with witnesses....i say leave it be...dont issue any more invites till she has talked to her friend...the man..right now ...everyone is inclined to side with the sweet little wife...and i question his judgement of having an intown bit of fluff...he should have taken that out of town....not allowing it to touch his family....he aint in love....but he is good and heavy in lust...men..........thfffffffffffffffffffffffffffff

 

[Terry]

wife will come to wedding...his parents are guests....its a mess..socially....that is why i stay out of this crap....you cant make him escort his wife to the wedding...he is moving way too fast..i think the older ones of us....are still in a wait and see mode....give it a bit of tme...but the man wants the settlement fast....why..you cant do anything in nc for a year...she is refusing to sign the separation papers but my dear hubby says that doesnt matter he just has to be out for a year. with witnesses....i say leave it be...dont issue any more invites till she has talked to her friend...the man..right now ...everyone is inclined to side with the sweet little wife...and i question his judgement of having an intown bit of fluff...he should have taken that out of town....not allowing it to touch his family....he aint in love....but he is good and heavy in lust...men..........thfffffffffffffffffffffffffffff

so one invite has already been sent out, do both know about that one invite already? If so, do nothing else. The couple in question if they both know about the invite will have to figure it out. If only the female knows then I still wouldn't do shit because it's not the couple getting married's problem because invites were sent out already however; I would have someone that will be attending the wedding to monitor if they both show up and be quick to step in to stop and unwanted emotional scenes.

 

[Care4all]

Send a single invite to the 2 of them, do NOT take the chance of ruining her own wedding day for the sake of trying to be politically correct if it is politically correct to tell guest they can bring a friend.

You can damn well know, HE WILL bring the gf if he has the opportunity.

 

[strollingbones]

the invite went to the wife's home...which at the time...my friend thought was both of their homes....friend has been friends of the man longer and closer...i would be shocked if he didnt come to the reception and all...someone to intervene...that is a tough one....everyone has a business relationship with the man's dad. o well...life goes on....and its 6 weeks to the wedding...so things could change...

 

[Terry]

the invite went to the wife's home...which at the time...my friend thought was both of their homes....friend has been friends of the man longer and closer...i would be shocked if he didnt come to the reception and all...someone to intervene...that is a tough one....everyone has a business relationship with the man's dad. o well...life goes on....and its 6 weeks to the wedding...so things could change...

It's not the bride's problem if the invitation wasn't seen by both. I'm sure both were in full knowlege a wedding was pending if indeed they were friends so...if the male didn't know the invitation was delievered then too bad. The Bride to be needs to do nothing more but to maybe request a close family member to monitor if and when they show up. It's her day after all. She doesn't need to stress over this crap.

 

[Big Black Dog]

I'm just a guy so I don't have very much experience in these kind of things at all but let me toss in a guy's opinion. First of all, the bride and the groom didn't cause this problem and it isn't their place to try and solve it. If it's a small local group of folks that have been invited then everybody else knows what is going on anyway so no need to try and conceil the situation. An invitation has already been sent and I would let it end with that. The split up couple can solve this problem themselves. My guess is that probably neither of them will show up anyway. If they do, it will be just one of those "show my face and then leave quickly" kind of things.

 

[007]

If they're broke up they're broke... what's the problem? Let them work it out. It's really no one else's business.

 

[Coloradomtnman]

Isn't this the sideplot of a romantic comedy?

 

[007]

Isn't this the sideplot of a romantic comedy?

Could be... or the plot for a soap opera... I guess that's the way you get when you lay up all day and don't do shit.

 

[strollingbones]

who lays up all day and doesnt do shit?

i got to hear about this for hours yesterday....during lunch etc.

 

[007]

who lays up all day and doesnt do shit?

i got to hear about this for hours yesterday....during lunch etc.

Wasn't it you that just recently started a thread complaining that your husband had called expecting something to be done and you hadn't done it because you'd sat on your butt all day?

 

[strollingbones]

who lays up all day and doesnt do shit?

i got to hear about this for hours yesterday....during lunch etc.

Wasn't it you that just recently started a thread complaining that your husband had called expecting something to be done and you hadn't done it because you'd sat on your butt all day?

yea i didnt wanna go out that day...cause i had worked all weekend....i find it humorous when posters get on others for doing what they are doing....can you say irony....o you may be able to say it...but can you see the irony?

 

[strollingbones]

o hell ravi can you un invite? i told her not to worry about it...it would go one way or the other...she wasnt amused by my sage advice....

 

[007]

who lays up all day and doesnt do shit?

i got to hear about this for hours yesterday....during lunch etc.

Wasn't it you that just recently started a thread complaining that your husband had called expecting something to be done and you hadn't done it because you'd sat on your butt all day?

yea i didnt wanna go out that day...cause i had worked all weekend....i find it humorous when posters get on others for doing what they are doing....can you say irony....o you may be able to say it...but can you see the irony?

Sorry bones, I work everyday. Sometimes I do things in the morning, sometimes in the afternoon, and sometimes I work from dawn 'til dusk. Very few days I play. My Harley sits FAR more than it should.

And I REALLY hate to say this, but I agree with Ravi...