To Semper Fi and Other Young Males

[Annie]

here we go again:

http://www.blog.thefieleks.com/archives/002613.html

Making the rules...
I have been carefully thinking ahead with a baby in the house. Waaaaayyy ahead... all the way to...

The Dating Years! ​

And I'm making up the rules now.

This is my daughter. She is a wonderful young lady and deserves all the respect that entails. You will treat her with respect. If you are incapable of treating her with respect, I will remove you from the gene pool to prevent your kind from corrupting future generations.

You are a dumbass. I may chose to tell you so. Don't be offended -- all teenage boys are dumbasses. Go take a look in the dictionary. Dumbass is shorthand for 'teenage boy', in addition to its myriad other uses.

You will come to the door and ask to see my daughter. You will not honk your horn from the curb. See #1.

I understand that you are a teenage boy, and that hormones are raging through your body, causing feelings and desires that are new and exciting. As an aid to your self control, I have acquired a staple gun and an ice pack. A little chill and pain down there will help you keep things in perspective.
Do you have a cell phone? Good. Give me the number. I may call this number at any time while you are on a date with my daughter. If you do not answer within two rings, just remember three things --
*I know people in the CIA.
*They owe me some favors.
*No one would miss you.

Where are you going? What time does the movie end? And where will you be for the hour between the end of the movie and curfew? Just going to 'hang out'? That's what I thought. Why don't you just come hang out here. No, that was not a request. It was an order.

If I catch you giving marijuana or any other illicit substance to my daughter, I will make you pay a steep price. I will tell your mother, the cops, and the DEA, although I will not tell them where the body is hidden. You are not an adult, she is not an adult, and neither of you have the right to use any of those substances, regardless of the politics behind the drug war or any South American oppression.

Before you skip the movie and go 'parking', think about the shot gun, machete, and shovel I keep handy, just for little situations like these.
If I can hear your car stereo before I see your car, just keep driving. It will leave me more ammunition for the next dumbass.
No, I am not nuts. I am a Marine.
Posted by jfielek at August 20, 2004 10:54 AM

 

[Semper Fi]