The perfect relationship.

[naomibee]

I dont think I could marry someone without living with them first. I am too old and set in my ways. I need to see if I can tolerate him for long periods of time before I marry the guy.

I tried that a few times. the problem with that is they will fall out of love with you before you get married.

 

[Diana1180]

Then it wasnt meant to be. Better to find out first..than after. Trust me, I have been married once (many years ago). I would do it again, but I am going to make damn sure I am not getting divorced again lol.

 

[DGS49]

...is that there is no "secret" to a good marriage.

Consider that in cultures where arranged marriages prevail, most of them last a lifetime, and their participants are at least as "happy" as those who marry for "love."

I have been married since August, 1973 - I would say, "happily." My siblings have been married since 1960, 1966, and 1968, respectively. My brother Dan, now deceased, was divorced and remarried (badly).

Most of my high school chums (including females) are still married to their first spouses (spice?).

The secret? Take marriage seriously. Choose a spouse who takes marriage seriously. Choose someone that you like and treat them as though you "love" them at all times. The emotional component comes and goes, but it will always come back if your nurture it.

There are at least three parties in every marriage: The husband, the wife, and the marriage. Be prepared to willingly make sacrifices for your spouse and for the marriage, and remember to do something occasionally for yourself. If you don't you will eventually be bitter and unhappy.

Too many people have the sophomoric idea that if you "truly love" someone, then your heart and loins will be burning with desire for them - and no one else - for the rest of your lives. When the burning desire starts to go out (often before the wedding itself) they become convinced that they have made a mistake by "settling" and not waiting for their "soul mate."

The culture feeds into this nonsense. You will only get out of a relationship what you put into it.

But I have to include a caveat: I can say all this partly because my wife and I have taken care of ourselves physically, and we are still sexually active and happy with that aspect of our marriage. If she were 250 pounds I really don't know if I'd feel the same way. It's shallow, I know, but there it is.

 

[syrenn]

I dont think I could marry someone without living with them first. I am too old and set in my ways. I need to see if I can tolerate him for long periods of time before I marry the guy.

I tried that a few times. the problem with that is they will fall out of love with you before you get married.

so it is better to not marry them in the first place of you cant last living together for a long period of time..

its easier to break up then get a divorce.

 

[Wolfsister77]

I think living together first can be a very good idea depending on the situation. I lived with the man I was with a couple years before I met my husband and it was after moving in together that things got pretty ugly. So I went the same route with my husband. We lived together for 5 years before we got married. Marrying him was the best decision I ever made in my life. It is one way to find out for sure if it is the right person for you. First marriage for us both and we've been married over 8 years and together for over 15.

 

[Diana1180]

...is that there is no "secret" to a good marriage.

Consider that in cultures where arranged marriages prevail, most of them last a lifetime, and their participants are at least as "happy" as those who marry for "love."

I have been married since August, 1973 - I would say, "happily." My siblings have been married since 1960, 1966, and 1968, respectively. My brother Dan, now deceased, was divorced and remarried (badly).

Most of my high school chums (including females) are still married to their first spouses (spice?).

The secret? Take marriage seriously. Choose a spouse who takes marriage seriously. Choose someone that you like and treat them as though you "love" them at all times. The emotional component comes and goes, but it will always come back if your nurture it.

There are at least three parties in every marriage: The husband, the wife, and the marriage. Be prepared to willingly make sacrifices for your spouse and for the marriage, and remember to do something occasionally for yourself. If you don't you will eventually be bitter and unhappy.

Too many people have the sophomoric idea that if you "truly love" someone, then your heart and loins will be burning with desire for them - and no one else - for the rest of your lives. When the burning desire starts to go out (often before the wedding itself) they become convinced that they have made a mistake by "settling" and not waiting for their "soul mate."

The culture feeds into this nonsense. You will only get out of a relationship what you put into it.

But I have to include a caveat: I can say all this partly because my wife and I have taken care of ourselves physically, and we are still sexually active and happy with that aspect of our marriage. If she were 250 pounds I really don't know if I'd feel the same way. It's shallow, I know, but there it is.

Very well said...I wish more men thought like you. (as i am sure the men wish more woman thought like this)

 

[BDBoop]

Feedback? I think it's a recipe for disaster, myself.

Marriage Isn't For You | Seth Adam Smith

 

[daveman]

There was a sermon based on the Five Love Languages one day at church about 14 years ago. It really clarified my marriage for me.

They are:
Words of affirmation
Quality time
Gifts
Acts of service
Physical touch

My wife feels loved when I perform acts of service for her. I feel loved when she touches me.

Know what makes you feel loved, find someone who can give you that, and make sure you can provide what your partner needs.

 

[Ava]

I believe all relationships have different "seasons" to them and each is important. Marriage is like a garden which is probably why God is referred to in the bible as the husbandman. The gardner. Whereas the relationship between Jesus and the church is described as a marriage and we are described as the "bride of Christ ".. ( believers ) I find there are parallels.. As to the husbandman or gardner..

As a tree produces fruit he will prune it back to produce even more fruit. We sometimes mistake certain seasons of our life as dead zones. This is not true. Even a tree in winter which appears dead is alive inside and taking in sunlight, photosynthesis is going on -I cannot explain these things as it is beyond my realm of understanding - but there is life within the tree whereas it may appear to be as dead as a truly dead tree which has no life it it! ( winter, summer, spring or fall - the latter tree must be cut down & removed - it is dead )


With that said, I believe our vows are made to God in heaven. No matter how difficult a matter may appear at the moment in ones marriage, no matter what obstacle, what challenge, through Christ we can do all things including loving someone when they are perhaps not acting in such a lovely way, we can deny ourselves and be there when our partner is not well, undergoing some physical sickness, whatever it may be and still remain steadfast in our love and devotion to them.

I remember some time ago a certain person calling me to announce their family had agreed with them in their decision to divorce their husband. I said, why are you divorcing him? She replied, "I'm not happy". My reply was, Whose happy? If we gauge our life by moments of happiness rather than by the joy of Christ which is a deeper level of what is real and genuine we will find ourselves making poor decisions. The truth is there will be moments .....even seasons ....when all married people will go through difficulties but the truth is "this too shall pass"..

So with that I would say that I am happy for both of you that you have found yourselves blessed in your marriages I cannot believe either of you would have nothing to say about how it came to be. You see, you both must have done good things towards your wives to be enjoying the rewards of that today. What good things might you have done? You must have forgiven them when they failed to meet your expectation. You must have nurtured the relationship with spending quality time with them, thinking often of them, speaking to others about them and your love for them, sharing their photograph with pride, look at my wife, isn't she lovely, remembering their birthdays, your anniversary, complimenting them on their appearance, their cooking, the way they raised your children,kept your home, was there for you in both good times and bad....... surely even now you are praising them in your own particular way and so that in itself is one key to having a happy marriage. Without even knowing it you have given clues to what gives longevity and life to a marriage, you see. It is love. An abiding love....

It really isn't such a mystery after all. Is it? - Jeri

Alright ...here's my advice. Marry your best friend. The trick is finding one thats the right sex.

The problem with marrying someone who is your best friend, is the sexual component of the relationship usually becomes boring.

I have found that in addition to having great chemistry, with another, the following personality traits apply and help sustain a marriage until or if, it goes off track.

^^ IN general, emotional and physical opposites attract and intellectually speaking, like attracts like.

Also, it has been my experience that there is nothing as good as living alone and seeing someone you care for on an infrequent basis. That builds desire, anticipation and leads to wonderful intimacy.

If you haven't a good relationship with yourself, you will never have a good relationship with a loved one, that is based upon romantic unity. So first, do what it takes to make you love yourself.....

 

[Ava]

...is that there is no "secret" to a good marriage.

Consider that in cultures where arranged marriages prevail, most of them last a lifetime, and their participants are at least as "happy" as those who marry for "love."

I have been married since August, 1973 - I would say, "happily." My siblings have been married since 1960, 1966, and 1968, respectively. My brother Dan, now deceased, was divorced and remarried (badly).

Most of my high school chums (including females) are still married to their first spouses (spice?).

The secret? Take marriage seriously. Choose a spouse who takes marriage seriously. Choose someone that you like and treat them as though you "love" them at all times. The emotional component comes and goes, but it will always come back if your nurture it.

There are at least three parties in every marriage: The husband, the wife, and the marriage. Be prepared to willingly make sacrifices for your spouse and for the marriage, and remember to do something occasionally for yourself. If you don't you will eventually be bitter and unhappy.

Too many people have the sophomoric idea that if you "truly love" someone, then your heart and loins will be burning with desire for them - and no one else - for the rest of your lives. When the burning desire starts to go out (often before the wedding itself) they become convinced that they have made a mistake by "settling" and not waiting for their "soul mate."

The culture feeds into this nonsense. You will only get out of a relationship what you put into it.

But I have to include a caveat: I can say all this partly because my wife and I have taken care of ourselves physically, and we are still sexually active and happy with that aspect of our marriage. If she were 250 pounds I really don't know if I'd feel the same way. It's shallow, I know, but there it is.

Becoming too overweight, would be a deal breaker, for me, too. I want to be turned on when I look at my man, and I want him to be turned on when he looks at me. I don't want him to look at me and think of his grandma. ( perhaps ) Just another reason I would never let my hair get gray. I read somewhere that the last thing a man wants is to look over his newspaper, in the mornings, while having coffee with his wife, and see his mother.... I'll never forget that I will never be gray, nor was my mom, who stayed blonde and blue until she orphaned me. What a grand, dignified, hot beauty, she was. She watched her weight and figure and dazzled all the people in any room she entered because of her beauty, class, and taste in fashion. She kept her man, happy, too.

Love you, Mom....

 

[Lumpy 1]

...is that there is no "secret" to a good marriage.

Consider that in cultures where arranged marriages prevail, most of them last a lifetime, and their participants are at least as "happy" as those who marry for "love."

I have been married since August, 1973 - I would say, "happily." My siblings have been married since 1960, 1966, and 1968, respectively. My brother Dan, now deceased, was divorced and remarried (badly).

Most of my high school chums (including females) are still married to their first spouses (spice?).

The secret? Take marriage seriously. Choose a spouse who takes marriage seriously. Choose someone that you like and treat them as though you "love" them at all times. The emotional component comes and goes, but it will always come back if your nurture it.

There are at least three parties in every marriage: The husband, the wife, and the marriage. Be prepared to willingly make sacrifices for your spouse and for the marriage, and remember to do something occasionally for yourself. If you don't you will eventually be bitter and unhappy.

Too many people have the sophomoric idea that if you "truly love" someone, then your heart and loins will be burning with desire for them - and no one else - for the rest of your lives. When the burning desire starts to go out (often before the wedding itself) they become convinced that they have made a mistake by "settling" and not waiting for their "soul mate."

The culture feeds into this nonsense. You will only get out of a relationship what you put into it.

But I have to include a caveat: I can say all this partly because my wife and I have taken care of ourselves physically, and we are still sexually active and happy with that aspect of our marriage. If she were 250 pounds I really don't know if I'd feel the same way. It's shallow, I know, but there it is.

Becoming too overweight, would be a deal breaker, for me, too. I want to be turned on when I look at my man, and I want him to be turned on when he looks at me. I don't want him to look at me and think of his grandma. ( perhaps ) Just another reason I would never let my hair get gray. I read somewhere that the last thing a man wants is to look over his newspaper, in the mornings, while having coffee with his wife, and see his mother.... I'll never forget that I will never be gray, nor was my mom, who stayed blonde and blue until she orphaned me. What a grand, dignified, hot beauty, she was. She watched her weight and figure and dazzled all the people in any room she entered because of her beauty, class, and taste in fashion. She kept her man, happy, too.

Love you, Mom....

..

 

[PredFan]

On their 50th wedding anniversary and during the dinner celebrating it, Byron was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration.

'Tell us Byron, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?'

Byron responds, 'Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, meekness, self-restraint, forgiveness and a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed single.'

In all seriousness. I am jealous of those that have found their "perfect" mate.

Someday.....

You might have something there. My wife and I having come from bad marriages, have already been taught most of those things and now we employ them in this relationship.

Although I would not be appreciated if asked for my secret and I told them to marry someone who will beat you down first so that you can build yourself back up with someone else.

 

[PredFan]

...is that there is no "secret" to a good marriage.

Consider that in cultures where arranged marriages prevail, most of them last a lifetime, and their participants are at least as "happy" as those who marry for "love."

I have been married since August, 1973 - I would say, "happily." My siblings have been married since 1960, 1966, and 1968, respectively. My brother Dan, now deceased, was divorced and remarried (badly).

Most of my high school chums (including females) are still married to their first spouses (spice?).

The secret? Take marriage seriously. Choose a spouse who takes marriage seriously. Choose someone that you like and treat them as though you "love" them at all times. The emotional component comes and goes, but it will always come back if your nurture it.

There are at least three parties in every marriage: The husband, the wife, and the marriage. Be prepared to willingly make sacrifices for your spouse and for the marriage, and remember to do something occasionally for yourself. If you don't you will eventually be bitter and unhappy.

Too many people have the sophomoric idea that if you "truly love" someone, then your heart and loins will be burning with desire for them - and no one else - for the rest of your lives. When the burning desire starts to go out (often before the wedding itself) they become convinced that they have made a mistake by "settling" and not waiting for their "soul mate."

The culture feeds into this nonsense. You will only get out of a relationship what you put into it.

But I have to include a caveat: I can say all this partly because my wife and I have taken care of ourselves physically, and we are still sexually active and happy with that aspect of our marriage. If she were 250 pounds I really don't know if I'd feel the same way. It's shallow, I know, but there it is.

But the thing is that it shouldn't be work. My wife and I don't work at our marriage. It comes natural. I eat, sleep, breathe, and love my wife. I do the right things because i want to. She does the same. I'm not knocking those who do work on their marriage, but the point is that I'm asked for my secret and i don't know how to tell people to get this kind of relationship.

 

[PredFan]

I think living together first can be a very good idea depending on the situation. I lived with the man I was with a couple years before I met my husband and it was after moving in together that things got pretty ugly. So I went the same route with my husband. We lived together for 5 years before we got married. Marrying him was the best decision I ever made in my life. It is one way to find out for sure if it is the right person for you. First marriage for us both and we've been married over 8 years and together for over 15.

I have been told that the statistics don't show that living together first makes any significant difference in the divorce rate.

 

[PredFan]

There was a sermon based on the Five Love Languages one day at church about 14 years ago. It really clarified my marriage for me.

They are:
Words of affirmation
Quality time
Gifts
Acts of service
Physical touch

My wife feels loved when I perform acts of service for her. I feel loved when she touches me.

Know what makes you feel loved, find someone who can give you that, and make sure you can provide what your partner needs.

My wife is a "Gifter", and I'm a "physical touch".

 

[daveman]

There was a sermon based on the Five Love Languages one day at church about 14 years ago. It really clarified my marriage for me.

They are:
Words of affirmation
Quality time
Gifts
Acts of service
Physical touch

My wife feels loved when I perform acts of service for her. I feel loved when she touches me.

Know what makes you feel loved, find someone who can give you that, and make sure you can provide what your partner needs.

My wife is a "Gifter", and I'm a "physical touch".

Good deal.

Until I realized me serving her makes her feel loved, I was pretty resentful of doing stuff for her. Now, when I make her a pitcher of iced tea, I know she hears an "I love you, baby girl" every time.

 

[Lumpy 1]

I'm not so sure there is such a thing as a perfect relationship but I'm lucky enough to have a very close call.

Trust, respect and understanding top my list at the moment..

 

[Kooshdakhaa]

Many people who know me, know that I have a perfect relationship. My wife and I have been married for 6 years now and it's like we are still on our honeymoon.

I have been asked for relationship advice many times but I really have none to give. I don't know how anyone goes about finding their ideal mate. I found nine by sheer luck. This is my 3rd marriage so it's clear that I don't have a "system" that I can impart to people. I feel for anyone who is looking for someone, or is in a bad relationship.

Working as I do, in a female dominated occupation, there is a lot of relationship talk going on every day. There are some who seem to be in a good marriage and there are those who make their relationship work by effort, and still others who live in a totally dysfunctional marriage.

In less than a year, one of my daughters is getting married. I don't really have any advice to give. I almost feel like saying "all you can do is cross your fingers".

Why is it so difficult and why aren't more marriages like mine?

It's easy to think you have a perfect relationship only six years in. lol Give it some time.

 

[DGS49]

Note to AquaAthena: sex counseling works, and can restore the excitement to a sex life that has become boring. A good sex therapist can get both parties to speak openly about what they want and don't want, and what turns them on, and that experience alone can re-light the fire.

 

[Mertex]

My husband and I have been married a long time....we've had our share of storms, too. But, we've always known that we loved each other and that our life is much better together than each one of us going our own way. We didn't live together before we married, but we dated for about 2 yrs....we enjoy each other's company and I can't imagine life without him.