Swalwell Insists He Didn't Assault Any Of Those Chinese Spies He Slept With

[Votto]

Swalwell Insists He Didn't Assault Any Of Those Chinese Spies He Slept With​

Politics·Apr 11, 2026 · BabylonBee.com

SACRAMENTO, CA — After being accused of multiple counts of sexual assault, Representative Eric Swalwell issued a fierce denial today, insisting that he never assaulted any of the Chinese spies he slept with.

Swalwell, who is currently campaigning for Governor of California, has described all of his relationships with Chinese intelligence agents as "totally consensual."

"You can ask anyone in the Chinese intelligence community," said Swalwell. "They will all tell you that I never assaulted one single spy that I slept with. I am deeply hurt and and angered by these malicious accusations. My time serving our nation on the Congressional Intelligence Committee was marked by nothing but loving, consensual relationships with Chinese spies. That is final."

Several members of the Democratic Party have called on Swalwell to drop out of the Governor's race, but he has thus far refused. "I will not budge. I treated Ling Wong and Fang Fang with nothing but respect," said Swalwell. "We slept together and I gave them access to whatever files they asked for. That's it. Everything was one-hundred-percent voluntary and mutually agreed upon."

At publishing time, Swalwell had asked Governor Newsom if there was any rule he was aware of about serial adulterers not becoming governor.

 

[Votto]

The insane part here is, he would probably still be a better governor than Newsom.

 

[egp320i]

Swalwell Insists He Didn't Assault Any Of Those Chinese Spies He Slept With​

Politics·Apr 11, 2026 · BabylonBee.com

View attachment 1244193

SACRAMENTO, CA — After being accused of multiple counts of sexual assault, Representative Eric Swalwell issued a fierce denial today, insisting that he never assaulted any of the Chinese spies he slept with.

Swalwell, who is currently campaigning for Governor of California, has described all of his relationships with Chinese intelligence agents as "totally consensual."

"You can ask anyone in the Chinese intelligence community," said Swalwell. "They will all tell you that I never assaulted one single spy that I slept with. I am deeply hurt and and angered by these malicious accusations. My time serving our nation on the Congressional Intelligence Committee was marked by nothing but loving, consensual relationships with Chinese spies. That is final."

Several members of the Democratic Party have called on Swalwell to drop out of the Governor's race, but he has thus far refused. "I will not budge. I treated Ling Wong and Fang Fang with nothing but respect," said Swalwell. "We slept together and I gave them access to whatever files they asked for. That's it. Everything was one-hundred-percent voluntary and mutually agreed upon."

At publishing time, Swalwell had asked Governor Newsom if there was any rule he was aware of about serial adulterers not becoming governor.

apparently he thinks he is a stud and can fondle and grope women

well now he's out of congress, good he's a liberal douche

 

[MarathonMike]

The insane part here is, he would probably still be a better governor than Newsom.

Maybe he will be a better prisoner than he was a Congressman.