I like your determination that slavery "wasn't so bad." What personal experience is this based on?
Well, ya see, I owned me one of them thar big old cotton plantation back in, ohhhh…, 1860 it was, I reckon. I called it Mi Casa Cottone’”. I dun did get filthy rich, ya see. I would take all my clothes off and have the lil slave chilluns pour the cash over me like it were water!! Oh, how I loved to frolic in my cash money!
But I wuz good to my slaves, I was! Every Wednesday night I would invite them into my parlor for hor d’oeuvres and karaoke. And on Saturday night I would give every single male slave an oil rub down and deep tissue massage! I loved my slaves, and they loved me!!
In fact, when them thar slaves were made free men, mine wouldn’t leave! They pleaded and pleaded to stay on at my plantation. I said, “Now, now, everone, ya’ll gots to git up and git. That damned old Abe Lincoln said so.” Finally, that dirty snatch cracker, Lincoln, sent the thugs to my plantation and kidnapped my slaves. Then they dumped them off on the roadside somewhere betwixt here and Atlanta.
A hundred good slaves perished cuz of that damned old yankee sumbitch, Lincoln. I been taking care of them slaves since they been birthed. When they left the plantation they didn’t have nobody to take care of them any more. They was like lil chilluns. Most of them starved to death out in the woods. A good many of them lynched themselves out of pure grief of being made to leave my plantation, where all their needs we met. Abe Lincoln had blood on his hands, he did!!
So ya’ll take that thar soy boy horse shit and shove it up yer slave holes! I knowd what it were like, I do, cuz I was thar, dagnabbit!