Someone Insults Your Wife in Public - What Do You Do?

[California Girl]

I'll tell you how I DID handle it two weeks ago when this very thing happened to my wife and myself while we were dining at a SoupPlantation.

My wife, myself and our adult son were sitting there, eating dinner. This guy came up to our table and began hurling insults at all three of us. We had been looking disapprovingly at his nearby table, where he and his wife were encouraging their infant child to shriek loudly, disturbing everyone in the restaurant. He took offense that we disapproved of this conduct.

Anyway, he started in, calling me, my son and my wife, all sorts of really filthy names. Obviously, this guy had issues.

I thought about hitting him, but decided against it. As a criminal defense attorney, I know all too well that mere words, no matter how insulting, are not a legal justification for physical violence in response to those words. So I went to get the manager.

Unfortunately, the manager was this rather small, shy and very polite female, who tried to get this guy to shut up, but failed miserably. He took one look at her, ignored her, and continued with his tirade for two or three more minutes, until he finally sputtered himself out and allowed her to guide him back to his table.

A most disturbing evening, to say the least. I think the incident was handled badly by the manager and am in touch with Soupplantation upper management on that point. I think the manager should have kicked the jerk out on the spot and told him never to return.

But I know I did the right thing not to hit him. I was able to drive my wife home and try to calm her down - she was (of course) very upset by what had happened. I would not have been much use to her if she had had to drive herself home while I was being booked at the local jail.

It was suggested by a friend that I should have decked him and then told the police that I thought he was starting to swing on me. First, that would have been a lie, and the incident was witnessed by several dozen people. Secondly, I am 72 years old and never have been a fighter. Maybe instead of jail, I might have wound up in the hospital. This guy was in his 50's, very solidly built, with tattoos totally covering both arms and a crazed look in his eye. As I said, he clearly had issues.

Holy shit, you're 72?!?!

I thought he was much older too.

Me too! How embarrassed are we now?

 

[Quantum Windbag]

What would you do if some guy called your wife an extremely filthy and insulting name in a public place?

Simple question. Not so simple answer.

(I am posting this in the Law Forum, because I am mainly - but not entirely - concerned with a discussion of the legal consequences that might arise from such a situation.)

Pull put a gun and make sure he never uses that word again?

Do I get a prize for the right answer?

seriously, it would depend. when I was younger I might have tried to beat the crap out of him, now it would be easier to sit on him until the police showed up with a crane to get me off.

 

[ABikerSailor]

Use some of the language that is used on here to get people riled up, and when he loses control and swings, break their kneecap with a front sweep and then continue to pound until you feel vindicated.

Have you and your boyfriend been badmouthed asswipe? What would you break a kneecap with? A ******* Q-tip?

Sweep kick with your shin, going from the outside of the knee on the side of the leg, towards the inside of the leg. With not much force, you can cause the knee to bend the wrong way, thus breaking it.

No, I've never been badmouthed much except from ignorant retards such as yourself. Keep it up, it makes you just that much more charming.

 

[George Costanza]

I'll tell you how I DID handle it two weeks ago when this very thing happened to my wife and myself while we were dining at a SoupPlantation.

My wife, myself and our adult son were sitting there, eating dinner. This guy came up to our table and began hurling insults at all three of us. We had been looking disapprovingly at his nearby table, where he and his wife were encouraging their infant child to shriek loudly, disturbing everyone in the restaurant. He took offense that we disapproved of this conduct.

Anyway, he started in, calling me, my son and my wife, all sorts of really filthy names. Obviously, this guy had issues.

I thought about hitting him, but decided against it. As a criminal defense attorney, I know all too well that mere words, no matter how insulting, are not a legal justification for physical violence in response to those words. So I went to get the manager.

Unfortunately, the manager was this rather small, shy and very polite female, who tried to get this guy to shut up, but failed miserably. He took one look at her, ignored her, and continued with his tirade for two or three more minutes, until he finally sputtered himself out and allowed her to guide him back to his table.

A most disturbing evening, to say the least. I think the incident was handled badly by the manager and am in touch with Soupplantation upper management on that point. I think the manager should have kicked the jerk out on the spot and told him never to return.

But I know I did the right thing not to hit him. I was able to drive my wife home and try to calm her down - she was (of course) very upset by what had happened. I would not have been much use to her if she had had to drive herself home while I was being booked at the local jail.

It was suggested by a friend that I should have decked him and then told the police that I thought he was starting to swing on me. First, that would have been a lie, and the incident was witnessed by several dozen people. Secondly, I am 72 years old and never have been a fighter. Maybe instead of jail, I might have wound up in the hospital. This guy was in his 50's, very solidly built, with tattoos totally covering both arms and a crazed look in his eye. As I said, he clearly had issues.

Holy shit, you're 72?!?!

I thought he was much older too.

Very funny.

 

[George Costanza]

Holy shit, you're 72?!?!

I thought he was much older too.

Me too! How embarrassed are we now?

See - how do you feel now, insulting an old man eusa_drool for all this time? You ought to be ashamed of yourself!

 

[whitehall]

Smack him and walk away. If he comes after you claim self defense when you do serious damage.

 

[George Costanza]

Smack him and walk away. If he comes after you claim self defense when you do serious damage.

That was suggested by a friend of mine. When you think about it, it probably would have worked because any cop who came to investigate, when he heard what had preceded it, would probably be willing to accept that it was mutual combat rather than me throwing the first punch.

But still - I am past the period in my life when I would have been engaging in brawls in public places. Perhaps when I was younger. Perhaps not even then. I never was a violent person - except when making mad, passionate love. Check with Syrenn on that one . . .

 

[Ernie S.]

Me? I'd probably say something like "hey asshole, what the ****'s your problem, you want to shout at someone, pick me".

I'd then goad him into a fight, and when he swung first, all legal problems are solved, because now kicking their ass is just self defense.

And, you can't get in trouble for foul language, as they were the ones to start it first.

Pre-emptive strikes are a bad idea in public.

This is not a bad option and, if this thing were to happen again tonight, I might be tempted. But, again, I would probably have wound up on the wrong side of that one.

I know this - if this had happened when I was younger, I can't say that I would have refrained from popping the guy.

At your age and with your wife's condition, you acted responsibly.
You have 10 years on me, but I would like to think that I would act the same. I probably wouldn't, but I would like to think anyway.

 

[Ernie S.]

I thought he was much older too.

Me too! How embarrassed are we now?

See - how do you feel now, insulting an old man eusa_drool for all this time? You ought to be ashamed of yourself!

I'm not embarrassed, or tired.

 

[Si modo]

Ya turn around and walk the other way... plain and simple.

If I were to stick around, it would get really ugly, really fast.

That's the way to handle it.

 

[Si modo]

I'll tell you how I DID handle it two weeks ago when this very thing happened to my wife and myself while we were dining at a SoupPlantation.

My wife, myself and our adult son were sitting there, eating dinner. This guy came up to our table and began hurling insults at all three of us. We had been looking disapprovingly at his nearby table, where he and his wife were encouraging their infant child to shriek loudly, disturbing everyone in the restaurant. He took offense that we disapproved of this conduct.

Anyway, he started in, calling me, my son and my wife, all sorts of really filthy names. Obviously, this guy had issues.

I thought about hitting him, but decided against it. As a criminal defense attorney, I know all too well that mere words, no matter how insulting, are not a legal justification for physical violence in response to those words. So I went to get the manager.

Unfortunately, the manager was this rather small, shy and very polite female, who tried to get this guy to shut up, but failed miserably. He took one look at her, ignored her, and continued with his tirade for two or three more minutes, until he finally sputtered himself out and allowed her to guide him back to his table.

A most disturbing evening, to say the least. I think the incident was handled badly by the manager and am in touch with Soupplantation upper management on that point. I think the manager should have kicked the jerk out on the spot and told him never to return.

But I know I did the right thing not to hit him. I was able to drive my wife home and try to calm her down - she was (of course) very upset by what had happened. I would not have been much use to her if she had had to drive herself home while I was being booked at the local jail.

It was suggested by a friend that I should have decked him and then told the police that I thought he was starting to swing on me. First, that would have been a lie, and the incident was witnessed by several dozen people. Secondly, I am 72 years old and never have been a fighter. Maybe instead of jail, I might have wound up in the hospital. This guy was in his 50's, very solidly built, with tattoos totally covering both arms and a crazed look in his eye. As I said, he clearly had issues.

Holy shit, you're 72?!?!

I thought he was much older too.

(I thought he was much younger.)

 

[George Costanza]

What would you do if some guy called your wife an extremely filthy and insulting name in a public place?

Simple question. Not so simple answer.

(I am posting this in the Law Forum, because I am mainly - but not entirely - concerned with a discussion of the legal consequences that might arise from such a situation.)

What would provoke someone to do this?

OK - I went a little light on this in the OP. Here is what preceded the outburst:

We filled our trays up and were seated at a table about 15 feet or so away from his table. He was in there with two women and an infant child, about a year old, in an infant chair.

As we were entering the seating area prior to being seated, we could hear this child. You know that loud, piercing SHRIEK that only a child of that age can make? The kind that goes through your head like a bolt of lightning? That's what this kid was doing.

As I said, they seated us pretty close to all this. The kid let out one of those shrieks about every three minutes or so. Then we noticed that not only were these people not taking any steps to shut the child up, they were actually encouraging him to do it, lauging among themselves whenever he came out with this annoying sound, chucking him under the chin, etc.

Furthermore, these people had long since finished dinner. They were just occupying a table, fooling with the infant and taking up space. And the damn noise continued, and continued, and continued. The thing that got this guy up out of his chair and storming over to our table was, simply, two or three disapproving glances in their direction, indicating we were not pleased with the noise level of the kid and the way in which they were doing nothing to put a stop to it. That's it. No one at our table ever SAID anything to them. All we did was shoot a couple of admittedly dirty looks at them - no, not even dirty looks; more annoyed looks.

Did I mention that this guy had tattoos covering his entire arms, from his wrists up to the end of his short sleeved shirt? For all I know, they continued on and covered the rest of his body. He was obviously unbalanced. His initial remark to me was the time-worn: "Hey! You got a PROBLEM???" I said yes, I do and pointed out to him that you could hear the child all over the restaurant. "So WHAT?" I said, It's annoying."

That's when he started in. Let's see - I was a "cock-sucking asshole" and my wife was a "******* *****." This tirade went on for about 5 minutes. The manager was unsuccessful in getting him to shut up. But I have already gone into all that.

Anyway - that's how it all got started. I am reminded of how many times I have said to my wife in recent years, "You know, you can't even look cross-eyed at someone these days without having it turn into a major incident."

Looks like I was right.

 

[George Costanza]

Holy shit, you're 72?!?!

I thought he was much older too.

(I thought he was much younger.)

Thank you. We'll just ignore these other churls . . . .

 

[California Girl]

I thought he was much older too.

Me too! How embarrassed are we now?

See - how do you feel now, insulting an old man eusa_drool for all this time? You ought to be ashamed of yourself!

Sorry Grandpa.

 

[California Girl]

I thought he was much older too.

(I thought he was much younger.)

Thank you. We'll just ignore these other churls . . . .

Ignore me at your peril, Gramps.

 

[Si modo]

I thought he was much older too.

(I thought he was much younger.)

Thank you. We'll just ignore these other churls . . . .

You did the right thing, George. I know it had to have been hard to do, but the right thing often is.

 

[westwall]

What would you do if some guy called your wife an extremely filthy and insulting name in a public place?

Simple question. Not so simple answer.

(I am posting this in the Law Forum, because I am mainly - but not entirely - concerned with a discussion of the legal consequences that might arise from such a situation.)

Laugh at him, then ask if he had taken his meds. On the other hand if he tries to lay a hand on her he's toast.

 

[violet]

HMMM well I don't want hubby in a fight because of his back but that doesn't mean I can't get in one. I'd probably flip him off and cuss him out. If he gets persistant after that I get in his face but not touch him. He touches me he's got a fight.

 

[manifold]

Borrow a line from Reservoir Dogs...

"Are you gonna bark all day little doggie, or are you gonna bite?"

At that point he either takes a swing, which means you can kick his ass and call it self defense. Or he tucks his tale between his legs and walks away.

 

[mudwhistle]

What would you do if some guy called your wife an extremely filthy and insulting name in a public place?

Simple question. Not so simple answer.

(I am posting this in the Law Forum, because I am mainly - but not entirely - concerned with a discussion of the legal consequences that might arise from such a situation.)

I'd say "You're confusing her with your Mom". "When'd she get out?"