There are some things that many heterosexual men seem not to understand:
- If you dislike, disdain, vilify, mock, declare your superiority to, and annoy, such as so many men seem to do to women, you will not be liked. This behavior certainly will not inspire women to grab your hand and haul you off to the bedroom.
- Like men, and I'm sad to say this but it is true for all humans, there is a physical factor at play with women, as well. It's not fair. It never was. It's cruel to people on whom Mother Nature did not smile. But it is real. The physical factor affects both sexes. Neither sex queues up for dates with people who lack what society considers "attractive." Conversely, people notice physically attractive people without having a clue as to what these people are like. I guess it's just down to some visual thing or, if you're in the same room, pheromones. I remember seeing a young male actor on TV, shirtless, acting a role so that he was not exhibiting his actual personality. He made me drop my fork. Wow. Just wow. We don't know how this operates. I can't explain it and nobody else can, either.
- Don't be fooled by some guy declaring that somebody is a "man's man." A "man's man" is attractive to men. So this must be great for gay guys. Most women aren't turned on by some guy in a camouflage outfit covered in tattoos, guns, and ammunition bandoleers, spewing filthy language, trash-talking females, and spraying bullets. The story of Rudolph Valentino (1895 - 1926), "The Sheik," is instructional. Newspapers mocked him for wearing a wristwatch. This was a "bracelet" and "real men" had pocket watches. When Valentino died suddenly in New York at the age of 31, there was mass hysteria on the streets of NYC, packed with weeping women. He was a "Ladies Man," NOT a "man's man."
People just have to sit down and figure out whether they are heterosexual or have some other orientation. If you're heterosexual, work to appeal to your audience. Putting your efforts into alienating it is not a good idea.
Brilliant post. Well written and full of good advice. I would add just one thing.
If you show no interest in a woman, other than a sexual interest, she’s not going to have any interest in you. Sexual attraction, for most women, starts between the ears not between the legs. Shared interests, good manners, respect and a great sense of humour, are very sexy.
My daughter’s husband said it best: Sex is so much better when you care about the person you’re *******. There’s just no comparison.
And thank you! You are so right! Sexual attraction, at least that of any value, starts between the ears. This is why analyzing such attraction is like, to borrow a phrase, trying to nail jello to a wall. I've said many times that I like to judge a man based on whether I'd want to have breakfast with him in the morning, not on how pretty he is or how good in bed. Anyone can be good for an hour's roll in the hay. I think that this is why I've only felt attracted to guys (talking celebrities here, of course) who were/are writers, songwriters, musicians, actors. They were people who did not come across as arrogant and egocentric and they offered something that made me want to sit down with them, but a bottle of something between us, and have long conversations, ask them what inspired them and what they see in the world that they draw from, and how they came up with what they came up with.
Fortunately or unfortunately, I've spent a lot of my life around D.C., otherwise known as "Hollywood for the Ugly." So many of the guys around here, particularly the politicians, are boring, insincere suits who don't know when to STFU. This current crop is extremely bad, always prattling about politics, religion, and other nonsense. They are Death By Boredom. It's a slow and agonizing death. I hope that they don't do this at home. I had to be in the courtroom when SCOTUS heard oral argument in
Falwell v. Flynt way back when. It truly was
Asshole v. Asshole. When not taking notes (my job), I spent the time laughing at Scalia's jokes, looking at Falwell and Flynt, and cursing the fact that I had left my barf bag at home.
I have one final thought for the gentlemen, until I think of another:
If you have a sense of humor, find it. If you don't have a sense of humor, go out and get one.
Thank you, Dragonlady. You are a Keeper.