Pope Francis bans Bible from the Vatican library

[Votto]

VATICAN - Pope Francis today banned the Bible from the Vatican library and from the library of every Catholic school in the world stating, "The Bible is a source of homophobic and Patriarchal oppression, and as such is offensive and must be banned." Several Cardinals and Biships began to object in the Vatican but were arrested by the Vatican guards and placed in solitary confinement. "It is my sad duty to also renew the Inquisitions", proclaimed Pope Frances, "Because the church must have unity. This means I have all the answers, not you, me. It's about me, not you, it's about me. We must be unified behind me because I am the Pope, numero uno, the one and only. Notice that there are not two Popes, just me!"

The Pope also declared to revive the Crusades. "Lastly, I have also decided to revive the Crusades and send my army to my home state of Argentina to save it from the MAGA crowd headed by Javier Milei to liberate it from oppression. Democracy within my home country can now only be saved once my opponents are all burned at the stake."

It is unclear whether Pope Fancis also will revive the Jewish ghettos begun in 1516.

​

 

[1srelluc]

He looks like Rudy Giuliani.

You people keep fucking with him and he will release the Kraken on ya.

 

[mudwhistle]

View attachment 866460

VATICAN - Pope Francis today banned the Bible from the Vatican library and from the library of every Catholic school in the world stating, "The Bible is a source of homophobic and Patriarchal oppression, and as such is offensive and must be banned." Several Cardinals and Biships began to object in the Vatican but were arrested by the Vatican guards and placed in solitary confinement. "It is my sad duty to also renew the Inquisitions", proclaimed Pope Frances, "Because the church must have unity. This means I have all the answers, not you, me. It's about me, not you, it's about me. We must be unified behind me because I am the Pope, numero uno, the one and only. Notice that there are not two Popes, just me!"

The Pope also declared to revive the Crusades. "Lastly, I have also decided to revive the Crusades and send my army to my home state of Argentina to save it from the MAGA crowd headed by Javier Milei to liberate it from oppression. Democracy within my home country can now only be saved once my opponents are all burned at the stake."

It is unclear whether Pope Fancis also will revive the Jewish ghettos begun in 1516.

​

Do you have a reference for all of this?

 

[Votto]

Do you have a reference for all of this?

It is sad that you would think this might be a real story.

It is in the satire section after all.

 

[Pete7469]

He looks like Rudy Giuliani.

You people keep fucking with him and he will release the Kraken on ya.

Seems like he is the Krackhead to me.

 

[Votto]

He looks like Rudy Giuliani.

You people keep fucking with him and he will release the Kraken on ya.

The Pope is right. The church needs to move towards inclusiveness and diversity, which is why all conservative voices within the church must be destroyed and crushed into a fine powder.

Leftist know that for their to be unity, well................you gotta kinda have to force it on everyone.

 

[Pete7469]

It is sad that you would think this might be a real story.

It is in the satire section after all.

That's the problem!! Its actually a plausible story!!

 

[mudwhistle]

It is sad that you would think this might be a real story.

It is in the satire section after all.

Wow. How clever.

Well done.

 

[TNHarley]

Someone actually labeled a satire piece "fake news"

 

[1srelluc]

Someone actually labeled a satire piece "fake news"

It was blaster.

 

[TNHarley]

It was blaster.

Not surprising

 

[Pete7469]

Someone actually labeled a satire piece "fake news"

And it wasn't even a reactionary bed wetter.

 

[Blackrook]

Does it count as satire if it isn't funny?