Mr. P
VIP Member
If this didnt seem as though its VERY possibly in the near future Id have posted in Humor, but its really not funny.
OPERATOR: Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your national ID
number?
CUSTOMER: Hi, I'd like to place an order.
OPERATOR: I must have your NIDN first, sir.
CUSTOMER: My National ID Number, yaeh, hold on, eh, it's
6102049998-45-54610.
OPERATOR: Thank you Mr. Sheehan. I see you live at 1742 Meadowland
Drive, and the phone number is 494-2366. Your office number over at
Lincoln Insurance is 745-2302 and your cell number is 266-2566. Email
address is [email protected]. Which number are you calling from sir?
CUSTOMER: Huh? I'm at home. Where'd you get all this information?
OPERATOR: We're wired into the HSS, sir.
CUSTOMER: The HSS, what is that?
OPERATOR: We're wired to the Homeland Security System, sir. This will
add only 15 seconds to your ordering time.
CUSTOMER: (sighs) Oh well, I'd like to order a couple of your All-Meat
Special pizzas.
OPERATOR: I don't think that's a good idea, sir.
CUSTOMER: Whaddya mean?
OPERATOR: Sir, our medical records and commode sensors indicate that
you've got very high blood pressure and extrememly high cholesterol.
Your National Health Care provider won't allow such an unhealthy choice.
CUSTOMER: What?!?!?! What do you recommend, then?
OPERATOR: You might try our low-fat Soybean Pizza. I'm sure you'll
like it.
CUSTOMER: What makes you think I'd like something like that?
OPERATOR: Well, you checked out 'Gourmet Soybean Recipes' from your
local library last week, sir. That's why I made the suggestion.
CUSTOMER: All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then.
OPERATOR: That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids.
Your 2 dogs can finish the crusts, sir. Your total is $49.99.
CUSTOMER: Lemme give you my credit card number.
OPERATOR: I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to pay in cash.
Your credit card balance is over its limit.
CUSTOMER: I'll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver
gets here.
OPERATOR: That won't work either, sir. Your checking account is
overdrawn also.
CUSTOMER: Never mind! Just send the pizzas. I'll have the cash ready.
How long will it take?
OPERATOR: We're running a little behind, sir. It'll be about 45
minutes, sir. If you're in a hurry you might want to pick'up up while
you're out getting the cash, but then, carrying pizzas on a motorcycle
can be a little awkward.
CUSTOMER: Wait! How do you know I ride a scooter?
OPERATOR: It says here you're in arrears on your car payments, so your
car got repo'ed. But your Harley's paid for and you just filled the
tank yesterday.
CUSTOMER: Well, I'll be #%#^^&$^@#
OPERATOR: I'd advise watching your language, sir. You've already got a
July 4, 2003, conviction for cussing out a cop and another one I see
here in September for contempt at your hearing for cussing at a judge.
Oh yes, I see here that you just got out from a 90 day stay in the State
Correctional Facility. Is this your first pizza since your return to
society?
CUSTOMER: (speechless)
OPERATOR: Will there be anything else, sir?
CUSTOMER: Yes, I have a coupon for a free 2 liter of Coke.
OPERATOR: I'm sorry sir, but our ad's exclusionary clause prevents us
from offering free soda to diabetics. The New Constitution prohibits
this. Thank you for calling Pizza Hut.
OPERATOR: Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your national ID
number?
CUSTOMER: Hi, I'd like to place an order.
OPERATOR: I must have your NIDN first, sir.
CUSTOMER: My National ID Number, yaeh, hold on, eh, it's
6102049998-45-54610.
OPERATOR: Thank you Mr. Sheehan. I see you live at 1742 Meadowland
Drive, and the phone number is 494-2366. Your office number over at
Lincoln Insurance is 745-2302 and your cell number is 266-2566. Email
address is [email protected]. Which number are you calling from sir?
CUSTOMER: Huh? I'm at home. Where'd you get all this information?
OPERATOR: We're wired into the HSS, sir.
CUSTOMER: The HSS, what is that?
OPERATOR: We're wired to the Homeland Security System, sir. This will
add only 15 seconds to your ordering time.
CUSTOMER: (sighs) Oh well, I'd like to order a couple of your All-Meat
Special pizzas.
OPERATOR: I don't think that's a good idea, sir.
CUSTOMER: Whaddya mean?
OPERATOR: Sir, our medical records and commode sensors indicate that
you've got very high blood pressure and extrememly high cholesterol.
Your National Health Care provider won't allow such an unhealthy choice.
CUSTOMER: What?!?!?! What do you recommend, then?
OPERATOR: You might try our low-fat Soybean Pizza. I'm sure you'll
like it.
CUSTOMER: What makes you think I'd like something like that?
OPERATOR: Well, you checked out 'Gourmet Soybean Recipes' from your
local library last week, sir. That's why I made the suggestion.
CUSTOMER: All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then.
OPERATOR: That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids.
Your 2 dogs can finish the crusts, sir. Your total is $49.99.
CUSTOMER: Lemme give you my credit card number.
OPERATOR: I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to pay in cash.
Your credit card balance is over its limit.
CUSTOMER: I'll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver
gets here.
OPERATOR: That won't work either, sir. Your checking account is
overdrawn also.
CUSTOMER: Never mind! Just send the pizzas. I'll have the cash ready.
How long will it take?
OPERATOR: We're running a little behind, sir. It'll be about 45
minutes, sir. If you're in a hurry you might want to pick'up up while
you're out getting the cash, but then, carrying pizzas on a motorcycle
can be a little awkward.
CUSTOMER: Wait! How do you know I ride a scooter?
OPERATOR: It says here you're in arrears on your car payments, so your
car got repo'ed. But your Harley's paid for and you just filled the
tank yesterday.
CUSTOMER: Well, I'll be #%#^^&$^@#
OPERATOR: I'd advise watching your language, sir. You've already got a
July 4, 2003, conviction for cussing out a cop and another one I see
here in September for contempt at your hearing for cussing at a judge.
Oh yes, I see here that you just got out from a 90 day stay in the State
Correctional Facility. Is this your first pizza since your return to
society?
CUSTOMER: (speechless)
OPERATOR: Will there be anything else, sir?
CUSTOMER: Yes, I have a coupon for a free 2 liter of Coke.
OPERATOR: I'm sorry sir, but our ad's exclusionary clause prevents us
from offering free soda to diabetics. The New Constitution prohibits
this. Thank you for calling Pizza Hut.
