Learning In Spite Of Oneself

[Annie]

Yeah spidey, I know, another c & p, it was the only one to be found, honestly. You know how constricting the internet is:

http://www.family.org/cforum/fnif/commentary/a0039192.cfm

January 13, 2006

What I Learned from Democrats at the Alito Hearings
by Bruce Hausknecht, judicial analyst

A more-or-less lighthearted lexicon of the language used by the Senate Judiciary Committee.

I have to admit that I learned a lot about the Senate confirmation process and the role of judges in our society by listening to the combined wisdom of the eight Democrats on the Judiciary Committee this past week. It's not right that I keep this newfound knowledge to myself, so I hereby share it with you in hopes that you, too, can evolve along with our Constitution.

• Congress – also called Mt. Olympus – all statutes proceeding from on high shall be treated as oracles. Always right, except in Terri Schiavo case.

• President – threat to Mt. Olympus – must be stopped unless party affiliation begins with "D".

• Judges – the only people who really understand the good that liberals are trying to accomplish.

• Commerce clause – that thingy in the Constitution that says states need Congress to tell them what to do.

• "Little guy" – someone constitutionally entitled to win all lawsuits, but only if a registered Democrat.

• Corporations - evil entities whose sole purpose is to abuse the "little guy."

• "Roe v. Wade is well-settled" – oath taken only by qualified nominees.

• Ethics problem – what you have after national ethics experts say you don't.

• "Well qualified" – conclusion the ABA mistakenly reaches after interviewing the wrong 4,000 people.

• "Sexist" and "racist" – what you are if someone else writes disgusting things in a magazine you've never seen.

• Roe v. Wade – the Prime Directive.

• "Living Constitution" – can be changed at whim of judges, except where it conflicts with the Prime Directive.

• "Stare decisis" – Latin for "Prime Directive," as in following stare decisis, or respect for stare decisis.

• Fifteen years of experience and over 350 written opinions – unimportant except as a good place for cherry-picking cases where "little guy" lost.

• Making nominee's wife cry – staged Republican stunt.

• Hard questioning – asking same question over and over and insinuating that witness is lying. See "making nominee's wife cry."

• "Strip search" – interfering with drug dealers' ability to earn a living.

• Seven esteemed federal judges who've known nominee for 15 – 30 years ready to answer any questions – an excuse to leave the hearing room and grab a latte'.

• Concerned Alumni of Princeton – a mantra that must be repeated hourly during hearings, meant to induce coma.

• Vanguard – see Concerned Alumni of Princeton.

• Recusal – a type of dead horse which must be beaten and re-beaten.

• Reagan era – the dark ages.

• Robert Bork – Darth Vader.

• Sandra Day O'Connor – a deity.

• Balance on the court – something all Americans desire during Republican administrations.

• Federalist Society – a subversive group.

• Unitary executive – a dangerous notion that the President is the head of the executive branch of government.

• Mainstream – anyone on Ted Kennedy's speed dial.

So, there you have it. I'll be much more conditioned, er, prepared for the next confirmation hearing.

Now repeat after me: "will roll back civil rights," "out of the mainstream," "turn back the clock" . . .