It is my personal belief that you do not need the structures, rules, creeds, dogmas, and traditions of organized religions and established churches in order to have a relationship with Jesus. You do not need to speak through another sinner in order to have His ear. Jesus loves us all, and through our faith in Him we are whole. My only advice for the OP is that you already have a relationship with Jesus. He's listening right now you just have to speak to Him. Don't worry so much about the opinions of others or the structures they tell you you need to live by. If you have Jesus in your heart then you have real love in your heart, If you have your faith in Him then He has you in His heart. That's a wonderful thing to know in my opinion. His assurances through your faith in Him are worth more than any assurances from anybody here on Earth.