Have you been Married?... Divorced?... What's your History?

[xotoxi]

She (and her mother) told everyone who'd listen that I was faking my pregnancy. I ended up having an abruption and going in for an emergency section. As they were prepping me for the surgery, she burst into the labor room (how she got in there, I'll never know) as the doc was telling me the baby was in danger and even with the c-section she may not make it. This mother in law from hell interrupted the doc and demanded that she be allowed to watch the surgery, because I was not really pregnant and she was finally going to have proof of that. Then she said, "and while you're in there, tie her goddamned tubes!"

Holy crap!

I'm really sorry...but that woman is so insane that I am currently biting my lip to prevent from laughing.

WOW!

 

[Emma]

She (and her mother) told everyone who'd listen that I was faking my pregnancy. I ended up having an abruption and going in for an emergency section. As they were prepping me for the surgery, she burst into the labor room (how she got in there, I'll never know) as the doc was telling me the baby was in danger and even with the c-section she may not make it. This mother in law from hell interrupted the doc and demanded that she be allowed to watch the surgery, because I was not really pregnant and she was finally going to have proof of that. Then she said, "and while you're in there, tie her goddamned tubes!"

Holy crap!

I'm really sorry...but that woman is so insane that I am currently biting my lip to prevent from laughing.

WOW!

Yeah, it wasn't funny at the time but now... holy crap is right

 

[xotoxi]

BTW, anyone else conflicted on why I don't want my ex (or anyone in his family) to have contact with my daughter or her son?

No.

But you mentioned that you didn't intentionally try to bad-mouth him to your daughter....have you spoken about specifics with her since she has become an adult?

It sounds like she is on the same page with you and doesn't want to see him...but what if she had a change of heart and wanted to see him and introduce him to his grandson? Would you try to stop her?

 

[Emma]

BTW, anyone else conflicted on why I don't want my ex (or anyone in his family) to have contact with my daughter or her son?

No.

But you mentioned that you didn't intentionally try to bad-mouth him to your daughter....have you spoken about specifics with her since she has become an adult?

It sounds like she is on the same page with you and doesn't want to see him...but what if she had a change of heart and wanted to see him and introduce him to his grandson? Would you try to stop her?

Yes.

I wasn't clear, sorry.

Since she's become an adult I've told her that he was physically and emotionally abusive, and of his threat to kill me and "get" her. When I said I didn't get specific, I meant I didn't detail every blow or word he said, but she knows enough. I can guarantee she won't have a change of heart, but if hell were to freeze over one day and she decided to do so, I would try everything within my power to convince her otherwise, even if that meant providing those details that right now I can't bring myself to tell her.

 

[Emma]

BTW, anyone else conflicted on why I don't want my ex (or anyone in his family) to have contact with my daughter or her son?

None at all. I fully understand.


I allowed my children to make their own choices when they were old enough to do so. He could only have supervised visits at first even though the children were teens by then. They did not know him. Although I had taken them every year to see his mother and his grandparents at least once per year he had never taken the time to see them.

My daughter decided she was moving out at 14 and going to live with her "real dad". I had grounded her for a month (to think now she is much tougher on her children than I was when it comes to punishments for bad behavior). She told me, "well no need to keep me grounded since I'm leaving anyhow". Told her no your still grounded while your under my roof. A week and a half later she was living in Chino, California. His newest wife spent thousands of dollars on her new clothes, her own tv, stereo and her new bedroom. Daughter thought that was all great. Until three weeks later when she called me crying. He had threw her out literally into the streets. I had my secretary call and cancel all my appointments and drove to California to pick her up.

God.

I'm sorry, hun.

 

[Modbert]

Never married . Considering this thread so far, seems smart to stay that way for a long time.

 

[Emma]

Never married . Considering this thread so far, seems smart to stay that way for a long time.

I owe you a rep

 

[xsited1]

Have you been Married?... Divorced?... What's your History?

Yes, married for over 2 decades. My wife is just the nicest, kindest person on the planet. If there are angels on the Earth, she is one of them.

 

[Cecilie1200]

Have you been Married?... Divorced?... What's your History?

Yes, married for over 2 decades. My wife is just the nicest, kindest person on the planet. If there are angels on the Earth, she is one of them.

I have to say, it's interesting to match the people on this thread and their stories up with their attitudes on various issues having to do with relationships. I'm not saying, "That explains everything!", because I believe people are a lot more complex than that, but it does make you think.

 

[JD_2B]

BTW, anyone else conflicted on why I don't want my ex (or anyone in his family) to have contact with my daughter or her son?

Hell no!! I did the same thing with my son's dad- Insisted he have only supervised visitation.

What you did was very brave, and smart, and you should be extremely proud of yourself for making the right decision. You deserve better..


;-)

 

[Emma]

BTW, anyone else conflicted on why I don't want my ex (or anyone in his family) to have contact with my daughter or her son?

Hell no!! I did the same thing with my son's dad- Insisted he have only supervised visitation.

What you did was very brave, and smart, and you should be extremely proud of yourself for making the right decision. You deserve better..


;-)

Thank you so much. I don't think I was brave or particularly smart at the time; it wasn't a conscious decision to leave him (like I said, I believed I would be going back).

However... some years back, I read Gavin de Becker's book The Gift of Fear. In it, he talks about fear as a motivator; not the fight or flight response necessarily, but a primal survival instinct that can take over and lead us out of danger by providing a course of action that our conscious minds might not even consider. When I read that, it really hit me that perhaps that's what I'd done all those years ago. I listened to my fear, and even without realizing that's what I did, in the end it saved me and my kids.

I would recommend that book to anyone, but especially to women.

 

[AllieBaba]

My kids haven't seen their dad since he broke my foot and smashed my face 3...4? years ago.

I have no regrets. The way I see it, he has nothing to offer them at this point, and poses a serious safety threat for them. I tell them when they're 18, have their own wheels, a cell phone, and a safe way out, they can visit him if they so choose.

They won't. Why would they? The bastard's a piece of shit. He broke my face and my foot and blacked my 3 y.o. daugher's eye in the meantime..not intentionally, just carelessly, but who gives a shit? He's had 4 DUIs, and I think there were kids in the car for every one. 3 for sure. Never my kids, the fuck, I'd kill him first. As he knows. Which is why he doesn't follow me or seek contact, except sobbingly and vicariously through people who know me. He continues to attempt to suck up to my grown son, the one who almost beat him to death (after he knocked me down when I was 8 mos pregnant and told me, stupidly, outside my son's bedroom door, "I'm taking care of you then I'm kicking HIS ass").

I had an R.O. for 2 years against him with NO contact with the kids which is almost unheard of, and he hasn't seen the kids since. My attorney almost refused to ask for no contact with the kids. He said "they'll laugh me out of the court if I ask for that" and I told him in no uncertain terms, "Let me ask then, I have no problem with it." As it turns out, I did ask for zero contact, and I got it. In spades. Along with a felony conviction, reduced to misdemeanor after 2 years of serious restitution & assorted classes and jail time on his part.

I moved many miles away to reduce the chance of any contact. For the sake of my kids I left home and set up house elsewhere. If he really wanted contact, he knows how to reach me, but he's unwilling to act like a human, and so he doesn't get the contact. I'm certainly not seeking him out to offer up my kids as sacrificial lambs for his ego. They're doing great. And I tell them, you're dad's a fun, great guy. He's just dangerous and when you're old enough to deal with that you can go spend time with him. But not on my watch.

Rant over.

 

[Emma]

Good for you.

 

[mal]

My kids haven't seen their dad since he broke my foot and smashed my face 3...4? years ago.

I have no regrets. The way I see it, he has nothing to offer them at this point, and poses a serious safety threat for them. I tell them when they're 18, have their own wheels, a cell phone, and a safe way out, they can visit him if they so choose.

They won't. Why would they? The bastard's a piece of shit. He broke my face and my foot and blacked my 3 y.o. daugher's eye in the meantime..not intentionally, just carelessly, but who gives a shit? He's had 4 DUIs, and I think there were kids in the car for every one. 3 for sure. Never my kids, the fuck, I'd kill him first. As he knows. Which is why he doesn't follow me or seek contact, except sobbingly and vicariously through people who know me. He continues to attempt to suck up to my grown son, the one who almost beat him to death (after he knocked me down when I was 8 mos pregnant and told me, stupidly, outside my son's bedroom door, "I'm taking care of you then I'm kicking HIS ass").

I had an R.O. for 2 years against him with NO contact with the kids which is almost unheard of, and he hasn't seen the kids since. My attorney almost refused to ask for no contact with the kids. He said "they'll laugh me out of the court if I ask for that" and I told him in no uncertain terms, "Let me ask then, I have no problem with it." As it turns out, I did ask for zero contact, and I got it. In spades. Along with a felony conviction, reduced to misdemeanor after 2 years of serious restitution & assorted classes and jail time on his part.

I moved many miles away to reduce the chance of any contact. For the sake of my kids I left home and set up house elsewhere. If he really wanted contact, he knows how to reach me, but he's unwilling to act like a human, and so he doesn't get the contact. I'm certainly not seeking him out to offer up my kids as sacrificial lambs for his ego. They're doing great. And I tell them, you're dad's a fun, great guy. He's just dangerous and when you're old enough to deal with that you can go spend time with him. But not on my watch.

Rant over.

Wow... I am Sorry to hear that happened to you...

I am also Surprised that you are a Female... These Damned Screen Names don't Lend ANY Support to one's Gender at all!



peace...

 

[editec]

Married my HS sweetheart while in the NAV.

Divorced while I was driving back for California after being separated from the NAV.

17 years later I remarried and spend 25 years with my, now, x-wife.

Not much in touch with the first wife, but still very close to my X.

All my horror stories about loves lost and loves betrayed were with women I was wise enough not to marry (or actually, they were probably wise enough not to marry me at the time since I was such a selfish whore, back then).

When it comes to women, I have been a very lucky man, indeed.

Very few women I was ever involved with were aything less than honorable people who treated me far better than I probably had any right to expect.

 

[Cecilie1200]

I'll tell you what confuses me. My daughter, Sarah. She grew up with me and my husband and my mom and dad, both happily married couples whose men treat their wives with courtesy and respect and whose women are strong-willed and independent. What does she do? Run through a string of guys who treat THEIR women like bitches and "hos", like in rap songs. Guess that goes to show how strong peer pressure can be.

 

[JD_2B]

I'll tell you what confuses me. My daughter, Sarah. She grew up with me and my husband and my mom and dad, both happily married couples whose men treat their wives with courtesy and respect and whose women are strong-willed and independent. What does she do? Run through a string of guys who treat THEIR women like bitches and "hos", like in rap songs. Guess that goes to show how strong peer pressure can be.

May I offer some unsolicited advice?

You should talk to her about rape and abuse. I doubt that she is in these types of relationships because she feels she is not worth it- but maybe it is a bizarre way she uses of avoiding being hurt again.. I have a feeling about this. I don't know her at all, but this is just a trend I have been seeing (even in myself)..

I know a lot of women who have been raped or abused- and a good majority of them ended up in strange relationship situations for a long time, before realizing that they needed to open themselves up to the prospect of getting their heart broken (for real- I mean- by someone who at one time appreciated them).. and ended up getting it all sorted out in the end, finding love, and equality, respect, etc..

I am not saying your daughter was definitely raped or abused or any of that- per se- but it might help her if someone who loved her talked to her about that stuff, and how some women who get hurt tend to shut themselves off emotionally..

I also want to commend you on speaking up about your daughter's relationship troubles, in relation to her upbringing. It does help to shine some light on the possibility that she experienced some kind of trauma that she may be afraid of bringing up to you, or anyone else, for fear that she will be judged negatively, etc..

This is a fantastic thread.. I think it is really important for people to have a place to go, to be able to let skeletons out of the closets.. And just because you may have had to grieve a loss, doesnt make a decision to make your life safer and better any less important or valid.

Im raising my glass to you all.. sometimes the greatest shows of strength are in showing our vulnerabilities, and the obstacles we have overcome to be survivors, and to give our children a chance at a healthy and fulfilling life.. Cheers.. =)

 

[masquerade]

Next week we'll be celebrating 21 years of marraige.
I'm as happy today, as the day we met.

Awwwwwwwww.

 

[Cecilie1200]

I'll tell you what confuses me. My daughter, Sarah. She grew up with me and my husband and my mom and dad, both happily married couples whose men treat their wives with courtesy and respect and whose women are strong-willed and independent. What does she do? Run through a string of guys who treat THEIR women like bitches and "hos", like in rap songs. Guess that goes to show how strong peer pressure can be.

May I offer some unsolicited advice?

You should talk to her about rape and abuse. I doubt that she is in these types of relationships because she feels she is not worth it- but maybe it is a bizarre way she uses of avoiding being hurt again.. I have a feeling about this. I don't know her at all, but this is just a trend I have been seeing (even in myself)..

I know a lot of women who have been raped or abused- and a good majority of them ended up in strange relationship situations for a long time, before realizing that they needed to open themselves up to the prospect of getting their heart broken (for real- I mean- by someone who at one time appreciated them).. and ended up getting it all sorted out in the end, finding love, and equality, respect, etc..

I am not saying your daughter was definitely raped or abused or any of that- per se- but it might help her if someone who loved her talked to her about that stuff, and how some women who get hurt tend to shut themselves off emotionally..

I also want to commend you on speaking up about your daughter's relationship troubles, in relation to her upbringing. It does help to shine some light on the possibility that she experienced some kind of trauma that she may be afraid of bringing up to you, or anyone else, for fear that she will be judged negatively, etc..

This is a fantastic thread.. I think it is really important for people to have a place to go, to be able to let skeletons out of the closets.. And just because you may have had to grieve a loss, doesnt make a decision to make your life safer and better any less important or valid.

Im raising my glass to you all.. sometimes the greatest shows of strength are in showing our vulnerabilities, and the obstacles we have overcome to be survivors, and to give our children a chance at a healthy and fulfilling life.. Cheers.. =)

Well, see, that's the reason she runs through them so quickly: because she IS my daughter, and she really has no ability for being treated like a bitch or a "ho". That's why I say "peer pressure" rather than thinking abuse or trauma. All her friends behave that way and like those kinds of guys, so she tries to be like them. And then the guys try to knock her around or treat her with disrespect, and my genes come to the fore and she gives them a thorough ass-kicking, and then she needs a new boyfriend.

 

[mal]

Next week we'll be celebrating 21 years of marraige.
I'm as happy today, as the day we met.

Awwwwwwwww.

peace...