Have you been Married?... Divorced?... What's your History?

[mal]

It seem that there are some Strong Opinions on Cheating on another Thread and how a Marriage should Deal with it, and it got me Thinking about some who those Opinions.

Have you ever been Married?...

Divorced?...

Never Married?...

Married to one Person and Never Divorced?

I Ask because it would be Interesting to see what some have Done in Cases like the one Echo has Provided about her Friend.

If your Spouse Cheated...

If they did and how you Dealt with it.

Other Issues like Substance Abuse, Gambling, Physical Abuse.

Some People seem to Reactively say "Leave" when they hear someone has Cheated or has Substance Issues...

Others say that the Bond of Marriage should not be Broken over Human Flaw.

What say you?



peace...

 

[mal]

http://www.usmessageboard.com/the-flame-zone/91045-you-freaking-a-hole.html

^That Thread Inspired this one... For the Record.

Interesting Takes on the Issue in there.



peace...

 

[PixieStix]

No comment

 

[mal]

No comment

Respectable... I don't Expect Everyone to Answer this, but I am Interested in the History of those with such Strong Opinions about other People's Marriages.



peace...

 

[Dis]

Because whether or not someone has been married makes their OPINION less valid than the next persons? An opinion is an opinion, and in MINE, you don't give half a rats ass about Echo's thread - you simply want to take the attention away from there, and draw it to yourself because you're feeling left out.

 

[mal]

Because whether or not someone has been married makes their OPINION less valid than the next persons? An opinion is an opinion, and in MINE, you don't give half a rats ass about Echo's thread - you simply want to take the attention away from there, and draw it to yourself because you're feeling left out.

I took Part in that Thread, EARLY, and was not going to ReDirect it to the Marriage Status of those in there...

If you don't want to Take part in this, I didn't Ask you to, Dis.

This Thread is Admittedly Inspired by Discussions in that one.

And I don't Think someone's Status Validates or Invalidates thier Opinion, but it's Informative to Know where someone is Coming from, especially when they are VERY Angered by an Issue that doesn't Affect them Directly.



peace...

 

[mal]

Because whether or not someone has been married makes their OPINION less valid than the next persons? An opinion is an opinion, and in MINE, you don't give half a rats ass about Echo's thread - you simply want to take the attention away from there, and draw it to yourself because you're feeling left out.

Yet you took Part in the Poll... Hope you Stay for some Discussion.



peace...

 

[mal]

For the Record my Mom and Dad were Married and Divorced to each other (3) times...

I don't Judge People who have Divorced, and that is NOT what this Thread is about.



peace...

 

[Dis]

9 posts, and 6 of them are you bumping your own thread.. Nope - not trying to draw the attention away from someone else at all.

 

[PixieStix]

Are you 2 married

 

[mal]

Are you 2 married

peace...

 

[mal]

9 posts, and 6 of them are you bumping your own thread.. Nope - not trying to draw the attention away from someone else at all.

I'm gonna Ask Nicely, Dis... Please don't Derail this and have it Sent to the Flame...

This Thread is not Taking ANYTHING from Echo's, they are not even in the same Forum...

I just wanted to Credit the Thread that Inspired this one, as Opposed to being Blamed for Stealing from it, which Probably would have been the other Take.



peace...

 

[Annie]

I don't have strong or any opinions on other's marriages, seems to me that's between them.

As for me, I married a very intelligent, sexy geek. He made and makes lots of dollars, he's doing even better in this economy. I have three young adults, whom I love very much. We were finally divorced when my youngest was 9. It took 4 years.

Looking back, shouldn't have married him, but ah hindsight. He is a total narcissist and it caused much psycho pain for myself and the kids. He managed in 10 minutes of testimony to be ordered to undergo a psych evaluation, in the 2nd year of the divorce, which he was fighting. Funny thing, he was already 'engaged' to his now wife, while fighting the divorce and saying in open court, "Why should I have to pay for kids that aren't doing me any good?" Yep, the later was why a psych evaluation was ordered, along with a halt to his visitation.

Because of his problems, the divorce dragged on, with some amusing stories, but much more heartache for the kids than should have been allowed. As for me, my best day was when my youngest turned 18 and I no longer had to discuss anything with him. I was lucky that I had sole custody and supportive family and friends. Also excellent psychiatrist for the kids, which eventually helped to pull all of us through.

I can speak to him now, a few sentences. We got through graduations and I'm certain we'll have a wedding or two in the next few years. Funny thing, his wife has repeatedly tried to 'talk to me.' That's not happening. She even tried to 'confide' in my daughter that she thinks I might help her, regarding problems with her kids-now 5 & 8. That too is not happening. I never blamed her, it was my ex's cheating that ultimately led to the divorce, which I didn't know at the time. For me, it was the problems he had with the kids, so I've a guess that's her problem now too.

 

[mal]

I don't have strong or any opinions on other's marriages, seems to me that's between them.

As for me, I married a very intelligent, sexy geek. He made and makes lots of dollars, he's doing even better in this economy. I have three young adults, whom I love very much. We were finally divorced when my youngest was 9. It took 4 years.

Looking back, shouldn't have married him, but ah hindsight. He is a total narcissist and it caused much psycho pain for myself and the kids. He managed in 10 minutes of testimony to be ordered to undergo a psych evaluation, in the 2nd year of the divorce, which he was fighting. Funny thing, he was already 'engaged' to his now wife, while fighting the divorce and saying in open court, "Why should I have to pay for kids that aren't doing me any good?" Yep, the later was why a psych evaluation was ordered, along with a halt to his visitation.

Because of his problems, the divorce dragged on, with some amusing stories, but much more heartache for the kids than should have been allowed. As for me, my best day was when my youngest turned 18 and I no longer had to discuss anything with him. I was lucky that I had sole custody and supportive family and friends. Also excellent psychiatrist for the kids, which eventually helped to pull all of us through.

I can speak to him now, a few sentences. We got through graduations and I'm certain we'll have a wedding or two in the next few years. Funny thing, his wife has repeatedly tried to 'talk to me.' That's not happening. She even tried to 'confide' in my daughter that she thinks I might help her, regarding problems with her kids-now 5 & 8. That too is not happening. I never blamed her, it was my ex's cheating that ultimately led to the divorce, which I didn't know at the time. For me, it was the problems he had with the kids, so I've a guess that's her problem now too.

Damn... 4 Years. That couldn't have been Easy on anyone. Most I've heard of are about 6mos, but Colorado is pretty Cut and Dried on the Issue.

So how long was the Marriage... "Youngest was 9" leads me to beleive it was about 15 Years?...

When did you Start Realizing it would be the Conclusion that it was?



peace...

 

[Annie]

I don't have strong or any opinions on other's marriages, seems to me that's between them.

As for me, I married a very intelligent, sexy geek. He made and makes lots of dollars, he's doing even better in this economy. I have three young adults, whom I love very much. We were finally divorced when my youngest was 9. It took 4 years.

Looking back, shouldn't have married him, but ah hindsight. He is a total narcissist and it caused much psycho pain for myself and the kids. He managed in 10 minutes of testimony to be ordered to undergo a psych evaluation, in the 2nd year of the divorce, which he was fighting. Funny thing, he was already 'engaged' to his now wife, while fighting the divorce and saying in open court, "Why should I have to pay for kids that aren't doing me any good?" Yep, the later was why a psych evaluation was ordered, along with a halt to his visitation.

Because of his problems, the divorce dragged on, with some amusing stories, but much more heartache for the kids than should have been allowed. As for me, my best day was when my youngest turned 18 and I no longer had to discuss anything with him. I was lucky that I had sole custody and supportive family and friends. Also excellent psychiatrist for the kids, which eventually helped to pull all of us through.

I can speak to him now, a few sentences. We got through graduations and I'm certain we'll have a wedding or two in the next few years. Funny thing, his wife has repeatedly tried to 'talk to me.' That's not happening. She even tried to 'confide' in my daughter that she thinks I might help her, regarding problems with her kids-now 5 & 8. That too is not happening. I never blamed her, it was my ex's cheating that ultimately led to the divorce, which I didn't know at the time. For me, it was the problems he had with the kids, so I've a guess that's her problem now too.

Damn... 4 Years. That couldn't have been Easy on anyone. Most I've heard of are about 6mos, but Colorado is pretty Cut and Dried on the Issue.

So how long was the Marriage... "Youngest was 9" leads me to beleive it was about 15 Years?...

When did you Start Realizing it would be the Conclusion that it was?



peace...

Close, 14.5 years. 3 children in 4 years. Oh I knew there were problems from the time I got pregnant with the first. He went to a 'band job'-a hobby, while I was having contractions, his idea of 'consideration' was leaving me with my parents.

Call me stupid, but divorce just wasn't done in my family. Yeah, I had one cousin that divorced due to being married to an alcoholic, but she was a 'free spirit' with no kids and a Harvard Phd. I kept trying to make things work, but he was constantly berating me, then started on the children. Our oldest has learning disabilities, the middle child is extremely gifted, but was also extremely ADHD, and the third was 'gifted' and 'behavior disordered.' See where the psychiatrist came in? That was before the boys were exposed to inappropriate adult behaviors and started acting out on those.

One night he didn't come home. I told him if that happened again, he claimed to have been too tired to drive, that would be it. He said he knew he was 'having problems' and would resume seeing a shrink, when he came back from a 3 day business trip. Well he did, but didn't come home one night the next weekend, until 6am. The next morning he threw a set of car keys at the youngest, 5 at that time, I filed for divorce the following Monday.

 

[mal]

I don't have strong or any opinions on other's marriages, seems to me that's between them.

As for me, I married a very intelligent, sexy geek. He made and makes lots of dollars, he's doing even better in this economy. I have three young adults, whom I love very much. We were finally divorced when my youngest was 9. It took 4 years.

Looking back, shouldn't have married him, but ah hindsight. He is a total narcissist and it caused much psycho pain for myself and the kids. He managed in 10 minutes of testimony to be ordered to undergo a psych evaluation, in the 2nd year of the divorce, which he was fighting. Funny thing, he was already 'engaged' to his now wife, while fighting the divorce and saying in open court, "Why should I have to pay for kids that aren't doing me any good?" Yep, the later was why a psych evaluation was ordered, along with a halt to his visitation.

Because of his problems, the divorce dragged on, with some amusing stories, but much more heartache for the kids than should have been allowed. As for me, my best day was when my youngest turned 18 and I no longer had to discuss anything with him. I was lucky that I had sole custody and supportive family and friends. Also excellent psychiatrist for the kids, which eventually helped to pull all of us through.

I can speak to him now, a few sentences. We got through graduations and I'm certain we'll have a wedding or two in the next few years. Funny thing, his wife has repeatedly tried to 'talk to me.' That's not happening. She even tried to 'confide' in my daughter that she thinks I might help her, regarding problems with her kids-now 5 & 8. That too is not happening. I never blamed her, it was my ex's cheating that ultimately led to the divorce, which I didn't know at the time. For me, it was the problems he had with the kids, so I've a guess that's her problem now too.

Damn... 4 Years. That couldn't have been Easy on anyone. Most I've heard of are about 6mos, but Colorado is pretty Cut and Dried on the Issue.

So how long was the Marriage... "Youngest was 9" leads me to beleive it was about 15 Years?...

When did you Start Realizing it would be the Conclusion that it was?



peace...

Close, 14.5 years. 3 children in 4 years. Oh I knew there were problems from the time I got pregnant with the first. He went to a 'band job'-a hobby, while I was having contractions, his idea of 'consideration' was leaving me with my parents.

Call me stupid, but divorce just wasn't done in my family. Yeah, I had one cousin that divorced due to being married to an alcoholic, but she was a 'free spirit' with no kids and a Harvard Phd. I kept trying to make things work, but he was constantly berating me, then started on the children. Our oldest has learning disabilities, the middle child is extremely gifted, but was also extremely ADHD, and the third was 'gifted' and 'behavior disordered.' See where the psychiatrist came in? That was before the boys were exposed to inappropriate adult behaviors and started acting out on those.

One night he didn't come home. I told him if that happened again, he claimed to have been too tired to drive, that would be it. He said he knew he was 'having problems' and would resume seeing a shrink, when he came back from a 3 day business trip. Well he did, but didn't come home one night the next weekend, until 6am. The next morning he threw a set of car keys at the youngest, 5 at that time, I filed for divorce the following Monday.

Damn... It's Unfortunate that People can be so Selfish...

I can't Imagine not having been there in the Hospital with my Wife for both or our Children... And by Choice?...

My Wife almost Died with our First... She Decided she wanted Natural, and it went South... After about 26 Hours. Those from Hannity will Remember my Brother giving Updates on that back in 2005.

Before I Knew my Daughter, all I couldn't Think of was Losing my Wife and had no Idea what was going to be the Outcome... Lose her or the Baby?... Luckily for us the Options weren't on the Table.

Now that we have (2) Children, I can't Imagine Losing any of them, for anything... Including Divorce.

We plan on having (2) More... Our Son came in an Emergency Situation also, but not a Life Threatening one...

Both Times we were both at the Hospital for the Duration.

(5) Days with the First and (4) with the Second... With our Son, it was the First Time we were away from our Daughter for More than A Night in her (3) Years of Life.

I wouldn't Trade that Experience for ANYTHING.

How Men can Dismiss their Partner and the Child they Assisted in Bringing into this World is Beyond me.

My Sympathies that your Life Took that Turn, and that it Affected Children also.

What a Bastard he is.



peace...

 

[RodISHI]

Married at 15 divorced at eighteen with two babes. The first was a cheater from early on in the relationship. In my mind I was bound to stick with it as I believed what preachers pushed, the sin of divorce. I had also heard for years the old adage a woman cannot survive without a man, etc... The husband came home after being gone for days. I was 8 months pg with first child. He had a gal in the car and told me he was in love with her and her two year old son. I was pretty beat at that point both physically and mentally. I said whatever as he loaded his stuff into the car and then drove off. A few days later I was chopping wood out front and a neighbor started talking to me. The guy seemed really nice and he said he worked at Kaiser Steel. I told him my husband works there to. He asked where was my husband. It did not occur to me why he was asking. I told him husband had came and left a few days before. This neighbor guy would come check on me every few days. I did not have a car so I was this very pot bellied thing walking everywhere I needed to get. The neighbor did not think I should be walking that much so he offered taxi services whenever I needed to get somewhere. About a week and a half went by and husband showed back up acting like nothing had ever happened. It took me a long time to realize that neighbor and his buds probably had something to do with husband showing back up. Husband was actually really nice the whole time we lived there at that place. A lady I knew as a child was selling her house so we ended up getting it. Husband turned back into an absolute asshole not long after moving. I ended up pg once more. Won't fully detail what happen but did not carry child to term (hog tied and beaten). Heard the oh so sorry routine again and left asshole stay. I had always wanted to have a dozen children but it was not looking like life was going to happened this away. I got pg once more with son and shortly after took the last fist I was willing to take from asshole. He wanted me to sell house so I did. We moved. He'd quit his job and went to work as a car salesman. We went to a sales party. When we got home he was in a pissy mood he knock me out and I awoke with him pleading me to wake up. In my pained state I told him take his best shot now because it would be the last time he ever laid a hand on me. We moved again. One day I brought a dog home that was all chewed up and skinny. The dog was so beat looking he reminded me of me. I would carry laundry a half a mile to wash it. I got home from doing laundry to find son's face swelling. Mad. I flew into a rage asking what the hell happened. Dumbass could not answer. Son had been stung by a wasp and dumbass left him crying in his crib. I took son in arms and ran a 1/4 of a mile to get to mom's, did not even have a phone. That was the last straw. Husband had left and came back on a regular basis for the term of the marriage. The next time he said he was leaving he kicked the dog I'd brought home I told him don't let the door hit him in the ass and welcomed his goodbye. He was never allowed to come back, changed the locks, etc..... He moved in down the street with a gal that was twice his age and double in size. I'd laugh at his miseries. He and this gal came knocking on my door one night about midnight. I opened the back door and let the dog out. I ran to the front door to see husband and witch woman scrambling to get into her car with dog on his ass chomping it's jaws at husband's ass. I laughed to tears and a tummy ache for hours. I still laugh when I recall the sight of that dog chomping at his ass as he scrambled to get away.

My grandmother encouraged and pleaded with me to divorce the asshole a few months earlier verses try to stick out a bad marriage. Evidently she had been repeatedly raped throughout their marriage. My mom said as kids they could hear her screams at night as she was beaten and raped. Amazingly she was with him unto the end when it came to the point she had to go into a nursing home. She had Alzheimer's. Every few weeks the family would bring her home for a day. I was out there visiting during one of her day trips to mom's house. She asked me if I would walk with her to her old house down the road so I did. Grandpa followed along. Walking back she made me promise I would not leave her alone with him, so I promised her I would be right there with her. I can't imagine staying with someone that abuses you for a lifetime but many people have and do.

Five years after the divorce I met Rod. I was sure I would never ever give anyone ownership papers again. I had dozens of men that had asked me to marry them, it always scared me to even think of it. To me marriage was giving another person total control over your life, a vow for better or worse regardless how bad the worse was. When he started asking me if I would marry him I would cringe. We lived together for eight years before getting married and even then we did not have traditional vows. I recall a point one of his sisters got very mad at me when I told her no if he turns into an asshole I won't be staying with him. We've had our ups and downs, I do not think living here on earth two people will be perfectly synced too many variables. Even the best of relationships has it's up and downs. Then again Rod has never physically abused me. Although he has been an ass from time to time and will even openly admit it. He got drunk years ago and said some really nasty things. I told him I knew he did not mean it and left the house crying. The next day he felt really bad. I can't say I have always been sugary sweet either. I left him drunk in the tub once and told him if you drown yourself it will be your own fault. Those were some tough years. His dad was an alcoholic, it was a plaque on a few of his sisters also. Rod eventually overcame it. We've split up a few times but it never lasted. He slept on the couch for months at one point. I do know now that nothing in this world could ever separate us and I mean nothing.

 

[tigerbob]

I can't imagine my wife ever cheating on me. If she did, I'd be heartbroken but I'd try to forgive her. It might make it difficult for me to trust her completely in future.

 

[Big Black Dog]

I have been married twice. The first time I got married, I married my old high school sweetie. I was 22 at the time and she was 21. We were married for 13 years and had two children together. A boy and a girl. Looking back on it, I should have never ever of married her. I knew she was a "Mama's girl" when we got married but to just what extent, was a bit unclear. I found out in a hurry after we got married. Right from the start, her mother hated me and I could never do anything right in her eyes. Being in the Navy, I was gone fairly often on deployments which is probably the only reason we stayed together for 13 years. Her mother had her finger in just about every issue in our marriage and to put it mildly, was a major pain in the ass. The marriage finally ended in South Carolina when I came to find out about her affair with the next door neighbor that had been going on for about two years. Also an affair with her boss came into light and I found out by way of the grape vine that she was a frequent visitor to the enlisted men's club when I was on deployments and had quite a few "dates" as a result of that party life. It was when I came home early one day that I caught her with the neighbor and that put the nails in the coffin lid. It took a year to get the divorce and I moved on with my life. I was a "single" guy again for just over 6 years and it took a couple of those years to lick my wounds and get over the mess I had left behind. Then one day I decided to begin the search for a new wife and the first person who came to mind was the current Mrs. BBD who I had know almost from the start of my military career. We had kept in touch over the years as good friends normally do. Just friends - nothing more. Well, we connected and ended up getting married in 1992. We have been together happily ever since. Being married to her is completely different than the first marriage. We know each other like a book and get along very well. Too bad I didn't marry her first! I knew her before I married my first wife but just didn't ever think of dating her. What a mistake. Here was a rose right under my nose and I passed it by for so long. Today, married life is great and I don't see any problems on the horizon.

 

[AllieBaba]

The most amazing thing women who are abused learn is...you are not alone. There is no new story in the world, and when the abused learn it, it's an epiphany and brings control back into their lives.

God bless your granny and you too, Rodishi.

We're all assholes at some point. I certainly take my share of responsibility for the really crappy decisions I made when I was younger which lead to pain, heartache and poverty for myself and my kids (thank God I have a self-sufficient and very helpful family..I pray daily for women who don't have that support because as hard as it is when you have that support, it's almost impossible to survive without it), and it has become my middle aged goal never, ever to repeat them.