5stringJeff
Senior Member
From The Holy Observer, a Christian Onion-like website.
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God to Intercessors: Just Stop Saying "Just"
Linguistic grace no longer applicable to mutually exclusive prayer requests
For decades, God has lavished his followers with linguistic grace regarding what could be considered an epidemic in the prayer world the use of the word "just." Usually found in a pattern similar to "God, please just [insert petition] and just [insert another petition]," the word "just" has made answering prayers a confusing and tedious process for the Almighty. In response, God declared earlier this month that Christians everywhere may no longer use the word "just" during intercessory prayer, effective immediately.
In an AIM interview with The Holy Observer, an official from Heaven explained, "This has been a huge frustration for everyone up here. For ages our gracious Father has put up with the grouping of mutually exclusive prayer requests, on each occasion taking extra time trying to decipher what the intercessor probably wanted the most. You see, the prayer queue was getting quite backed up but it was usually manageable. That is, until last month when the queue was flooded with hundreds of millions of contradictory requests. They were like, 'Lord, just use this movie as an evangelistic tool,' 'God, just help us to grow spiritually as we watch this movie,' 'God, just let everyone understand that this movie is about Your love,' and the one God answered, 'Father, please just let this movie make box office history.'"
That debacle last month was apparently the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. It is reported that God, in His perfect frustration, echoed throughout Heaven yelling, "I can only JUST do one thing!" Thus, we have the aforementioned decree.
http://www.holyobserver.com/detail.php?isu=v01i10&art=just
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God to Intercessors: Just Stop Saying "Just"
Linguistic grace no longer applicable to mutually exclusive prayer requests
For decades, God has lavished his followers with linguistic grace regarding what could be considered an epidemic in the prayer world the use of the word "just." Usually found in a pattern similar to "God, please just [insert petition] and just [insert another petition]," the word "just" has made answering prayers a confusing and tedious process for the Almighty. In response, God declared earlier this month that Christians everywhere may no longer use the word "just" during intercessory prayer, effective immediately.
In an AIM interview with The Holy Observer, an official from Heaven explained, "This has been a huge frustration for everyone up here. For ages our gracious Father has put up with the grouping of mutually exclusive prayer requests, on each occasion taking extra time trying to decipher what the intercessor probably wanted the most. You see, the prayer queue was getting quite backed up but it was usually manageable. That is, until last month when the queue was flooded with hundreds of millions of contradictory requests. They were like, 'Lord, just use this movie as an evangelistic tool,' 'God, just help us to grow spiritually as we watch this movie,' 'God, just let everyone understand that this movie is about Your love,' and the one God answered, 'Father, please just let this movie make box office history.'"
That debacle last month was apparently the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. It is reported that God, in His perfect frustration, echoed throughout Heaven yelling, "I can only JUST do one thing!" Thus, we have the aforementioned decree.
http://www.holyobserver.com/detail.php?isu=v01i10&art=just
