Still not understanding what you are saying Bear. Lets just cut to the chase, shall we?
You want to die. But you also don't want God to punish you for offing yourself. Right?
Understand stand this put a shot gun to your head pull the trigger it will misfire..
My entire point is you will never die before god calls you home.
I keep on spreading the good word of mother Mary she is the key
Um. Ok. I just don't agree. And Mary was just a vessel..JESUS is the key, but...we shouldn't go there I guess.
So my next question is..why do you want to kill yourself or are trying to kill yourself then???
Mother Mary is the key do you comprehend how much alcohol I drank in my life ?
Do you comprehend people I know died 10 years ago ? I am outlived them all.
And did worse things in my life but I believe in mother Mary
Are you drunk now?
You will not kill yourself with a gun or pills or drive off a cliff. You are killing yourself with booze and maybe drugs. That way you can say you didn't commit suicide...you died from other causes. Don't tell me I am wrong because I know I am not wrong. I have been doing the same thing. Got cancer...didn't do chemo. Didn't do radiation. Didn't take my Tamoxifen. If I have colon or anal cancer...I will do the same thing...nothing. I smoke. That is killing me too. I'm not committing suicide. I am dying from other causes. Thats what is in my head even today.
So I recognize what you are doing. Nothing anyone says will sway you, either. You are cared for by complete strangers here in USMB. And this is tough love on my part. I'm telling you what you need to hear and recognize it. No more hiding.
People die all the time. Many here have lost loved ones and outlived them. Does it hurt? **** YES it hurts. OUr time will come when it comes. Either you subconciously will continue to kill yourself and insist it isn't suicide like I'm doing...or you will just say **** it and pull the trigger or down the pills. Myself, I know a very tall cliff I can drive off when I decide to face it myself. Until then..I will live with my own guilt and denial. Even though I know people here care about me. Sometimes..it just isn't enough. People dying don't affect me, even loved ones. Its the ones I was closest to..soul wise...MY PETS...that call me. Yet...I don't conciously act on it because maybe my punishment will never to see them again and that is what I want. To see them again.
Anyway...I said too ******* much. I hate seeing you in pain. I also hate having company in my own pain. Get better and let me walk my own path alone. Seeing someone else suffer is too hard.