Are Pastafarians Dishonest

[Meriweather]

V. Order – Pastafarians are a free people that reject dogma, shun rules, and even have symbolism that promotes a hedonistic mindset. This is an unfortunate aspect of our religious tradition that undermines our religion as being legitimate. It can even be argued that this lack of order will lead to our demise as a movement. The first point of that argument is the documented failure of the First Pastafarian Church in Norman Oklahoma that was short lived. Because of these weaknesses; we borrow, steal, utilize, parody, or copy from the Presbyterian tradition. When possible, we adopt Book of Order The Constitution of the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.) Part II 2011/2013 to keep us grounded and sustainable. We must be formally organized and have rules for our posterity even though this does create a paradox and contradiction of who we are as Pastafarians. It is of note to Pastafarians that paradoxes and contradictions were predicted, celebrated, and even encouraged in the early writings of Bobby Henderson.

It sounds like Pastafarianism is intended to be an anarchy?

 

[presonorek]

It sounds like Pastafarianism is intended to be an anarchy?

It is a very problematic part of our religion. Yes. You have expressed the greatest challenge I have while I attempt to develop our religion into something real. This is a common challenge among Pastafarians. "But we shouldn't have a church, that's the point." That is a hard statement to refute.

 

[Meriweather]

When playing video games utilizing a little white lie here and there could give you an advantage over your opponent. In a dire state of survival mode, stealing or lying could be necessary for your own wellbeing. Bobby Henderson tells us that purity is for drinking water, not for man. This belief is certainly beneficial for providing flexibility to individuals to accommodate their own wellbeing. It also leaves little room for living a life filled with guilt.

I believe, in this life, we are co-creators of ourselves. It sounds like Pastafarianism teaches it is okay to train oneself to be a liar and also impure, given the situation? Purity is for drinking water? Think about this. If I handed you an eight once glass of pure water, noting it had only a drop of diarrhea in it--otherwise perfectly pure--would you want to drink it? In the same way, can one's being truly be truthful if s/he is prone to lying in many circumstances?

 

[Meriweather]

The Flying Spaghetti Monster is drunk a good deal of the time. Even when he isn't drunk, high, or too lazy, he often just doesn't care about other people. He feels like we just aren't all that interesting. It is even rumored that the Flying Spaghetti Monster has never even taken the time to converse with any human. That's a claim I believe even Bobby Henderson himself would agree is plausible.

Yes, definitely a mythological god! They were quite popular at one time. I wish you the kind of luck JK Rowling had with Harry Potter.

 

[presonorek]

If I handed you an eight once glass of pure water, noting it had only a drop of diarrhea in it--otherwise perfectly pure--would you want to drink it?

Purity is for drinking water, ~Bobby Henderson

so no

 

[presonorek]

I believe, in this life, we are co-creators of ourselves. It sounds like Pastafarianism teaches it is okay to train oneself to be a liar and also impure, given the situation?

Correct. Reference Pastafarian Point I.

In the same way, can one's being truly be truthful if s/he is prone to lying in many circumstances?

No

 

[presonorek]

Yes, definitely a mythological god! They were quite popular at one time. I wish you the kind of luck JK Rowling had with Harry Potter.

The Pastafarian god was created in 2005. I doubt I'll have that kind of luck. Some personalities are normal and can appeal to the masses. That most certainly isn't me. I have sold around 200 books though.

 

[presonorek]

I guess it was more than I thought. I sold 255 but that is over the course of 11 years 5 months.

 

[presonorek]

VI. Church/Table defined – The word table and church are used interchangeably throughout this document. It is hoped that one day our organization(s) will be referred to as tables instead of churches but at the time of this writing there is a lack of confidence that this linguistic alteration will ever stick. When seeing the word table do not be confused. It has the same meaning as what we traditionally mean when using the word church.

VII. Tradition

1. Baptist – As part of our heritage we adopt the Baptist tradition of individual table autonomy and a democratic run institution. Individual tables are not subject to any authority or governing body outside of the congregation of that individual table organization. The election of leaders and other administrative personnel is to be made through a democratic process.

2. Presbyterianism – Presbyterians just as Pastafarians promoted the separation of church matters versus government matters. We already share that history together. The church should not rule the state. The state should not rule the church. We also took it a step further and adopted the Book of Order The Constitution of the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.) Part II 2011/2013 as our methodology for solving all matters organizationally related. Furthermore, this document is inspired by John Calvin’s work, The Institutes of the Christian Religion. It is necessary to point out that we are associating our borrowed traditions from the PCUSA sect of the Presbyterian community. PCUSA also engage in the rejection of the dogmatic teaching on the authority and inerrancy of scripture.

3. Mormonism – We encourage the reading of the Book of Mormon for literary inspiration. We do share a tradition with Mormonism that we are a religion created in America by an American. We believe the philosophy of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints could be helpful in inspiring future literature on matters of Pastafarianism.

4. Satanism – Laveyan Satanism also has roots in America. It was created in America by an American. We believe the philosophy of Satanism celebrates the instincts of the human creature and provides insight into a more successful path for living by encouraging the manipulation of one’s environment to maximize achievement. We encourage the reading of works on Satanism for the purpose of utilizing your life to the fullest.

5. Calvinism – John Calvin is celebrated by some as the greatest theologian to ever live. We find it wise to utilize this wisdom to structure our organization where Pastafarian thought is lacking. We seek methods for order from John Calvin’s work, The Institutes of the Christian Religion.

VIII. Our History – Bobby Henderson created the Flying Spaghetti Monster as a satirical concept to challenge the Kansas School Board’s decision to teach creationism as an equally plausible theory on par with the theory of evolution. Later, the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster was written. Sometime after that, the Loose Canon was written. Sometime after that, the First Pastafarian Church in Norman Oklahoma was organized. Sometime after that, the First Pastafarian Church was disbanned. Learning from their failures, it became necessary to create an organizational structure to serve Pastafarians into the future. That is the purpose of this entire document.

IX. On Christ – All religions utilize Christ in their teaching. Jesus Christ is the central figure of Christianity. Buddhists regard Christ as a Bodhisattva, which is a person who gives up the luxury of enlightenment in order to teach others how to find enlightenment. Islam considers Christ a prophet that actually spoke as a newborn infant. The voodoo religion boasts of Christ as the first voodoo priest. The Jews also consider Christ a rabi in their tradition. Pastafarianism is no exception. Bobby Henderson mentions in the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster that if Christ was alive today then he would most certainly be a Pastafarian. The character of Christ is a great inspiration to many cultures and peoples. It would be a disgrace to reject such a powerful source of inspiration. As Pastafarians we love the personage of Jesus Christ of Nazareth and encourage the study of his life and character.

X. Afterlife – In the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Mosnter it is asserted that good people go to Pastafarian Heaven that is filled with beer volcanoes and stripper factories. It is further asserted that bad people go to Pastafarian Hell that is also filled with beer volcanoes and stripper factories, but the beer is stale and the strippers all have venereal diseases. We believe this to be completely false. The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster New Zealand Reformed condemned this heresy and asserted that when we die, we die. We simply cease to exist anymore. There is no afterlife.

XI. Marriage – As a matter of necessity it is encouraged that Pastafarians search outside of our organization and into the mainstream culture on matters of marriage. There is a wide array of cultural niches that have mastered the realm of marital traditions, wedding rituals, and rules on expected marital behavior. It is asserted that ordained ministers of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster are legally capable of performing wedding ceremonies. We take no such position on this matter and recommend relying on mainstream culture on the topic of marriage. We do not condemn the performance of a Pastafarian wedding but do not aspire to adopt this as a normal part of our tradition.

XII. Death – As a matter of necessity it is encouraged that Pastafarians search outside of our organization and into the mainstream culture on matters of death. There is a wide array of cultural niches that have mastered the realm of handling matters of death, funerals, and burial customs. In the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster it is asserted that good people go to Pastafarian Heaven that is filled with beer volcanoes and stripper factories. It is further asserted that bad people go to Pastafarian Hell that is also filled with beer volcanoes and stripper factories but the beer is stale and the strippers all have venereal diseases. We believe this to be completely false. The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster New Zealand Reformed condemned this heresy and asserted that when we die, we die. We simply cease to exist anymore. There is no afterlife. The Pastafarian view on death is grim, uninspiring, and lacking in a colorful display necessary for a celebration of death. We recommend the Pastafarian to rely on the mainstream culture on matters of death. We do not condemn the performance of a Pastafarian funeral but do not aspire to adopt this as a normal part of our tradition.

XIII. Holy Days – No official holidays have been set but here is a list of 8 possible holidays along with descriptions that may be adopted as holidays in the future.

1. Creation Day – August 9

In 1613 this is the day that the Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe that we have learned to enjoy even to this day. Exactly 200 years later on this day, the Flying Spaghetti Monster became exhausted with being ruler of the universe and he offered his reign to an olive tree and a grape vine. Later the Flying Spaghetti Monster had a conversation with a fig tree. He became hungry but could not find the figs. He only found leaves. Exactly one hundred years after that Edna broke a 12 day fast by feasting upon spaghetti with a side of garlic bread. On creation day in 2005 Ashley re-experienced creation. She also ate spaghetti that evening after 7:08pm. Ashley could not find the beer and instead decided to drink bottled water. Creation day requires the eating of olives, grapes, spaghetti, garlic bread, lettuce, and the drinking of bottled water sometime after 7:08 pm. It is forbidden to eat figs or to drink beer on creation day. The Flying Spaghetti Monster was unable to find the figs that day. Ashley could not find the beer that day. Ashley grew up in an alcohol free tradition and she was too young to drink. Always remember to remember. This is creation day.

2. Talk Like a Pirate Day – September 9

Some traditions have an unknown origin. For some reason, talk like a pirate day is a holiday. Draw your own conclusions. Become involved with the tradition to which you are most familiar. Always remember to remember. This is talk like a pirate day.

3. Halloween – October 31

This is a day to celebrate a time when pirates roamed the earth giving candy to children. This is also a time to remember to be charitable to the less fortunate around us. Ashley’s grandmother Mary was born on this day in 1957. She gave Ashley a large sum of money on Halloween each year. Halloween requires the dressing up as a pirate and to act generously at least by giving away candy. In more extravagant acts of generosity it is acceptable to give someone a house, a car, a college education or a years worth of income on Halloween. It would also be acceptable to do all five. Always remember to remember. This is Halloween.

4. Pouring of the Beer – December 26

Mary and Ashley purchased beer on this day in 2012. They later poured it down the drain. This holiday does not have to be celebrated annually. It must be celebrated at least once in a lifetime by purchasing a six pack of beer on this day and pouring it down the drain. It is also required to eat a festive meal of lemon pepper chicken, green beans and mashed potatoes. This meal can be eaten any time that day either after or before the pouring of the beer. This is also a ritual that our messiah will accomplish on December 26, 2412 as a symbol of the coming church that following year on August 9, 2413. Always remember to remember. In this case we also look ahead to the future. Our messiah is coming. This is the reason for the pouring of the beer.

5. Happy Holidays December 8 – January 5

These are delightful times full of joy, happiness, shopping and family gatherings. It is even possible to participate in holiday celebrations from other traditions all around us. This is a special time for us to embrace and enjoy our greatest strength of tolerance and love to all people. Happiness is a choice. We know that, but during Happy Holidays happiness is semi mandatory. You are free to be miserable during Happy Holidays, but it is frowned upon in our tradition. Always remember to remember. This is Happy Holidays.

6. Ramendan – March 1

On this day it is important to eat ramen noodles to remember a time when you were poor. It is a time to celebrate all that you have accomplished since those days. If you have never been poor or haven’t accomplished anything then at least be happy that you are a Pastafarian. Always remember to remember. This is Ramendan.

7. Pastover – April 12

On this day all meals must be eaten while wearing an eye patch. At least one person present for the evening meal should be dressed as a pirate and share an existing story of how our religion began, a true story of how our religion began, a made up story of how our religion began, or a totally foolish story of how our religion began. People love to find an origin to an origin and then find that origin’s origin. This is a day to let your imagination run wild and explore the infinite possibilities for the purpose of life while eating spaghetti. The pouring of the beer encourages us to look to the future. Pastover encourages us to look to the past. Always remember to remember. This is Pastover.

8. Fast of Edna July 28 – August 9

On July 28, 2017 an unknown Pastafarian woke up an hour earlier than usual knowing that it would be the last day he would eat for twelve days. He ate a little bit of stir fry rice, consumed six ounces of grape juice and sixteen ounces of coffee. During this same time he painted six rocks light blue in color. Later in the morning he bought four sausage biscuits. He at the four sausage patties but discarded the biscuits and left them to be eaten by animals. Later that night he ate a meal with his family. He lived on water only for twelve days. On August 9, 2017 he broke the fast by drinking eight ounces of diluted juice. It was half water, one fourth grape juice and one fourth tomato juice. It was a miserable twelve days. He proved to himself and to others that it is entirely possible to complete a twelve-day water fast. This is the first of our holidays that has been both celebrated and documented. This is also the day that Edna began fasting in 1913. This is a time to remember the wisdom behind resisting a desire for power. Just like Jesus rejected the opportunity to rule the world, Edna rejected the opportunity that the Flying Spaghetti Monster offered her to rule the world. This holiday requires no ritual except for the ambitious at heart that may need an excuse to engage in a long term fast. Always remember to remember. This is the fast of Edna.

XIV. Bobby Henderson – Bobby Henderson is considered the founder of our religion. His hands off approach for leading the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is a mystery to us all. It is almost as if the term “monster” is the most perfect description for our god. It appears as if the Pastafarian movement is much bigger than Bobby Henderson planned. He appears unable to control its momentum. It is a monster per se. Bobby Henderson will always be held in high esteem as our first prophet and the founder of the Pastafarian faith.

XV. Scripture and prophecy – The Loose Canon is the method that we use for assigning scripture. This means that there is a very lax standard for considering something scripture. Our canon can be changed based on the whims of anybody at any time and for any reason. Due to our nondogmatic belief system, scripture really has little value in the Pastafarian tradition. As a matter of prophecy, it has been prophesied that a female named Ashley will be born on December 25, 2391. She will permanently assign a canon of Pastafarian scripture on August 9, 2413 when she establishes the permanent Pastafarian Church.

XVI. Homosexuality – Due to the zeitgeist of the time when Pastafarianism came on the scene it is almost a necessity to address the issue of homosexuality. Religions operating today are having a difficult time reconciling their ancient roots with this newfound view regarding the acceptance of homosexuality as a normal behavior that occurs in some humans. As Pastafarians we do not have this disadvantage. It is our tradition to welcome anyone of the homosexual persuasion to participate in our religion in any way that is beneficial to the greater good of our organization or our society at large.

XVII. Creation – We do no know how the universe was created. Bobby Henderson teaches us that it happened fairly quick and was pretty dull. Some Pastafarian literature delves into this illustration but as an organization we assert that we do not know for sure how it happened.

XVIII. Converting – Becoming a Pastafarian is easy. All you have to do is say, “I am a Pastafarian.” This is the only rite of passage to become Pastafarian. The highest ritual to be performed by any Pastafarian is to have your picture made while wearing a pasta strainer on your head in an official government identification photo. This ritual was started in Austria by Niko Alm in 2009.

XIX. Rhetoric – Speaking things with certainty for the purpose of making a point even though it may be an exaggeration is sometimes necessary when making an argument against opposing forces. The greatest example is for us to assert that the Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe when in fact we do not believe that at all. Rhetoric is an art that is often used in the process of persuading others and should be used sparingly.

XX. Satire – Satire is like rhetoric. The entirety of our religion was created in a spirit of satire. It is likely that this part of our tradition may taint every area of our development as a religion. Satirical people are what we are as Pastafarians. This does not negate our sincerity as devoted Pastafarians.

XXI. Nonsensical assertions – Nonsensical assertions are like rhetoric and satire. Nonsensical assertions should be used when making observations or arguments on matters of comparative religion.

XXII. American Intellectualism – The era and locale in which the Pastafarian religion had its beginnings was limited by the norm of its day. Americans are not intellectuals by virtue. Americans are instead builders or consumers. The era in which Pastafarian enjoyed its infancy was 2005-2025. At that time there were very few intellectuals. Our founding documents may lack the depth and thoroughness of other religious movements of the past. We hope history will take that into consideration and work to elaborate, edit, change, and clarify the traditions of Pastafarianism throughout this 408 year era until Ashley comes to make our church a permanent existence upon the entire future of mankind.

 

[norwegen]

Do Pastafarians eat spaghetti and baked ziti?

 

[presonorek]

Do Pastafarians eat spaghetti and baked ziti?

Pastafarianism is transitioning out of their phase as a joke and moving into more serious territory of becoming a religion. For now it is all giggles but this outline isn't really focused on the silly parts so that question was left out. The answer to your question is no though. To my knowledge Pastafarians don't congregate so I don't think they serve anything.

 

[presonorek]

VI. Church/Table defined – The word table and church are used interchangeably throughout this document. It is hoped that one day our organization(s) will be referred to as tables instead of churches but at the time of this writing there is a lack of confidence that this linguistic alteration will ever stick. When seeing the word table do not be confused. It has the same meaning as what we traditionally mean when using the word church.

 

[presonorek]

VII. Borrowed Tradition

1. Baptist – As part of our heritage we adopt the Baptist tradition of individual table autonomy and a democratic run institution. Individual tables are not subject to any authority or governing body outside of the congregation of that individual table organization. The election of leaders and other administrative personnel is to be made through a democratic process.

2. Presbyterianism – Presbyterians just as Pastafarians promoted the separation of church matters versus government matters. We already share that history together. The church should not rule the state. The state should not rule the church. We also took it a step further and adopted the Book of Order The Constitution of the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.) Part II 2011/2013 as our methodology for solving all matters organizationally related. Furthermore, this document is inspired by John Calvin’s work, The Institutes of the Christian Religion. It is necessary to point out that we are associating our borrowed traditions from the PCUSA sect of the Presbyterian community. PCUSA also engage in the rejection of the dogmatic teaching on the authority and inerrancy of scripture.

3. Mormonism – We encourage the reading of the Book of Mormon for literary inspiration. We do share a tradition with Mormonism that we are a religion created in America by an American. We believe the philosophy of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints could be helpful in inspiring future literature on matters of Pastafarianism.

4. Satanism – Laveyan Satanism also has roots in America. It was created in America by an American. We believe the philosophy of Satanism celebrates the instincts of the human creature and provides insight into a more successful path for living by encouraging the manipulation of one’s environment to maximize achievement. We encourage the reading of works on Satanism for the purpose of utilizing your life to the fullest.

5. Calvinism – John Calvin is celebrated by some as the greatest theologian to ever live. We find it wise to utilize this wisdom to structure our organization where Pastafarian thought is lacking. We seek methods for order from John Calvin’s work, The Institutes of the Christian Religion.

 

[Meriweather]

It is a very problematic part of our religion. Yes. You have expressed the greatest challenge I have while I attempt to develop our religion into something real. This is a common challenge among Pastafarians. "But we shouldn't have a church, that's the point." That is a hard statement to refute.

Contemplating the challenge of developing Pastafarianism into something real, each person will ask these questions:

• What is in it for me?
• How will this help make me a better person?
• What are its challenges to me, personally?

What answers do you have?

 

[Meriweather]

My mind automatically jumps to synonyms: Have you considered 'platform' instead of 'table'?

 

[presonorek]

Contemplating the challenge of developing Pastafarianism into something real, each person will ask these questions:

• What is in it for me?

You get to build something from the ground floor. Your creative contributions will be much more meaningful when you are creating something new that hasn't even been defined yet. Your ideas are less likely to be rejected.

• How will this help make me a better person?

When life is going bad, people tend to behave poorly without even knowing why. All of us can use something that we are good at doing to give us a sense of fulfillment. It is always good to be a part of something that is bigger than ourselves. The downside is that if that thing is too big then your contributions are invisible and discouraging. The Pastafarian movement is big enough for you to look outside of yourself for fulfillment but small enough to still see yourself in it.

• What are its challenges to me, personally?

You will be mocked profusely and even defined as insane. Practicing Pastafarianism simultaneously forces you to practice not caring what other people think about you and your decisions. Being Pastafarian doesn't hurt anybody at all but people will pretend it does. You can develop the skill of observing silly humans instead of punching silly humans. Being Pastafarian doesn't hurt them but they fully believe it does. You can see this firsthand and your mind will subconsciously apply that to other areas of your life where you are mocked and ridiculed. As a Pastafarian you will get better at ignoring people that want to control you just for their own comfort. You will become that powerhouse that you were never able to be because you cared too much about what other people think about you. In reality it doesn't matter. As a Pastafarian we get closer to that reality each time we are mocked, criticized, insulted, and labelled.

Christianity used to be a fringe religion and gave the same benefit but now Christianity is normal and makes you vulnerable to the control of other people by being one of the crowd but back when Christianity was a fringe movement they taught each other this:

"Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when they insult you and persecute you and utter every kind of evil against you falsely because of me. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward will be great in heaven. Thus they persecuted the prophets who were before you. Matthew 5:10-12 NABRE

 

[presonorek]

My mind automatically jumps to synonyms: Have you considered 'platform' instead of 'table'?

Table was a suggestion someone gave me years ago. It has been stuck in my head ever since. Her logic was that because we are intertwined with a god that is spaghetti then it would make sense that we would eat spaghetti at a table basically consuming the Flying Spaghetti Monster's teachings. This is the first time I have heard platform as a suggestion. There was never an urgency to eliminate the word church as far as I am concerned. Using the word platform doesn't really seem necessary unless there is a reason to eliminate the usage of the word church.

 

[The Sage of Main Street]

VI. Church/Table defined – The word table and church are used interchangeably throughout this document. It is hoped that one day our organization(s) will be referred to as tables instead of churches but at the time of this writing there is a lack of confidence that this linguistic alteration will ever stick. When seeing the word table do not be confused. It has the same meaning as what we traditionally mean when using the word church.

Cash Cows for Corporate Cowboys

The name of the High-IQ organization MENSA means "table" in Latin. However, they are a cult of useless escapist nerds, conforming to the place the Preppy Parasites put them in.

Which is a pity because creative human genius is the only supernatural being. It literally conquers Nature, which is neither a god nor created by any competent and benevolent god. Nature is a crime against humanity, and so is irreverence towards creative genius.

A pity because creative

 

[presonorek]

Cash Cows for Corporate Cowboys

The name of the High-IQ organization MENSA means "table" in Latin. However, they are a cult of useless escapist nerds, conforming to the place the Preppy Parasites put them in.

Which is a pity because creative human genius is the only supernatural being. It literally conquers Nature, which is neither a god nor created by any competent and benevolent god. Nature is a crime against humanity, and so is irreverence towards creative genius.

A pity because creative

The guy that makes the Dilbert cartoon wrote a book called the Dilbert principle. It is a self proclaimed sequel to the Peter Principle. We can talk about the book itself but for now I'm just take one concept from the book.

In the book he suggests that people that invented the wheel, the car, the radio, the television, and all other major developments have an level of intelligence that is one out of hundreds of billions. These kind of geniuses are so intelligent that they only come around once every few hundred years. The rest of us are so much dumber than them but we live in a world that was built by those mega super ultra geniuses. That's why life doesn't make any sense for us. The world was unintentionally built for those mega super ultra geniuses.

 

[The Sage of Main Street]

Table was a suggestion someone gave me years ago. It has been stuck in my head ever since. Her logic was that because we are intertwined with a god that is spaghetti then it would make sense that we would eat spaghetti at a table basically consuming the Flying Spaghetti Monster's teachings. This is the first time I have heard platform as a suggestion. There was never an urgency to eliminate the word church as far as I am concerned. Using the word platform doesn't really seem necessary unless there is a reason to eliminate the usage of the word church.

Domination Through Self-Damnation

Church is from the Greek word kurios, which means "Lord," but has a prehistoric derivation that means "swelling." Interesting that the pushy and bossy types have a negative word-origin.