Votto
Diamond Member
- Oct 31, 2012
- 68,607
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So, you take no position on the resurrection of Christ other than to say it needs studied more?
Are Pastafarians Dishonest
- Thread starter presonorek
- Start date
presonorek
Gold Member
- Thread starter
- #62
AI possibly?
The Loose Canon has a long history. Some contributions date back prior to the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. In 2010, The First Edition of the Loose Canon was published as an online only document. This version was lacking existence in physical form. In January 2014, the Loose Canon Complete Second Edition was published in physical form but had struggles with various legal issues. On February 5, 2018 all legal issues were resolved but the credibility of The Loose Canon Complete Second Edition was too tainted to please a Pastafarian audience. Later in 2018 Cardinal Fang took it upon himself to publish a more honest, upright and all around superior version of the Loose Canon titled, “The Pastafarian Loose Canon”. In the background of all this activity, Mark C Pastafar was working feverishly and encountering powerful bursts of creative energy. With this energy he wrote many additional Pastafarian texts. In 2025, Mark C Pastafar was able to track down Cardinal Fang to put together the Official Third Edition of the Loose Canon that you are holding at this exact moment. The improvements are vast but most notably there are seven Pastafarian Tunes written by Mark C Pastafar included, and six other additional texts not found in the Pastafarian Loose Canon. Enjoy the Loose Canon Complete Third Edition. Cardinal Fang thanks you for your purchase. Flying Spaghetti Monster Bless you all.
Amazon.com: The Loose Canon (Complete Third Edition): 9798314158531: Fang, Cardinal, Pastafar, Mark C: Books
Amazon.com: The Loose Canon (Complete Third Edition): 9798314158531: Fang, Cardinal, Pastafar, Mark C: Books
www.amazon.com
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Twisted Gypsy Child
Diamond Member
- Banned
- #63
No I am not AI. I heard about "Pastafarianism" a few years ago and from what I can tell it is a joke.
Pastafarians, often wear colanders on their heads and embrace pirate attire as a symbol of their faith.
Amazon.com: The Loose Canon (Complete Third Edition): 9798314158531: Fang, Cardinal, Pastafar, Mark C: Books
Amazon.com: The Loose Canon (Complete Third Edition): 9798314158531: Fang, Cardinal, Pastafar, Mark C: Books
www.amazon.com
Votto
Diamond Member
- Oct 31, 2012
- 68,607
- 77,131
- 3,605
So, you take no position on the resurrection of Christ other than to say it needs studied more?
presonorek
Gold Member
- Thread starter
- #65
Nothing should ever be asserted as true or untrue, ever.
Something asserted as truth can only fit into one of four categories. It can be highly likely, likely, unlikely or highly unlikely. Different levels of education, different types of experiences, the availability of evidence, and different ways of viewing the world can all skew our analysis. Nothing should ever be accepted as true. You should use your brain when people claim something to be true no matter how minor the claim is.
My position on the matter is blaringly obvious. Just to appease you I will say those things are highly unlikely based up on my education, my experiences, my access of evidence, and my way of viewing the world.
presonorek
Gold Member
- Thread starter
- #67
Correct. New evidence or more persuasive advocates can change the likelihood of a claim. Nothing is ever certain. This is more so the case in matters of history and religion. Physical stuff can usually be put in the highly likely category with like 99.9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999347% likelihood which ultimately closes the discussion. When it comes to religion and history the case should never be closed.
presonorek
Gold Member
- Thread starter
- #68
I don't think he was. According to some sources the Flying Spaghetti Monster didn't come into existence until August 9, 2005. I personally think it was a little earlier but it still wasn't until 2005. Way after Christ's crucifixion.
i have been practicing this religion since 2011-2012 ish. i have enjoyed it so far.
presonorek
Gold Member
- Thread starter
- #69
Pastafarianism has had many developments in the last 19 years. The status of Pastafarianism is still in the joke stage for now but it has some developing literature that could be useful for forming Pastafarianism into a religion if this new literature fell in the right hands. We can break this outline down piece by piece a bit later but for now, here is a Pastafarian Outline:
I. Dogma – The basic tenet of Pastafarianism is the rejection of assertions of absoluteness. All things Pastafarian henge on this one concept. This doctrine or nondoctrine obligates us to challenge ideas that do not make sense or may have sinister objectives. The pinnacle of our nondogmatic tradition is the commitment to reject the Flying Spaghetti Monster fully if the proof of his nonexistence is ever to surface. Every Pastafarian is obligated to assert the nonexistence of the Flying Spaghetti Monster when and if this proof ever arises. As Pastafarians we never allow dogmatic claims to go unchecked. We have no dogmatic beliefs. This is problematic, which is why we must rely on paradox and contradictions as part of who we are.
II. Paradox and Contradictions – Every human is guilty of contradicting himself or herself at one time or another. It would be unethical to create a tradition that does not embrace this inevitable part of the human condition. Bobby Henderson predicted, celebrated, and even encouraged the use of paradox to challenge the faith of Pastafarians. This is not a new tactic and is used in other religious traditions worldwide. Contradictions create a beautiful and colorful supplement to the dry and complex nature of philosophy, human nature, and the study of other deep subjects worthy of human inquiry.
III. Explanations of god(s) – In most world religious traditions it is asserted that their particular god created man. Pastafarianism is the opposite. We believe that our god was created by man. Bobby Henderson created our god sometime around 2005. We find it fascinating that other gods throughout the history of time have supernatural powers. These gods are worthy of study and awe. We quietly believe these other gods were likely created by humans as well but this does not stop us from investigating or enjoying the tales of these mighty creatures of old. Even though we may assert our god to be real, this is only a part of our tradition to use rhetoric, satire and nonsensical assertions to make a point or teach complex concepts that require an illustrative tone to ensure understanding to the audience. In all honesty, Pastafarians do not literally believe that the Flying Spaghetti Monster exists except within the realm of literature. We further assert that all gods live within that pantheon of religious literature that can inspire, motivate, comfort, protect, teach, and even help us with our average day to day struggles. Gods most certainly exist but not in the literal sense that a chair or a tree may exist. In short, gods are amazing! Unfortunately, our god is one of the lesser amazing gods in the pantheon.
IV. Purity and morality – In line with the Presbyterian view of our tradition there will always be a debate between ardor and order. Pastafarians traditionally assert to having flimsy moral standards much like a noodle. This is sometimes mischaracterized as low moral standards. Flimsy means that it can be adjusted based on the necessity of the moment. The moral standards can wibble and wobble much like the consistency of a noodle. For example: when in the workplace it is important that you build impeccable trust by behaving in an upright way. When playing video games utilizing a little white lie here and there could give you an advantage over your opponent. In a dire state of survival mode, stealing or lying could be necessary for your own wellbeing. Bobby Henderson tells us that purity is for drinking water, not for man. This belief is certainly beneficial for providing flexibility to individuals to accommodate their own wellbeing. It also leaves little room for living a life filled with guilt. For the purpose of this document, we must return to the discussion of finding a balance between ardor and order. It is necessary for our existence as an organization to have some sort of ethical guide that will take us into the future. The failure of the First Pastafarian Church in Norman Oklahoma could be blamed on low moral standards. The landlord of the property where the First Pastafarian Church congregated received constant and frequent complaints about behavior that was not accepted by mainstream society. We must maintain a certain level of purity and morality as an organization. Order is necessary for our existence.
V. Order – Pastafarians are a free people that reject dogma, shun rules, and even have symbolism that promotes a hedonistic mindset. This is an unfortunate aspect of our religious tradition that undermines our religion as being legitimate. It can even be argued that this lack of order will lead to our demise as a movement. The first point of that argument is the documented failure of the First Pastafarian Church in Norman Oklahoma that was short lived. Because of these weaknesses; we borrow, steal, utilize, parody, or copy from the Presbyterian tradition. When possible, we adopt Book of Order The Constitution of the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.) Part II 2011/2013 to keep us grounded and sustainable. We must be formally organized and have rules for our posterity even though this does create a paradox and contradiction of who we are as Pastafarians. It is of note to Pastafarians that paradoxes and contradictions were predicted, celebrated, and even encouraged in the early writings of Bobby Henderson.
VI. Church/Table defined – The word table and church are used interchangeably throughout this document. It is hoped that one day our organization(s) will be referred to as tables instead of churches but at the time of this writing there is a lack of confidence that this linguistic alteration will ever stick. When seeing the word table do not be confused. It has the same meaning as what we traditionally mean when using the word church.
VII. Tradition
1. Baptist – As part of our heritage we adopt the Baptist tradition of individual table autonomy and a democratic run institution. Individual tables are not subject to any authority or governing body outside of the congregation of that individual table organization. The election of leaders and other administrative personnel is to be made through a democratic process.
2. Presbyterianism – Presbyterians just as Pastafarians promoted the separation of church matters versus government matters. We already share that history together. The church should not rule the state. The state should not rule the church. We also took it a step further and adopted the Book of Order The Constitution of the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.) Part II 2011/2013 as our methodology for solving all matters organizationally related. Furthermore, this document is inspired by John Calvin’s work, The Institutes of the Christian Religion. It is necessary to point out that we are associating our borrowed traditions from the PCUSA sect of the Presbyterian community. PCUSA also engage in the rejection of the dogmatic teaching on the authority and inerrancy of scripture.
3. Mormonism – We encourage the reading of the Book of Mormon for literary inspiration. We do share a tradition with Mormonism that we are a religion created in America by an American. We believe the philosophy of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints could be helpful in inspiring future literature on matters of Pastafarianism.
4. Satanism – Laveyan Satanism also has roots in America. It was created in America by an American. We believe the philosophy of Satanism celebrates the instincts of the human creature and provides insight into a more successful path for living by encouraging the manipulation of one’s environment to maximize achievement. We encourage the reading of works on Satanism for the purpose of utilizing your life to the fullest.
5. Calvinism – John Calvin is celebrated by some as the greatest theologian to ever live. We find it wise to utilize this wisdom to structure our organization where Pastafarian thought is lacking. We seek methods for order from John Calvin’s work, The Institutes of the Christian Religion.
VIII. Our History – Bobby Henderson created the Flying Spaghetti Monster as a satirical concept to challenge the Kansas School Board’s decision to teach creationism as an equally plausible theory on par with the theory of evolution. Later, the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster was written. Sometime after that, the Loose Canon was written. Sometime after that, the First Pastafarian Church in Norman Oklahoma was organized. Sometime after that, the First Pastafarian Church was disbanned. Learning from their failures, it became necessary to create an organizational structure to serve Pastafarians into the future. That is the purpose of this entire document.
IX. On Christ – All religions utilize Christ in their teaching. Jesus Christ is the central figure of Christianity. Buddhists regard Christ as a Bodhisattva, which is a person who gives up the luxury of enlightenment in order to teach others how to find enlightenment. Islam considers Christ a prophet that actually spoke as a newborn infant. The voodoo religion boasts of Christ as the first voodoo priest. The Jews also consider Christ a rabi in their tradition. Pastafarianism is no exception. Bobby Henderson mentions in the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster that if Christ was alive today then he would most certainly be a Pastafarian. The character of Christ is a great inspiration to many cultures and peoples. It would be a disgrace to reject such a powerful source of inspiration. As Pastafarians we love the personage of Jesus Christ of Nazareth and encourage the study of his life and character.
X. Afterlife – In the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Mosnter it is asserted that good people go to Pastafarian Heaven that is filled with beer volcanoes and stripper factories. It is further asserted that bad people go to Pastafarian Hell that is also filled with beer volcanoes and stripper factories, but the beer is stale and the strippers all have venereal diseases. We believe this to be completely false. The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster New Zealand Reformed condemned this heresy and asserted that when we die, we die. We simply cease to exist anymore. There is no afterlife.
XI. Marriage – As a matter of necessity it is encouraged that Pastafarians search outside of our organization and into the mainstream culture on matters of marriage. There is a wide array of cultural niches that have mastered the realm of marital traditions, wedding rituals, and rules on expected marital behavior. It is asserted that ordained ministers of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster are legally capable of performing wedding ceremonies. We take no such position on this matter and recommend relying on mainstream culture on the topic of marriage. We do not condemn the performance of a Pastafarian wedding but do not aspire to adopt this as a normal part of our tradition.
XII. Death – As a matter of necessity it is encouraged that Pastafarians search outside of our organization and into the mainstream culture on matters of death. There is a wide array of cultural niches that have mastered the realm of handling matters of death, funerals, and burial customs. In the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster it is asserted that good people go to Pastafarian Heaven that is filled with beer volcanoes and stripper factories. It is further asserted that bad people go to Pastafarian Hell that is also filled with beer volcanoes and stripper factories but the beer is stale and the strippers all have venereal diseases. We believe this to be completely false. The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster New Zealand Reformed condemned this heresy and asserted that when we die, we die. We simply cease to exist anymore. There is no afterlife. The Pastafarian view on death is grim, uninspiring, and lacking in a colorful display necessary for a celebration of death. We recommend the Pastafarian to rely on the mainstream culture on matters of death. We do not condemn the performance of a Pastafarian funeral but do not aspire to adopt this as a normal part of our tradition.
XIII. Holy Days – No official holidays have been set but here is a list of 8 possible holidays along with descriptions that may be adopted as holidays in the future.
1. Creation Day – August 9
In 1613 this is the day that the Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe that we have learned to enjoy even to this day. Exactly 200 years later on this day, the Flying Spaghetti Monster became exhausted with being ruler of the universe and he offered his reign to an olive tree and a grape vine. Later the Flying Spaghetti Monster had a conversation with a fig tree. He became hungry but could not find the figs. He only found leaves. Exactly one hundred years after that Edna broke a 12 day fast by feasting upon spaghetti with a side of garlic bread. On creation day in 2005 Ashley re-experienced creation. She also ate spaghetti that evening after 7:08pm. Ashley could not find the beer and instead decided to drink bottled water. Creation day requires the eating of olives, grapes, spaghetti, garlic bread, lettuce, and the drinking of bottled water sometime after 7:08 pm. It is forbidden to eat figs or to drink beer on creation day. The Flying Spaghetti Monster was unable to find the figs that day. Ashley could not find the beer that day. Ashley grew up in an alcohol free tradition and she was too young to drink. Always remember to remember. This is creation day.
2. Talk Like a Pirate Day – September 9
Some traditions have an unknown origin. For some reason, talk like a pirate day is a holiday. Draw your own conclusions. Become involved with the tradition to which you are most familiar. Always remember to remember. This is talk like a pirate day.
3. Halloween – October 31
This is a day to celebrate a time when pirates roamed the earth giving candy to children. This is also a time to remember to be charitable to the less fortunate around us. Ashley’s grandmother Mary was born on this day in 1957. She gave Ashley a large sum of money on Halloween each year. Halloween requires the dressing up as a pirate and to act generously at least by giving away candy. In more extravagant acts of generosity it is acceptable to give someone a house, a car, a college education or a years worth of income on Halloween. It would also be acceptable to do all five. Always remember to remember. This is Halloween.
4. Pouring of the Beer – December 26
Mary and Ashley purchased beer on this day in 2012. They later poured it down the drain. This holiday does not have to be celebrated annually. It must be celebrated at least once in a lifetime by purchasing a six pack of beer on this day and pouring it down the drain. It is also required to eat a festive meal of lemon pepper chicken, green beans and mashed potatoes. This meal can be eaten any time that day either after or before the pouring of the beer. This is also a ritual that our messiah will accomplish on December 26, 2412 as a symbol of the coming church that following year on August 9, 2413. Always remember to remember. In this case we also look ahead to the future. Our messiah is coming. This is the reason for the pouring of the beer.
5. Happy Holidays December 8 – January 5
These are delightful times full of joy, happiness, shopping and family gatherings. It is even possible to participate in holiday celebrations from other traditions all around us. This is a special time for us to embrace and enjoy our greatest strength of tolerance and love to all people. Happiness is a choice. We know that, but during Happy Holidays happiness is semi mandatory. You are free to be miserable during Happy Holidays, but it is frowned upon in our tradition. Always remember to remember. This is Happy Holidays.
6. Ramendan – March 1
On this day it is important to eat ramen noodles to remember a time when you were poor. It is a time to celebrate all that you have accomplished since those days. If you have never been poor or haven’t accomplished anything then at least be happy that you are a Pastafarian. Always remember to remember. This is Ramendan.
7. Pastover – April 12
On this day all meals must be eaten while wearing an eye patch. At least one person present for the evening meal should be dressed as a pirate and share an existing story of how our religion began, a true story of how our religion began, a made up story of how our religion began, or a totally foolish story of how our religion began. People love to find an origin to an origin and then find that origin’s origin. This is a day to let your imagination run wild and explore the infinite possibilities for the purpose of life while eating spaghetti. The pouring of the beer encourages us to look to the future. Pastover encourages us to look to the past. Always remember to remember. This is Pastover.
8. Fast of Edna July 28 – August 9
On July 28, 2017 an unknown Pastafarian woke up an hour earlier than usual knowing that it would be the last day he would eat for twelve days. He ate a little bit of stir fry rice, consumed six ounces of grape juice and sixteen ounces of coffee. During this same time he painted six rocks light blue in color. Later in the morning he bought four sausage biscuits. He at the four sausage patties but discarded the biscuits and left them to be eaten by animals. Later that night he ate a meal with his family. He lived on water only for twelve days. On August 9, 2017 he broke the fast by drinking eight ounces of diluted juice. It was half water, one fourth grape juice and one fourth tomato juice. It was a miserable twelve days. He proved to himself and to others that it is entirely possible to complete a twelve-day water fast. This is the first of our holidays that has been both celebrated and documented. This is also the day that Edna began fasting in 1913. This is a time to remember the wisdom behind resisting a desire for power. Just like Jesus rejected the opportunity to rule the world, Edna rejected the opportunity that the Flying Spaghetti Monster offered her to rule the world. This holiday requires no ritual except for the ambitious at heart that may need an excuse to engage in a long term fast. Always remember to remember. This is the fast of Edna.
XIV. Bobby Henderson – Bobby Henderson is considered the founder of our religion. His hands off approach for leading the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is a mystery to us all. It is almost as if the term “monster” is the most perfect description for our god. It appears as if the Pastafarian movement is much bigger than Bobby Henderson planned. He appears unable to control its momentum. It is a monster per se. Bobby Henderson will always be held in high esteem as our first prophet and the founder of the Pastafarian faith.
XV. Scripture and prophecy – The Loose Canon is the method that we use for assigning scripture. This means that there is a very lax standard for considering something scripture. Our canon can be changed based on the whims of anybody at any time and for any reason. Due to our nondogmatic belief system, scripture really has little value in the Pastafarian tradition. As a matter of prophecy, it has been prophesied that a female named Ashley will be born on December 25, 2391. She will permanently assign a canon of Pastafarian scripture on August 9, 2413 when she establishes the permanent Pastafarian Church.
XVI. Homosexuality – Due to the zeitgeist of the time when Pastafarianism came on the scene it is almost a necessity to address the issue of homosexuality. Religions operating today are having a difficult time reconciling their ancient roots with this newfound view regarding the acceptance of homosexuality as a normal behavior that occurs in some humans. As Pastafarians we do not have this disadvantage. It is our tradition to welcome anyone of the homosexual persuasion to participate in our religion in any way that is beneficial to the greater good of our organization or our society at large.
XVII. Creation – We do no know how the universe was created. Bobby Henderson teaches us that it happened fairly quick and was pretty dull. Some Pastafarian literature delves into this illustration but as an organization we assert that we do not know for sure how it happened.
XVIII. Converting – Becoming a Pastafarian is easy. All you have to do is say, “I am a Pastafarian.” This is the only rite of passage to become Pastafarian. The highest ritual to be performed by any Pastafarian is to have your picture made while wearing a pasta strainer on your head in an official government identification photo. This ritual was started in Austria by Niko Alm in 2009.
XIX. Rhetoric – Speaking things with certainty for the purpose of making a point even though it may be an exaggeration is sometimes necessary when making an argument against opposing forces. The greatest example is for us to assert that the Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe when in fact we do not believe that at all. Rhetoric is an art that is often used in the process of persuading others and should be used sparingly.
XX. Satire – Satire is like rhetoric. The entirety of our religion was created in a spirit of satire. It is likely that this part of our tradition may taint every area of our development as a religion. Satirical people are what we are as Pastafarians. This does not negate our sincerity as devoted Pastafarians.
XXI. Nonsensical assertions – Nonsensical assertions are like rhetoric and satire. Nonsensical assertions should be used when making observations or arguments on matters of comparative religion.
XXII. American Intellectualism – The era and locale in which the Pastafarian religion had its beginnings was limited by the norm of its day. Americans are not intellectuals by virtue. Americans are instead builders or consumers. The era in which Pastafarian enjoyed its infancy was 2005-2025. At that time there were very few intellectuals. Our founding documents may lack the depth and thoroughness of other religious movements of the past. We hope history will take that into consideration and work to elaborate, edit, change, and clarify the traditions of Pastafarianism throughout this 408 year era until Ashley comes to make our church a permanent existence upon the entire future of mankind.
I. Dogma – The basic tenet of Pastafarianism is the rejection of assertions of absoluteness. All things Pastafarian henge on this one concept. This doctrine or nondoctrine obligates us to challenge ideas that do not make sense or may have sinister objectives. The pinnacle of our nondogmatic tradition is the commitment to reject the Flying Spaghetti Monster fully if the proof of his nonexistence is ever to surface. Every Pastafarian is obligated to assert the nonexistence of the Flying Spaghetti Monster when and if this proof ever arises. As Pastafarians we never allow dogmatic claims to go unchecked. We have no dogmatic beliefs. This is problematic, which is why we must rely on paradox and contradictions as part of who we are.
II. Paradox and Contradictions – Every human is guilty of contradicting himself or herself at one time or another. It would be unethical to create a tradition that does not embrace this inevitable part of the human condition. Bobby Henderson predicted, celebrated, and even encouraged the use of paradox to challenge the faith of Pastafarians. This is not a new tactic and is used in other religious traditions worldwide. Contradictions create a beautiful and colorful supplement to the dry and complex nature of philosophy, human nature, and the study of other deep subjects worthy of human inquiry.
III. Explanations of god(s) – In most world religious traditions it is asserted that their particular god created man. Pastafarianism is the opposite. We believe that our god was created by man. Bobby Henderson created our god sometime around 2005. We find it fascinating that other gods throughout the history of time have supernatural powers. These gods are worthy of study and awe. We quietly believe these other gods were likely created by humans as well but this does not stop us from investigating or enjoying the tales of these mighty creatures of old. Even though we may assert our god to be real, this is only a part of our tradition to use rhetoric, satire and nonsensical assertions to make a point or teach complex concepts that require an illustrative tone to ensure understanding to the audience. In all honesty, Pastafarians do not literally believe that the Flying Spaghetti Monster exists except within the realm of literature. We further assert that all gods live within that pantheon of religious literature that can inspire, motivate, comfort, protect, teach, and even help us with our average day to day struggles. Gods most certainly exist but not in the literal sense that a chair or a tree may exist. In short, gods are amazing! Unfortunately, our god is one of the lesser amazing gods in the pantheon.
IV. Purity and morality – In line with the Presbyterian view of our tradition there will always be a debate between ardor and order. Pastafarians traditionally assert to having flimsy moral standards much like a noodle. This is sometimes mischaracterized as low moral standards. Flimsy means that it can be adjusted based on the necessity of the moment. The moral standards can wibble and wobble much like the consistency of a noodle. For example: when in the workplace it is important that you build impeccable trust by behaving in an upright way. When playing video games utilizing a little white lie here and there could give you an advantage over your opponent. In a dire state of survival mode, stealing or lying could be necessary for your own wellbeing. Bobby Henderson tells us that purity is for drinking water, not for man. This belief is certainly beneficial for providing flexibility to individuals to accommodate their own wellbeing. It also leaves little room for living a life filled with guilt. For the purpose of this document, we must return to the discussion of finding a balance between ardor and order. It is necessary for our existence as an organization to have some sort of ethical guide that will take us into the future. The failure of the First Pastafarian Church in Norman Oklahoma could be blamed on low moral standards. The landlord of the property where the First Pastafarian Church congregated received constant and frequent complaints about behavior that was not accepted by mainstream society. We must maintain a certain level of purity and morality as an organization. Order is necessary for our existence.
V. Order – Pastafarians are a free people that reject dogma, shun rules, and even have symbolism that promotes a hedonistic mindset. This is an unfortunate aspect of our religious tradition that undermines our religion as being legitimate. It can even be argued that this lack of order will lead to our demise as a movement. The first point of that argument is the documented failure of the First Pastafarian Church in Norman Oklahoma that was short lived. Because of these weaknesses; we borrow, steal, utilize, parody, or copy from the Presbyterian tradition. When possible, we adopt Book of Order The Constitution of the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.) Part II 2011/2013 to keep us grounded and sustainable. We must be formally organized and have rules for our posterity even though this does create a paradox and contradiction of who we are as Pastafarians. It is of note to Pastafarians that paradoxes and contradictions were predicted, celebrated, and even encouraged in the early writings of Bobby Henderson.
VI. Church/Table defined – The word table and church are used interchangeably throughout this document. It is hoped that one day our organization(s) will be referred to as tables instead of churches but at the time of this writing there is a lack of confidence that this linguistic alteration will ever stick. When seeing the word table do not be confused. It has the same meaning as what we traditionally mean when using the word church.
VII. Tradition
1. Baptist – As part of our heritage we adopt the Baptist tradition of individual table autonomy and a democratic run institution. Individual tables are not subject to any authority or governing body outside of the congregation of that individual table organization. The election of leaders and other administrative personnel is to be made through a democratic process.
2. Presbyterianism – Presbyterians just as Pastafarians promoted the separation of church matters versus government matters. We already share that history together. The church should not rule the state. The state should not rule the church. We also took it a step further and adopted the Book of Order The Constitution of the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.) Part II 2011/2013 as our methodology for solving all matters organizationally related. Furthermore, this document is inspired by John Calvin’s work, The Institutes of the Christian Religion. It is necessary to point out that we are associating our borrowed traditions from the PCUSA sect of the Presbyterian community. PCUSA also engage in the rejection of the dogmatic teaching on the authority and inerrancy of scripture.
3. Mormonism – We encourage the reading of the Book of Mormon for literary inspiration. We do share a tradition with Mormonism that we are a religion created in America by an American. We believe the philosophy of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints could be helpful in inspiring future literature on matters of Pastafarianism.
4. Satanism – Laveyan Satanism also has roots in America. It was created in America by an American. We believe the philosophy of Satanism celebrates the instincts of the human creature and provides insight into a more successful path for living by encouraging the manipulation of one’s environment to maximize achievement. We encourage the reading of works on Satanism for the purpose of utilizing your life to the fullest.
5. Calvinism – John Calvin is celebrated by some as the greatest theologian to ever live. We find it wise to utilize this wisdom to structure our organization where Pastafarian thought is lacking. We seek methods for order from John Calvin’s work, The Institutes of the Christian Religion.
VIII. Our History – Bobby Henderson created the Flying Spaghetti Monster as a satirical concept to challenge the Kansas School Board’s decision to teach creationism as an equally plausible theory on par with the theory of evolution. Later, the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster was written. Sometime after that, the Loose Canon was written. Sometime after that, the First Pastafarian Church in Norman Oklahoma was organized. Sometime after that, the First Pastafarian Church was disbanned. Learning from their failures, it became necessary to create an organizational structure to serve Pastafarians into the future. That is the purpose of this entire document.
IX. On Christ – All religions utilize Christ in their teaching. Jesus Christ is the central figure of Christianity. Buddhists regard Christ as a Bodhisattva, which is a person who gives up the luxury of enlightenment in order to teach others how to find enlightenment. Islam considers Christ a prophet that actually spoke as a newborn infant. The voodoo religion boasts of Christ as the first voodoo priest. The Jews also consider Christ a rabi in their tradition. Pastafarianism is no exception. Bobby Henderson mentions in the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster that if Christ was alive today then he would most certainly be a Pastafarian. The character of Christ is a great inspiration to many cultures and peoples. It would be a disgrace to reject such a powerful source of inspiration. As Pastafarians we love the personage of Jesus Christ of Nazareth and encourage the study of his life and character.
X. Afterlife – In the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Mosnter it is asserted that good people go to Pastafarian Heaven that is filled with beer volcanoes and stripper factories. It is further asserted that bad people go to Pastafarian Hell that is also filled with beer volcanoes and stripper factories, but the beer is stale and the strippers all have venereal diseases. We believe this to be completely false. The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster New Zealand Reformed condemned this heresy and asserted that when we die, we die. We simply cease to exist anymore. There is no afterlife.
XI. Marriage – As a matter of necessity it is encouraged that Pastafarians search outside of our organization and into the mainstream culture on matters of marriage. There is a wide array of cultural niches that have mastered the realm of marital traditions, wedding rituals, and rules on expected marital behavior. It is asserted that ordained ministers of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster are legally capable of performing wedding ceremonies. We take no such position on this matter and recommend relying on mainstream culture on the topic of marriage. We do not condemn the performance of a Pastafarian wedding but do not aspire to adopt this as a normal part of our tradition.
XII. Death – As a matter of necessity it is encouraged that Pastafarians search outside of our organization and into the mainstream culture on matters of death. There is a wide array of cultural niches that have mastered the realm of handling matters of death, funerals, and burial customs. In the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster it is asserted that good people go to Pastafarian Heaven that is filled with beer volcanoes and stripper factories. It is further asserted that bad people go to Pastafarian Hell that is also filled with beer volcanoes and stripper factories but the beer is stale and the strippers all have venereal diseases. We believe this to be completely false. The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster New Zealand Reformed condemned this heresy and asserted that when we die, we die. We simply cease to exist anymore. There is no afterlife. The Pastafarian view on death is grim, uninspiring, and lacking in a colorful display necessary for a celebration of death. We recommend the Pastafarian to rely on the mainstream culture on matters of death. We do not condemn the performance of a Pastafarian funeral but do not aspire to adopt this as a normal part of our tradition.
XIII. Holy Days – No official holidays have been set but here is a list of 8 possible holidays along with descriptions that may be adopted as holidays in the future.
1. Creation Day – August 9
In 1613 this is the day that the Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe that we have learned to enjoy even to this day. Exactly 200 years later on this day, the Flying Spaghetti Monster became exhausted with being ruler of the universe and he offered his reign to an olive tree and a grape vine. Later the Flying Spaghetti Monster had a conversation with a fig tree. He became hungry but could not find the figs. He only found leaves. Exactly one hundred years after that Edna broke a 12 day fast by feasting upon spaghetti with a side of garlic bread. On creation day in 2005 Ashley re-experienced creation. She also ate spaghetti that evening after 7:08pm. Ashley could not find the beer and instead decided to drink bottled water. Creation day requires the eating of olives, grapes, spaghetti, garlic bread, lettuce, and the drinking of bottled water sometime after 7:08 pm. It is forbidden to eat figs or to drink beer on creation day. The Flying Spaghetti Monster was unable to find the figs that day. Ashley could not find the beer that day. Ashley grew up in an alcohol free tradition and she was too young to drink. Always remember to remember. This is creation day.
2. Talk Like a Pirate Day – September 9
Some traditions have an unknown origin. For some reason, talk like a pirate day is a holiday. Draw your own conclusions. Become involved with the tradition to which you are most familiar. Always remember to remember. This is talk like a pirate day.
3. Halloween – October 31
This is a day to celebrate a time when pirates roamed the earth giving candy to children. This is also a time to remember to be charitable to the less fortunate around us. Ashley’s grandmother Mary was born on this day in 1957. She gave Ashley a large sum of money on Halloween each year. Halloween requires the dressing up as a pirate and to act generously at least by giving away candy. In more extravagant acts of generosity it is acceptable to give someone a house, a car, a college education or a years worth of income on Halloween. It would also be acceptable to do all five. Always remember to remember. This is Halloween.
4. Pouring of the Beer – December 26
Mary and Ashley purchased beer on this day in 2012. They later poured it down the drain. This holiday does not have to be celebrated annually. It must be celebrated at least once in a lifetime by purchasing a six pack of beer on this day and pouring it down the drain. It is also required to eat a festive meal of lemon pepper chicken, green beans and mashed potatoes. This meal can be eaten any time that day either after or before the pouring of the beer. This is also a ritual that our messiah will accomplish on December 26, 2412 as a symbol of the coming church that following year on August 9, 2413. Always remember to remember. In this case we also look ahead to the future. Our messiah is coming. This is the reason for the pouring of the beer.
5. Happy Holidays December 8 – January 5
These are delightful times full of joy, happiness, shopping and family gatherings. It is even possible to participate in holiday celebrations from other traditions all around us. This is a special time for us to embrace and enjoy our greatest strength of tolerance and love to all people. Happiness is a choice. We know that, but during Happy Holidays happiness is semi mandatory. You are free to be miserable during Happy Holidays, but it is frowned upon in our tradition. Always remember to remember. This is Happy Holidays.
6. Ramendan – March 1
On this day it is important to eat ramen noodles to remember a time when you were poor. It is a time to celebrate all that you have accomplished since those days. If you have never been poor or haven’t accomplished anything then at least be happy that you are a Pastafarian. Always remember to remember. This is Ramendan.
7. Pastover – April 12
On this day all meals must be eaten while wearing an eye patch. At least one person present for the evening meal should be dressed as a pirate and share an existing story of how our religion began, a true story of how our religion began, a made up story of how our religion began, or a totally foolish story of how our religion began. People love to find an origin to an origin and then find that origin’s origin. This is a day to let your imagination run wild and explore the infinite possibilities for the purpose of life while eating spaghetti. The pouring of the beer encourages us to look to the future. Pastover encourages us to look to the past. Always remember to remember. This is Pastover.
8. Fast of Edna July 28 – August 9
On July 28, 2017 an unknown Pastafarian woke up an hour earlier than usual knowing that it would be the last day he would eat for twelve days. He ate a little bit of stir fry rice, consumed six ounces of grape juice and sixteen ounces of coffee. During this same time he painted six rocks light blue in color. Later in the morning he bought four sausage biscuits. He at the four sausage patties but discarded the biscuits and left them to be eaten by animals. Later that night he ate a meal with his family. He lived on water only for twelve days. On August 9, 2017 he broke the fast by drinking eight ounces of diluted juice. It was half water, one fourth grape juice and one fourth tomato juice. It was a miserable twelve days. He proved to himself and to others that it is entirely possible to complete a twelve-day water fast. This is the first of our holidays that has been both celebrated and documented. This is also the day that Edna began fasting in 1913. This is a time to remember the wisdom behind resisting a desire for power. Just like Jesus rejected the opportunity to rule the world, Edna rejected the opportunity that the Flying Spaghetti Monster offered her to rule the world. This holiday requires no ritual except for the ambitious at heart that may need an excuse to engage in a long term fast. Always remember to remember. This is the fast of Edna.
XIV. Bobby Henderson – Bobby Henderson is considered the founder of our religion. His hands off approach for leading the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is a mystery to us all. It is almost as if the term “monster” is the most perfect description for our god. It appears as if the Pastafarian movement is much bigger than Bobby Henderson planned. He appears unable to control its momentum. It is a monster per se. Bobby Henderson will always be held in high esteem as our first prophet and the founder of the Pastafarian faith.
XV. Scripture and prophecy – The Loose Canon is the method that we use for assigning scripture. This means that there is a very lax standard for considering something scripture. Our canon can be changed based on the whims of anybody at any time and for any reason. Due to our nondogmatic belief system, scripture really has little value in the Pastafarian tradition. As a matter of prophecy, it has been prophesied that a female named Ashley will be born on December 25, 2391. She will permanently assign a canon of Pastafarian scripture on August 9, 2413 when she establishes the permanent Pastafarian Church.
XVI. Homosexuality – Due to the zeitgeist of the time when Pastafarianism came on the scene it is almost a necessity to address the issue of homosexuality. Religions operating today are having a difficult time reconciling their ancient roots with this newfound view regarding the acceptance of homosexuality as a normal behavior that occurs in some humans. As Pastafarians we do not have this disadvantage. It is our tradition to welcome anyone of the homosexual persuasion to participate in our religion in any way that is beneficial to the greater good of our organization or our society at large.
XVII. Creation – We do no know how the universe was created. Bobby Henderson teaches us that it happened fairly quick and was pretty dull. Some Pastafarian literature delves into this illustration but as an organization we assert that we do not know for sure how it happened.
XVIII. Converting – Becoming a Pastafarian is easy. All you have to do is say, “I am a Pastafarian.” This is the only rite of passage to become Pastafarian. The highest ritual to be performed by any Pastafarian is to have your picture made while wearing a pasta strainer on your head in an official government identification photo. This ritual was started in Austria by Niko Alm in 2009.
XIX. Rhetoric – Speaking things with certainty for the purpose of making a point even though it may be an exaggeration is sometimes necessary when making an argument against opposing forces. The greatest example is for us to assert that the Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe when in fact we do not believe that at all. Rhetoric is an art that is often used in the process of persuading others and should be used sparingly.
XX. Satire – Satire is like rhetoric. The entirety of our religion was created in a spirit of satire. It is likely that this part of our tradition may taint every area of our development as a religion. Satirical people are what we are as Pastafarians. This does not negate our sincerity as devoted Pastafarians.
XXI. Nonsensical assertions – Nonsensical assertions are like rhetoric and satire. Nonsensical assertions should be used when making observations or arguments on matters of comparative religion.
XXII. American Intellectualism – The era and locale in which the Pastafarian religion had its beginnings was limited by the norm of its day. Americans are not intellectuals by virtue. Americans are instead builders or consumers. The era in which Pastafarian enjoyed its infancy was 2005-2025. At that time there were very few intellectuals. Our founding documents may lack the depth and thoroughness of other religious movements of the past. We hope history will take that into consideration and work to elaborate, edit, change, and clarify the traditions of Pastafarianism throughout this 408 year era until Ashley comes to make our church a permanent existence upon the entire future of mankind.
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fncceo
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presonorek
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Yes. Except Hinduism.
presonorek
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I have broken down point IX a little bit more so you can see how Christ is celebrated outside of Christianity.
Buddhists regard Christ as a Bodhisattva, which is a person who gives up the luxury of enlightenment in order to teach others how to find enlightenment.
Islam considers Christ a prophet that actually spoke as a newborn infant.
The voodoo religion boasts of Christ as the first voodoo priest.
The Jews also consider Christ a rabi in their tradition.
The character of Christ is a great inspiration to many cultures and peoples.
Thank you a bunch for your interest in the Pastafarian Outline. Pastafarianism is still consider a joke for now and it may remain that way for a few more decades. Any observations you can make to critique this outline would be helpful. The goal is to make Pastafarianism into a religion instead of allowing it to remain as only a joke. I hope that makes sense.
fncceo
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presonorek
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So take that out? Basically the point is that it is a good idea to use Christ as part of Pastafarian teaching. Would you remove just the part about Christ being a Rabi in Judaism or do you recommend removing point IX altogether?
presonorek
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fncceo
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I don’t care what you write about any other faith or belief.. what you believe is on you.
But don’t hold yourself as an authority on Judaism when clearly know nothing about the religion.
presonorek
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Pastafarianism is transitioning out of their phase as a joke and moving into more serious territory of becoming a religion. For now it is all giggles but this outline isn't really focused on the silly parts so that question was left out. The answer to your question is no though. To my knowledge Pastafarians don't congregate so I don't think they serve anything.
Yeah. The Anointed One. The Messiah.
Oh. My error. I had the impression that was where the concept of the anointed and messiah originated.
My bad for not keeping up with Bronze Age Sky Father myths and legends.
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