As I sit here with 'bated breath, waiting for the telecast of the United States Soccer Team's coming match with - who is it? - Ghana? Vatican City? Monte Carlo? - I am forced to revisit my long-held observation that soccer (which the World correctly calls, "FOOTball") is a profoundly dumb sport.
Consider:
All GOOD sports involve some combination of applied strength and Hand&Eye coordination. Most sports also reward things like quickness, speed, dexterity, and ability to do basically the same thing consistently, time after time.
But the focus is on hands and eyes. Hitting a tennis, golf, or base-ball. Shooting a basketball, throwing and catching a football, striking a volleyball with your hands, striking your opponent with your fists. See anything in common?
There is a reason for this pervasive importance of dexterity and hand-eye coordination: this is the highest manifestation of human physical capabilities - whether in sports or otherwise.
On the other hand (sorry), here is a sport in which play is conducted with the same limbs that are used for transportation: the Feet! So in addition to walking or running to the place of the play, you also have to be prepared to kick the ball at the same time. Is this stupid or what?
I freely admit that good FOOTball players are able to astounding things with the ball. But still, compared to what can be done with the hands it's a bit lame. FOOTball is like the "Special Olympics" of team sports: everyone (but the goalie) is handicapped by not being able to use the limbs that God gave us for doing this sort of thing.
Any competent 12-year-old basketball player can shoot the ball ten times more accurately than the best FOOTball player in the world could kick it. Give him ten chances to kick the ball into the basket from the foul line. Better figure on a hundred chances; that's how long it will take him to make a single basket.
The universal popularity of FOOTball does not make it any less stupid. After all, Rod Stewart is an international Rock God. It's simply a game that can be taught from a very early age and people get used to it. And unlike many other sports, you don't have to be a genetic mutant to succeed at the highest level.
The futility of soccer is demonstrated by the fact that the higher the level of competition, the fewer goals are scored. I guarantee that it will be possible to produce a "highlights" film of the coming FIFA World Championship Final Game lasting no more than 30 seconds.
I hope the Brazillians are able to produce the most wonderful tournament in the history of the game, and it is not marred by any criminality, riots, or scandals. And even if it is a stupid game, I hope the Americans do themselves proud - relatively speaking. If they do I will even wear my American Flag shirt when they play to show my support.
Does the team have a name? "Imperialist Bastards," or something?
Consider:
All GOOD sports involve some combination of applied strength and Hand&Eye coordination. Most sports also reward things like quickness, speed, dexterity, and ability to do basically the same thing consistently, time after time.
But the focus is on hands and eyes. Hitting a tennis, golf, or base-ball. Shooting a basketball, throwing and catching a football, striking a volleyball with your hands, striking your opponent with your fists. See anything in common?
There is a reason for this pervasive importance of dexterity and hand-eye coordination: this is the highest manifestation of human physical capabilities - whether in sports or otherwise.
On the other hand (sorry), here is a sport in which play is conducted with the same limbs that are used for transportation: the Feet! So in addition to walking or running to the place of the play, you also have to be prepared to kick the ball at the same time. Is this stupid or what?
I freely admit that good FOOTball players are able to astounding things with the ball. But still, compared to what can be done with the hands it's a bit lame. FOOTball is like the "Special Olympics" of team sports: everyone (but the goalie) is handicapped by not being able to use the limbs that God gave us for doing this sort of thing.
Any competent 12-year-old basketball player can shoot the ball ten times more accurately than the best FOOTball player in the world could kick it. Give him ten chances to kick the ball into the basket from the foul line. Better figure on a hundred chances; that's how long it will take him to make a single basket.
The universal popularity of FOOTball does not make it any less stupid. After all, Rod Stewart is an international Rock God. It's simply a game that can be taught from a very early age and people get used to it. And unlike many other sports, you don't have to be a genetic mutant to succeed at the highest level.
The futility of soccer is demonstrated by the fact that the higher the level of competition, the fewer goals are scored. I guarantee that it will be possible to produce a "highlights" film of the coming FIFA World Championship Final Game lasting no more than 30 seconds.
I hope the Brazillians are able to produce the most wonderful tournament in the history of the game, and it is not marred by any criminality, riots, or scandals. And even if it is a stupid game, I hope the Americans do themselves proud - relatively speaking. If they do I will even wear my American Flag shirt when they play to show my support.
Does the team have a name? "Imperialist Bastards," or something?
