Now We Are OBESE Christians!!

Discussion in 'Humor' started by Adam's Apple, Dec 24, 2005.

  1. Adam's Apple
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    Adam's Apple Senior Member

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    Obese Republican Christian States
    from aceofblood.blogspot

    Whatever happened to the Cardinal (deadly) sins of greed, gluttony and sloth. Has gluttony been downgraded in the Christain faith to some kind of eating disorder or glanduar problem? Has perchance the Vatican purchased shares in Ronnie MacDonnie or the Finger Lickin' Chicken, loosing the chain on vice in order to spur profits?

    If Gluttony is no longer a sin punishable by eternal damnation, have all deceased gluttons, who are now following weight loss programs in the fires of Hell's kitchen, had their sentences commuted?

    There follows a list of the top fat states with their percentage of population in the obese category. It is interesting to note that the top six are all republican states and even more curious to realize that they are also all in the bible belt.

    1 Mississippi, 29.5; 2 Alabama, 28.9; 3 West Virginia, 27.6
    4 Louisiana, 27.0; 5 Arkansas, 26.1; 6 Texas, 25.8

    Is a Bible belt a leather strap, as wide as a common church bible and long enough to girth the hugest texan christian cowboy? Eight inches wide and 8 feet long. 8 by 8 to go with the 4 by 4?

    The real problem with Christian obesity has to do with the popular misconception regarding repentence. It is firmly believed among Christians that if they repent at the moment of death (the qualifier being "sincerely" ) they are granted immediate and unqualified access to the kingdom of heaven. Individuals living enslaved by the demons of sloth, greed and gluttony, can without qualm go to church, pray for salvation and sing the psalms, then go stuff themselves without restraint, sprawled before the television, quaffing cola brew, and tst tsting about the evil of Harry Potter and the degeneracy of Janet's boob without feeling the slightest pang of hypocrisy, knowing full well that theirs is the kingdom.

    A serial killer, a pedophile, a rapist, a terrorist, a torturer, a usurer, a liar, a child abuser can blithely defile humanity at peace in the knowledge that forgiveness is available instantly at the moment of death with two small words "I repent". Sincerely, of course.

    And what about a glutton's confession, assuming somehow they manage to squeeze into the confessional? Are they sincere, really? If they are already salivating over the dozen whoppers they are going to gobble, how can they be absolved of a sin they are about to commit?

    The ability to repent on a dime is a serious handicap to Christian credebility. Suicide is a sin according to Christian faith, punishable by damnation. But what about redemption? What if at the last second, as the killer pulls the trigger on himself, he cries "I REPENT". BOOM! Welcome to the Kingdom of heaven.

    And is not gluttony a slow form of suicide?

    Let us consider for a moment Gastric Reflux Disease, a typical malady of the obese. Note the word disease, which has a connotation of involuntary. Out of the sufferers control - not due to the victim's own actions.

    Consider the following analogy. If we take a pop bottle, fill it to the brim, then tip the bottle over slighty, what happens? Liquid spills out, clearly. Is the bottle defective?

    If the bottle is not defective, then by extension Gastric Reflux cannot be a disease but a condition derived from volition. How was the human vessel over-filled, except by will, or worse desire, craving, lust or gluttony? If there is a disease, it is one of the mind or will.

    Lastly, let us consider ourselves criticising these unfortunate individuals. It is unseemly to call someone grossly overweight or burlesquely fat. It is unkind. It is hurtful. Poor them - it is not their fault. The burgers, chips, fries, chocolates, candies, sweets, pies, cakes, muffins, pops, tarts, donuts, creams - the list is endless - all these goodies hop maliciously into their mouths, and unless we assure them they are truly beautiful, if not aesthetically, at least in spirit, then they plunge gullet first into the nearest Pot of Goop and it is our fault. We are responsible for their condition.

    Or their glands, or their genes. Or the Fast food industry with insidious triple- your-value campaigns. Always somebody else's fault. Never they, the gluttons, are to blame.

    And is it not a crime--not just some silly little sin--but a crime against humanity? As we contemplate starving Ethiopians, can we not ask "Who ate their portion?" Mother Earth surely provided for everyone, except, of course, if 30% of the population heavily armed, with God on their side, is hogging all the grub!

    Posted by Occam's Razor at 3:48 PM
     
  2. KarlMarx
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    KarlMarx Senior Member

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    The universities and news media have done a superb job. They've managed to poison the minds of a generation with hatred and indoctrinated them in their way of thinking.

    Tolerance and diversity, my foot. I wonder when they'll start feeding us to the lions again.
     
  3. Abbey Normal
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    Abbey Normal Senior Member

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    Battle lines have been drawn.
     
  4. dilloduck
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    dilloduck Diamond Member

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    Sad, isn't it? I guess anyone with a goal who hasnt reached it will be chastised for hypocrisy. I wonder if all secularists are completely purged of all spiritual components?
     
  5. Hobbit
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    Hobbit Senior Member

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    The data's even false. Here's the top five fattest states.

    # Mississippi (25.9 percent obesity prevalence)
    # West Virginia (24.6 percent)
    # Michigan (24.4 percent)
    # Kentucky (24.2 percent)
    # Indiana (24 percent)

    The only one they got right was Mississippi. The rest aren't even in the Bible Belt. I mean, I knew something was fishy when I saw Arkansas on the list, but not Kentucky. Arkansas may have some fat people, but they've also got a whole lot of skinny half-Indians.

    http://www.mercola.com/2003/oct/8/obesity_usa.htm
     
  6. archangel
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    archangel Guest

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    Lions have a "Liberal" diet..I'm sure they would prefer eating a tasty 'Jackass'
    then to try to take down a 'Elephant'! :cof:
     

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