- Oct 31, 2012
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The people of East Palestine Ohio have yet to receive any federal aid after a horrific train accident spewed mountains of toxic fumes over the city killing animals all around the area. However, Mike DeWine and Joe Biden seemingly had forsaken the Trump voting people of East Palestine Ohio, until yesterday when Biden signed an Executive Order to give them $100 billion in aid.
"How was I to know that the bill was for Ohio and not Gaza", declared the often-confused President. "Tell you what, the people of East Palestine Ohio can keep their money if they agree to declare a jihad on Jews in the area", as his mic suddenly went dead, and he was dragged off the stage.
Merick Garland then walked on the stage and proclaimed, "What the President meant to say is that the federal government cares about the people of East Palestine Ohio and wants them to keep their $100 billion, but just be aware that the 89,000 new IRS agents hired and who are armed may have an issue with them keeping all that money."
"Thank you President Biden!!, exclaimed a local who was interviewed. "We thought you had forgotten about us since you promised to visit us but never did and just left us for dead. Say, does anyone know any good accountants, it sure would be nice to be able to keep some of this money that we desperately need to help us survive."
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