Is your child a Goth? (funny!)

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Dan, Jul 1, 2005.

  1. Dan
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    Dan Senior Member

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    Hopefully, I'm not offending anyone, but this is hilarious. It starts out well enough, but once it gets further down, it really goes off the deep end. Check out the cereal one, that's my favorite.


    If Your Child is a Gothic, Reform Through the Lord!

    Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if
    your child may have gone astray from the Lord. Gothic
    (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous
    culture that young teenagers are prone to
    participating in.
    The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into
    an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence.
    Please seek immediate attention through counselling,
    prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of
    Satan's temptations if five or more of the following
    are applicable to your child:

    -Frequently wears black clothing.
    -Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
    -Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or
    nailpolish.
    -Wears any odd, silver jewelry or symbols. Some of
    these include: reversed crosses, pentagrams,
    pentacles, ankhs or various other Satanic worshipping
    symbols.
    -Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
    -Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of
    music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ,
    and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard
    any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
    -Associates with other people that dress, act or speak
    eccentrically.
    -Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities,
    such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.
    -Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires,
    magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that
    involves Satan.
    -Takes drugs.
    -Drinks alcohol.
    -Is suicidal and/or depressed.
    -Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of
    self-mutilation. (This is a Satanic ritual that uses
    pain to detract from the light of God and His love.
    Please seek immediate attention for this at your local
    mental health center.)
    -Complains of boredom.
    -Sleeps too excessively or too little.
    -Is excessively awake during the night.
    -Dislikes sunlight or any other form of light. (This
    pertains to vampires promoting the idea that His light
    is of no use.)
    -Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
    -Spends large amounts of time alone.
    -Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that
    your child may speak to evil sprits through
    meditation.)
    -Insists on spending time with friends while
    unaccompanied by an adult.
    -Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns
    and elders are but a few examples of this.
    -Misbehaves at school.
    -Misbehaves at home.
    -Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an
    example of this.
    -Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking
    blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan.
    This act is very
    dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)
    -Watches cable television or any other corrupted media
    sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs
    that your
    child may watch.)
    -Plays videos games that contains violence or are of a
    role-playing nature.
    -Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes
    time for the computer.
    -Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to
    music.
    -Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
    -Expresses an interest in sex.
    -Masturbates
    -Is homosexual and/or bisexual.
    -Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include:
    Satanism, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and
    Buddhism.
    -Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains
    these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe
    is me", "I'm a goth".
    -Claims to be a goth.

    If five or more of these apply to your child, please
    intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous
    and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems
    persist, enlist your child into your local mental
    health center.

    ~St. Mary's Catholic Church
     
  2. GotZoom
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    GotZoom Senior Member

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    OMG - 10 (maybe 11; I'll never tell).

    I"M A GOTH!
     
  3. Dan
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    Dan Senior Member

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    Yeah, here's the ones that apply to me...

    -Frequently wears black clothing.
    -Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
    -Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of
    music.
    -Associates with other people that dress, act or speak
    eccentrically.
    -Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities,
    such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.
    -Drinks alcohol.
    -Sleeps too excessively or too little.
    -Is excessively awake during the night.
    -Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
    -Spends large amounts of time alone.
    -Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that
    your child may speak to evil sprits through
    meditation.)
    -Insists on spending time with friends while
    unaccompanied by an adult.
    -Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns
    and elders are but a few examples of this.
    -Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an
    example of this.
    -Watches cable television or any other corrupted media
    sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs
    that your
    child may watch.)
    -Plays videos games that contains violence or are of a
    role-playing nature.
    -Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes
    time for the computer.
    -Expresses an interest in sex.
    -Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include:
    Satanism, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and
    Buddhism. (I'm interested in philosophy, which isn't a religion, BTW)


    I'm a full-on goth, I guess.
     
  4. GotZoom
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    GotZoom Senior Member

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    I feel better now. Your list has much more than 10 (11).

    Whew....
     
  5. Dan
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    Dan Senior Member

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    :D Aside from listening to some Marilyn Manson and H.I.M., there's nothing goth about me whatsoever.
     
  6. gaffer
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    gaffer Member

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    Five or more would apply to every teenager since the 50's.

    And everyone of any other age as well.

    Drinking beer makes you goth?

    :dev2:
     
  7. Dan
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    Dan Senior Member

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    This is true. Some of them apply to every child ever. Then they have some like this:

    If you KNOW you're kid is drinking blood, aren't you past the point of "is my kid a goth?" to "my kid is definitely a psycho!" It's funny that goths (well, the average goth these days, anyway) are probably the most passive groups of people out there.

    I also like that, after all these things, here's a definite way to tell if your kid is a goth:

    I wonder if this thing is real, it really cracks me up every time I read it.
     
  8. Shattered
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    Ahem.

    <b>16</b>. I'm SUCH a bad child.
     
  9. no1tovote4
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    no1tovote4 VIP Member

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    Um, Buddhism is a "Cult" religion?

    :smoke:
     
  10. Dan
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    Dan Senior Member

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    Yep, so is philosophy!
     

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