I miss my sister

[Gracie]

Drifter....
I'm so sorry. And I'm sorry today were the family doing what they did. Maybe they just needed venting, not considering the pain they were causing each other.
Your sister is at peace now, sweety. And she is not really gone. Do you sometimes feel her presence? A small hint of scent, our a light breeze brushing back your hair? Maybe feeling a soft whisper of touch and when you look down thinking it's a butterfly or a bee or a blade of grass?
She is with you, honey. She will always be with you.

No. The only time I did was the night she died. The night she died I had a dream about her. In real life we had been in a disagreement and weren't speaking. I haden't seen her in a while. In my dream she had cut her hair very short and I remember seeing picture of her with short hair she was showing them to me on my computer in my dream. But in real life she had Long hair. The next day after that dream, I found out about her suicide attempt and I had to fly out of town to the hospital . When I got there and saw her, she had cut all her hair off real short just like in my dream.

Ever since they removed her from life support I haven't felt her. Today was really upsetting because I already feel bad about it, so I don't need people to blame me or anyone else for what happened.

She is in your heart. She moved into the light and is at peace.
Why would someone would blame you??? People who commit suicide are suffering mental anguish of their own. None of you could stop what she had her mind set to do. All you can do now is love her, keep her memory close, feel she is at peace and know you will see her again some day.
I'll light a candle for you, honey.

 

[orogenicman]

I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot say that I understand exactly how you must feel as I have never experienced a close brother or sister committing suicide though I did have a cousin who was a priest who killed himself. I have lost many loved ones over the years, and although it is expected as one ages, it is never easy when it happens. I recently lost a grandson, and am still grieving over that loss. Just know that you aren't alone. It might also help to get some grief counseling. Good luck.

Thanks! Today was the anniversary of the suicide, what was meant as a happy share in our family just went awry and feelings got hurt. I am just hoping for some peace, some healing for all of us.

I am really sorry about your grandson, I can't even imagine what you are feeling. All Loss of a loved one hurts. It just does and the only thing that seems to help me is to talk about it or to have others pray who believe in that sort of thing.

Thanks. He was my first, and (though I'm not supposed to say) my favorite grandson. He was 20 years old. His loss was sudden and utterly devastating. He was a sophomore engineering student at Middle Tennessee, and had a great future ahead of him. He was very smart, funny, and very carrying. It has been about eight months, and still stings to think about it. Everybody loved him. The school even flew it's flag at half mast for a week, which is something I've never seen a college do before.

Sudden deaths are so shocking, and hard to come to terms with. It was not that long ago for you either, so I imagine you are in deep grief and I am so sorry for your pain too.

Yeah, it has happened twice in my family. My older brother lost a son to a house fire back in the late 1970s. That little boy was only 7. My mother really lost it there for a while. Then my grandson died. He was the light of my life, so now I really do understand what my mother and my brother went through. Day by day. That's all we can do.

It's very hard, and it changes you forever. I am not even the same person I used to be, I am way more careful and cautious and I also have a fear of people I get close to dying, I don;t want to lose anyone.

In 2002, I had a real life changing event happen to me. My then-wife had a nervous breakdown due to the stressful job she had (she also has OCD). In the middle of dealing with her situation, my mother had a major stroke (I was the one who found her laying on her dining room floor). She was in a nursing home for four months before she died. During that time, I had a co-worker, someone I was very close to, die. Then my closest aunt (a sister my mother was very clost to) died of alzheimers. Then two weeks before my mother died, my favorite niece died suddenly (and her father died two days later of lung cancer). Then my mother died. All in four months. I spend more time in funeral homes than anywhere else during that time. And all the time, I had to take care of my wife, which was in very bad shape. She got better though and although we are divorced now, she has been doing well, at least until our grandson died. I do worry about her, because I know she took it very hard. Anyway, sometimes when it rains, it pours.

 

[Michelle420]

Drifter....
I'm so sorry. And I'm sorry today were the family doing what they did. Maybe they just needed venting, not considering the pain they were causing each other.
Your sister is at peace now, sweety. And she is not really gone. Do you sometimes feel her presence? A small hint of scent, our a light breeze brushing back your hair? Maybe feeling a soft whisper of touch and when you look down thinking it's a butterfly or a bee or a blade of grass?
She is with you, honey. She will always be with you.

No. The only time I did was the night she died. The night she died I had a dream about her. In real life we had been in a disagreement and weren't speaking. I haden't seen her in a while. In my dream she had cut her hair very short and I remember seeing picture of her with short hair she was showing them to me on my computer in my dream. But in real life she had Long hair. The next day after that dream, I found out about her suicide attempt and I had to fly out of town to the hospital . When I got there and saw her, she had cut all her hair off real short just like in my dream.

Ever since they removed her from life support I haven't felt her. Today was really upsetting because I already feel bad about it, so I don't need people to blame me or anyone else for what happened.

She is in your heart. She moved into the light and is at peace.
Why would someone would blame you??? People who commit suicide are suffering mental anguish of their own. None of you could stop what she had her mind set to do. All you can do now is love her, keep her memory close, feel she is at peace and know you will see her again some day.
I'll light a candle for you, honey.

I think they are under an impression that people just didn't do enough. I don;t really know why, because all of us did the best we could. It's just a hard situation and real overwhelming and all of us feel bad, so nobody wants to also have to feel like we're being blamed on top of it all. I don't know.

Yes light a candle for me, please. Hold good thoughts, I don't want to be sad anymore I want to heal from my pain I want to feel better.

 

[Michelle420]

Thanks! Today was the anniversary of the suicide, what was meant as a happy share in our family just went awry and feelings got hurt. I am just hoping for some peace, some healing for all of us.

I am really sorry about your grandson, I can't even imagine what you are feeling. All Loss of a loved one hurts. It just does and the only thing that seems to help me is to talk about it or to have others pray who believe in that sort of thing.

Thanks. He was my first, and (though I'm not supposed to say) my favorite grandson. He was 20 years old. His loss was sudden and utterly devastating. He was a sophomore engineering student at Middle Tennessee, and had a great future ahead of him. He was very smart, funny, and very carrying. It has been about eight months, and still stings to think about it. Everybody loved him. The school even flew it's flag at half mast for a week, which is something I've never seen a college do before.

Sudden deaths are so shocking, and hard to come to terms with. It was not that long ago for you either, so I imagine you are in deep grief and I am so sorry for your pain too.

Yeah, it has happened twice in my family. My older brother lost a son to a house fire back in the late 1970s. That little boy was only 7. My mother really lost it there for a while. Then my grandson died. He was the light of my life, so now I really do understand what my mother and my brother went through. Day by day. That's all we can do.

It's very hard, and it changes you forever. I am not even the same person I used to be, I am way more careful and cautious and I also have a fear of people I get close to dying, I don;t want to lose anyone.

In 2002, I had a real life changing event happen to me. My then-wife had a nervous breakdown due to the stressful job she had (she also has OCD). In the middle of dealing with her situation, my mother had a major stroke (I was the one who found her laying on her dining room floor). She was in a nursing home for four months before she died. During that time, I had a co-worker, someone I was very close to, die. Then my closest aunt (a sister my mother was very clost to) died of alzheimers. Then two weeks before my mother died, my favorite niece died suddenly (and her father died two days later of lung cancer). Then my mother died. All in four months. I spend more time in funeral homes than anywhere else during that time. And all the time, I had to take care of my wife, which was in very bad shape. She got better though and although we are divorced now, she has been doing well, at least until our grandson died. I do worry about her, because I know she took it very hard. Anyway, sometimes when it rains, it pours.

You have been through alot, and it is overwhelming. Society just expects people to move on and get over things, but when you lose a loved one, you can't always just do that, there is still alot of hurt and it takes time to get over. When you have multiple deaths like that it's like a shock overload, you are still grieving one person and then another dies and then another.

My cousin dad and sister all in a years time and our family just still dealing with it.

I hope people really send you and Skye comfort tonight too. We all should send as much love as we can to each other. I hope our pain subsides, I want to feel better.

 

[Gracie]

Drifter....
I'm so sorry. And I'm sorry today were the family doing what they did. Maybe they just needed venting, not considering the pain they were causing each other.
Your sister is at peace now, sweety. And she is not really gone. Do you sometimes feel her presence? A small hint of scent, our a light breeze brushing back your hair? Maybe feeling a soft whisper of touch and when you look down thinking it's a butterfly or a bee or a blade of grass?
She is with you, honey. She will always be with you.

No. The only time I did was the night she died. The night she died I had a dream about her. In real life we had been in a disagreement and weren't speaking. I haden't seen her in a while. In my dream she had cut her hair very short and I remember seeing picture of her with short hair she was showing them to me on my computer in my dream. But in real life she had Long hair. The next day after that dream, I found out about her suicide attempt and I had to fly out of town to the hospital . When I got there and saw her, she had cut all her hair off real short just like in my dream.

Ever since they removed her from life support I haven't felt her. Today was really upsetting because I already feel bad about it, so I don't need people to blame me or anyone else for what happened.

She is in your heart. She moved into the light and is at peace.
Why would someone would blame you??? People who commit suicide are suffering mental anguish of their own. None of you could stop what she had her mind set to do. All you can do now is love her, keep her memory close, feel she is at peace and know you will see her again some day.
I'll light a candle for you, honey.

I think they are under an impression that people just didn't do enough. I don;t really know why, because all of us did the best we could. It's just a hard situation and real overwhelming and all of us feel bad, so nobody wants to also have to feel like we're being blamed on top of it all. I don't know.

Yes light a candle for me, please. Hold good thoughts, I don't want to be sad anymore I want to heal from my pain I want to feel better.

It's been lit since I posted I would, hon. Grief takes time and eventually, it will not hurt so bad. You will never forget that pain, but it won't be as bad as it is now. And yes, you will have your up and down days. Just think of her with love and know she IS safe now...and at peace. I know...empty words, but I hope you find some peace yourself soon.

 

[Michelle420]

Drifter....
I'm so sorry. And I'm sorry today were the family doing what they did. Maybe they just needed venting, not considering the pain they were causing each other.
Your sister is at peace now, sweety. And she is not really gone. Do you sometimes feel her presence? A small hint of scent, our a light breeze brushing back your hair? Maybe feeling a soft whisper of touch and when you look down thinking it's a butterfly or a bee or a blade of grass?
She is with you, honey. She will always be with you.

No. The only time I did was the night she died. The night she died I had a dream about her. In real life we had been in a disagreement and weren't speaking. I haden't seen her in a while. In my dream she had cut her hair very short and I remember seeing picture of her with short hair she was showing them to me on my computer in my dream. But in real life she had Long hair. The next day after that dream, I found out about her suicide attempt and I had to fly out of town to the hospital . When I got there and saw her, she had cut all her hair off real short just like in my dream.

Ever since they removed her from life support I haven't felt her. Today was really upsetting because I already feel bad about it, so I don't need people to blame me or anyone else for what happened.

She is in your heart. She moved into the light and is at peace.
Why would someone would blame you??? People who commit suicide are suffering mental anguish of their own. None of you could stop what she had her mind set to do. All you can do now is love her, keep her memory close, feel she is at peace and know you will see her again some day.
I'll light a candle for you, honey.

I think they are under an impression that people just didn't do enough. I don;t really know why, because all of us did the best we could. It's just a hard situation and real overwhelming and all of us feel bad, so nobody wants to also have to feel like we're being blamed on top of it all. I don't know.

Yes light a candle for me, please. Hold good thoughts, I don't want to be sad anymore I want to heal from my pain I want to feel better.

It's been lit since I posted I would, hon. Grief takes time and eventually, it will not hurt so bad. You will never forget that pain, but it won't be as bad as it is now. And yes, you will have your up and down days. Just think of her with love and know she IS safe now...and at peace. I know...empty words, but I hope you find some peace yourself soon.

Not empty words, any comfort is appreciated! I was ok today, I think the trigger was that family thing. I just want us all to heal and feel better and I don't want people blaming others because it's unfair and hurtful. It was just a bad day. I know tomorrow will be better, I just got shaken.

Thank You for all your support, it does make me feel like someone cares and it helps.

 

[Gracie]

Give it a few months, then tell the family what you said to us...your online family.
"No more blaming anyone because it is unfair and hurtful. We need to heal as a family and know she is at peace...let's be at peace as well". Then if they continue with the hurtful words and accusations, avoid them. They will know where you stand.
Free yourself as much as you can. Things will eventually ease up but nobody can really say when. Just do the best you can, Drifter.
Hugs

 

[orogenicman]

Thanks. He was my first, and (though I'm not supposed to say) my favorite grandson. He was 20 years old. His loss was sudden and utterly devastating. He was a sophomore engineering student at Middle Tennessee, and had a great future ahead of him. He was very smart, funny, and very carrying. It has been about eight months, and still stings to think about it. Everybody loved him. The school even flew it's flag at half mast for a week, which is something I've never seen a college do before.

Sudden deaths are so shocking, and hard to come to terms with. It was not that long ago for you either, so I imagine you are in deep grief and I am so sorry for your pain too.

Yeah, it has happened twice in my family. My older brother lost a son to a house fire back in the late 1970s. That little boy was only 7. My mother really lost it there for a while. Then my grandson died. He was the light of my life, so now I really do understand what my mother and my brother went through. Day by day. That's all we can do.

It's very hard, and it changes you forever. I am not even the same person I used to be, I am way more careful and cautious and I also have a fear of people I get close to dying, I don;t want to lose anyone.

In 2002, I had a real life changing event happen to me. My then-wife had a nervous breakdown due to the stressful job she had (she also has OCD). In the middle of dealing with her situation, my mother had a major stroke (I was the one who found her laying on her dining room floor). She was in a nursing home for four months before she died. During that time, I had a co-worker, someone I was very close to, die. Then my closest aunt (a sister my mother was very clost to) died of alzheimers. Then two weeks before my mother died, my favorite niece died suddenly (and her father died two days later of lung cancer). Then my mother died. All in four months. I spend more time in funeral homes than anywhere else during that time. And all the time, I had to take care of my wife, which was in very bad shape. She got better though and although we are divorced now, she has been doing well, at least until our grandson died. I do worry about her, because I know she took it very hard. Anyway, sometimes when it rains, it pours.

You have been through alot, and it is overwhelming. Society just expects people to move on and get over things, but when you lose a loved one, you can't always just do that, there is still alot of hurt and it takes time to get over. When you have multiple deaths like that it's like a shock overload, you are still grieving one person and then another dies and then another.

My cousin dad and sister all in a years time and our family just still dealing with it.

I hope people really send you and Skye comfort tonight too. We all should send as much love as we can to each other. I hope our pain subsides, I want to feel better.

It takes time. I am over what happened to me in 2002. It is just that what happened to my grandson has brought those feelings back to a degree. I hope you find the peace of mind that you are looking for. I know it will come in time.

 

[Alex.]

I am sorry Drifter, the shared experiences, the good time and bad, talking about those things you would never tell another soul. I expect to lose my parents no matter how close, but not a sibling. When my brother died it was surreal and is now and empty hole that will never be filled. His death was not from natural causes which makes it even more difficult.

I enjoy talking about him to my friends who knew him and laughing at the fun times and then just when I am alone thanking God for blessing me with this person who was my brother.


Sounds like your sister was like that to you and I hope you feel that joy when you share about her!

 

[Moonglow]

Life is about being on the edge of death..

 

[orogenicman]

I am sorry Drifter, the shared experiences, the good time and bad, talking about those things you would never tell another soul. I expect to lose my parents no matter how close, but not a sibling. When my brother died it was surreal and is now and empty hole that will never be filled. His death was not from natural causes which makes it even more difficult.

I enjoy talking about him to my friends who knew him and laughing at the fun times and then just when I am alone thanking God for blessing me with this person who was my brother.


Sounds like your sister was like that to you!

Sorry for your loss.