How About a Joke Thread ?

[Dr.Destructo]

Have you heard about the new Bulldog, Shih Tzu hybrid dog?



They're dubbing it, the BullShitz

 

[App'z]

 

[Grogu]

One day, Moses, Jesus and a old man were playing golf. They got to a water hole, and Moses was up to tee off first. So, he took his shot, and it landed squarely in the water. But Moses parted the water, took another shot, and landed next to the cup.

Jesus was up next, and his shot ended up close to the same place. But Jesus walked out onto the water, and took anouther shot. He landed even closer to the cup.

The old man stepped up, and took his shot. He also landed in almost the same spot, in the middle of the water. But a frog came by, and picked up the ball. It started to hop away when an eagle came swooping down on it, carrying it over the green. As it flew over, the frog dropped the ball. The ball then rolled into the hole for a perfect hole in one.

Moses then turns to Jesus and says, "I hate playing golf with your Dad."

 

[App'z]

One day an at home Harms wife is alone and the doorbell rings. She opens it to a guy, "Hi, is Harm at home?"
The Shirley replies, "No, he went to the store, but you can wait here if you want." So they sit down and after a
while of silence the friend says, "You know, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a $100
bucks, just to see one." She thinks about it for a second and figures, what the hell - a hundred bucks is a Hundred!
Shirley opens her robe and shows one to him for a few seconds. He promptly thanks her and puts a $100 on
the table. They sit there a while longer and guy then says, "That was so amazing I've got to see both of them.
I'll give you another $100 if I could just see the both of them together." She is amazed by the offer sits and
thinks a bit about it and why not, $200 is $200? So, she opens her robe and gives Chris a nice long chance to cop a look.

After a bit Chris says, "I guess I will be going, maybe visit Harm another time." A while later Harm arrives back home from the store. (He had stopped off to BS with some friend at the Bar) -- Shirley goes up to him, "You know, your friend Chris came over." Well; Harm thinks about it for a second and says, "Did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?"
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[App'z]

One day 2 friends meet at an intersection with a loud Caca Crunch-bang.
The 2 angry men get out of their mangled car and beseech each other.
"Why are you in such a great hurry to go through this flood water that you wreck me?"
Jerome thinks about that for some time and says, "So, Look We couldn't help it, it's in our nature!"
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And we thought we had Nature all figured out, did we?

 

[g5000]

Three men party all night at a bar and meet around the water cooler the next day at work.

The first man says, "I was so drunk last night, when I got home I blew chunks on the living room carpet."

The second man says, "That's nothing. I got so drunk last night that my wife and I got into a big fight and she made me sleep on the couch. She said if I get that drunk again, she wants a divorce."

The third man says, "That's nothing. I got so drunk last night I couldn't see straight and got pulled over for a DUI. I'm probably going to lose my license!"

The first man says, "Guys! Guys! You don't understand! My dog's name is Chunks!"

 

[App'z]

A registered nurse who works in an ER, walks into a bank totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift.
Preparing to write a check, she pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse and tries to write with it.
When she realizes her mistake, she looks at the flabbergasted teller and without missing a beat says,
"Well, that’s great… just great……Some as$hole's got my pen!"
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[App'z]

A husband comes home to his Shirley after some drinks and stands swaying before her. She sees that his pants are ripped, his legs are bloody and he has bruises on his knuckles. Oddly though, everything above his waist seems perfectly fine. Wife: "Oh no… What’s happened to you this time?" "It was nothin’, right?"

"Jus’ got in this teeny, little fender-bender after leaving the Strip bar." "Barely scratched the bumper of the car in front of me." "So I get out of the car, and the other driver does too, an’ it’s this dwarf. And he’s all looking’ at the scratch and
shaken his lil’ head and making’ these lil’ notes on this lil’ pad.

And I’m jus’ like dumbfounded at the whole scene, right? And then finally, he comes up to me, gives me the evil eye and says," “I am not happy.” So I says, “Oh yeah? Then which one of ‘em are you then?” …and that’s when the fight started. ......
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