How About a Joke Thread ?

[App'z]

 

[Captain Caveman]

According to the UK government, the Chinese are now cyber hacking ordinary people and even editing their social media posts.

But this no true. Just vely bad rumour. China ok

 

[Ringo]

My neighbor finished writing a book called "How to Make Money". Now he needs money to publish it.

Have him read the book.

 

[App'z]

 

[Ringo]

- And I watched porn with my wife last night.
You're supposed to say, "My wife and I watched porn last night."
- No. I watched porn with my wife last night.

Theorem:
A sausage sandwich is better than eternal love.
Proof:
What is better than eternal love? Nothing. And a sandwich is better than nothing.

 

[App'z]

Its been raining now for days. The rivers and creeks are flooded.
The City streets are pools of water.Cars splash slowly through them.
People on their way to work or home, no stop lights work.

After days of flooding the people start to become complacent.
They know eventually the waters will recede and things will get back to normal.

One day two friends and a stranger meet at an intersection with a loud Caca Crunch-bang.
The angry men get out of their mangled car and beseech each other.
"Why are you in such a great hurry to go through this flood water that you wreck us?"
Well Jerome thinks about that for some time and says, "So, Look We couldn't help it, it's in our nature!"
__________________________________________________ _________________________
And we thought we had Nature all figured out, did we?

____________________________________________
Short nights await the tired for the rest of the summer ahead!

 

[App'z]

 

[App'z]

Harry is having a tough day and in his frustration, he cries in despair,
"I would give anything for a birdie on this hole."
His Caddy walks over and says, "If you give up one quarter of your sex life,
I can guarantee you will make this next Golf shot."

Harry, now desperate says, "OK." & He makes the shot for birdie.
A few holes later, he's having trouble on another hole.

"Please, let me make this for eagle" An again his Caddy
for the Day says to him, "If you give up another quarter of your sex life,
can make eagle." "You're on," Harry says, and makes the shot for eagle.
On the eighteenth hole he needs a hole in one to win the match play tournament.
Lil Johnnys caddy for hire a day goes up to Harry & says, "If you give up the last
half of your sex life, you will make this shot to win."

"OK, I will take the wager" he says and makes a Hole in One winning the match.
As he's walking back to the clubhouse, the Caddy walked up beside him and says,
"I think I should inform you that I am the Devil and from now on you will have no sex life."
Harry says with a smile, "Nice to Meet you Devil, I'm Father Harry Cunningham!"
__________________________________________________ ______
Lots of seemingly strange marriages are going on.

 

[App'z]

The newlywed farmer and his wife are visited by her mother.
She immediately wants to see most of their home.

The is genuinely friendly to his new mother-in-law,
hoping that it will be a friendly, non-antagonistic relationship.

But to no avail, she keeps nagging them at every opportunity,
demanding changes, offering unwanted advice and
making life unbearable for the farmer and his new bride.

When they walk through the barn, the mule "Sara" rears up and
kicks the mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly.

At the funeral service a few days later,
They stand near the casket and greet the people as they walk by.
The pastor noticed that whenever a Lady would whisper
something to them they nod their heads and says something.

Whenever a man walks by and whispers to the farmer,
he shakes his head and mumbles a reply.

Very curious as to this bizarre behavior,
the pastor later asks them, "what's that all about."

The farmer replies, "the women say, 'what a terrible tragedy' and
I nod my head and say, "yes, it was." The men ask me, "can I borrow that mule and
I have to shake my head and say":

"Sorry, I can't do it...Sara's booked up for a year..."
___________________________________________
Former generations searched for knowledge;
the current generation has knowledge coming down on them from a Pipe.
It's still a **** drenching experience.

 

[App'z]

Understanding warrantees will always have a way to get Extended ineffectually is Wisdom.

 

[Captain Caveman]

Jewish dilemma.....

Half price Easter eggs in Walmart

 

[App'z]

 

[Ringo]

The scary part is when they give you a video when you ask: "What happened yesterday?"

It's worse, when they send you a link to YouTube.

It's even worse, when they send you a link to PornHub.

 

[Ringo]

How did you achieve success?
You see, the most important thing is not money, not social benefits, not being settled in life, the most important thing is to give all of yourself to your work, to your enterprise, even if it doesn't bring you money now, to work to the last! Only for the good of the common cause!
And when you accepted this thought, did it lead you to success?
No, I instilled this idea in my employees.

 

[Captain Caveman]

A Red Indian introduced me to his wife and said, "This is four horses".

I replied, "Wow, what a beautiful name, what does it mean?".

He said, "Fucking nag, nag, nag, nag"

 

[whoisit]

A man on the street said he was so hungry, he hadn't had a bite in a week, so I bit him.

 

[App'z]

Poetry Competition was held in the Baton Rouge had come down to two finalists;
A) An LSU graduate. ..... B) Boudreaux.

They were given a word, and then allowed two minutes to study the word and
come up with a short four line poem that contained the word.
The word they were given was ' TIMBUKTU '.

First to recite his poem was the LSU graduate. He stepped to the microphone
and said: Slowly across the desert sand, Trekked a lonely caravan' Men on camels,
two by two, Destination - Timbuktu

The crowd went crazy !. No way could Boudreaux top that, they thought.
Boudreaux calmly made his way to the microphone and recited;

Me and Tim a huntin' went. Met three hoes in a pop up tent.
They were three, and we were two. So, I bucked one, and Timbuktu .
Boudreaux won.
______________________________________________________________________________________

 

[Grogu]

What’s the difference between the Mafia and the IRS?

One’s Italian and one’s a crook.

 

[App'z]

I'm thinking about it! ...

Ok, Ok you got me there! ...

 

[Captain Caveman]

How many transexuals does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They were always a lightbulb and we are going to throw a parade to show our support.