Would you forgive

[Immanuel]

Yes, I would forgive her without a doubt. I would not be happy about the affair, but I would forgive her.

Immie

Immie, I know you and forgiveness. With that stated, would you continue the marriage and/or trust again?

Yes, I would continue the marriage. The trust question is a little bit more difficult to answer. I think it would depend on the circumstances of the affair.

However, I'd look at the eligible females that I know in a much different light than I do now.

Immie

 

[Annie]

Having been a dolt in my marriage, I'll say no. My ex was a serial philander, but having 3 kids in 4 years made it hard to keep tabs on him. It seemed we had it all, plenty of money, stay at home mom, very involved in schools and community, 3 lovely, but challenging children.

I'd been aware that he'd had serious issues in the past, including depression. Highly intelligent people often do, and he was very intelligent. Also very good looking. He came from a most dysfunctional Jewish family, again very intelligent, (nuclear physicist father/pharmacist researcher mother, brother, a pill addicted doctor). He had his MS at 20 and self taught himself computer stuff in late 70's/early 80's. He became head of IT at AT&T. Comfortable life. Oh, did I mention he played in bands evenings/weekends? That's where he picked up the girls.

I guess I was willingly clueless. I had the kids, school stuff, politics, family. Since messing around just wasn't something I considered, it never crossed my mind. When my youngest was 5, Mr genius didn't come home one night from a gig. Blow up! He claimed to have fallen asleep at another member's home, which the other confirmed. We separated for about 3 months-where I heard from everyone from my mom, to friends, to dentist, to auto mechanic that it was a very good thing. We reconciled. I guess I wasn't that 'clueless' as I didn't get mad at what anyone had said. Stayed together another 4 years, with plenty of repeats, but I guess I just wasn't ready. Then I was. He wasn't. He dragged out the divorce for 4 years.

Never again.

Fair turn about, he's got two little ones now, but looks like this wife is taking him to the mat. Good for her. She was cheating, so was he, but she has the kids and he has the past.

 

[Annie]

Yes, I would forgive her without a doubt. I would not be happy about the affair, but I would forgive her.

Immie

Immie, I know you and forgiveness. With that stated, would you continue the marriage and/or trust again?

Yes, I would continue the marriage. The trust question is a little bit more difficult to answer. I think it would depend on the circumstances of the affair.

However, I'd look at the eligible females that I know in a much different light than I do now.

Immie

LOL, somehow I don't think you'd cheat. You'd end the marriage first, everything has an order.

 

[Anguille]

your spouse if you caught them cheating on you?


Or would you never be able to trust them again?

Yes
No

People are not perfect but they can become better people after making mistakes.

Also a marriage is about much more than sexual fidelity.

 

[Immanuel]

Immie, I know you and forgiveness. With that stated, would you continue the marriage and/or trust again?

Yes, I would continue the marriage. The trust question is a little bit more difficult to answer. I think it would depend on the circumstances of the affair.

However, I'd look at the eligible females that I know in a much different light than I do now.

Immie

LOL, somehow I don't think you'd cheat. You'd end the marriage first, everything has an order.

If I found out that she cheated, I might feel free to open the marriage up a little bit. Not cheating so to speak. I'd simply say, if that was what she wanted she would have to deal with the lovely blonds in my life too. After all... I am all for Equal Rights!!

Immie

 

[Anguille]

your spouse if you caught them cheating on you?


Or would you never be able to trust them again?

Just to throw a little more gas on the fire - are "religious" people more or less likely to forgive a cheating spouse?

Christianity is supposed to be about forgiveness.

 

[Phoenix]

Christianity is supposed to be about forgiveness.

Indeed it is. But that requires people to actually practice what they preach.

It's much easier to preach than practice, I've noticed.

 

[Anguille]

Christianity is supposed to be about forgiveness.

Indeed it is. But that requires people to actually practice what they preach.

It's much easier to preach than practice, I've noticed.

Yeah. I've no stats to base my opinion on but I would guess that religious people might be less willing to forgive a spouse for cheating just because I think of religious people as being more dogmatic. Also because adultery is a sin in many religions.

 

[Phoenix]

Yeah. I've no stats to base my opinion on but I would guess that religious people might be less willing to forgive a spouse for cheating just because I think of religious people as being more dogmatic. Also because adultery is a sin in many religions.

In your personal opinion, do you think that they would continue the marriage, yet not actually forgive their spouse or do you think they are more likely to just split?

Which is worse in the realm of religion? To live with a spouse who has cheated and you allow the hurt, anger and mistrust to fester or to commit what many religious people believe is tantamount to the ultimate sin and divorce the one you vowed to love until death do you part?

 

[Anguille]

Yeah. I've no stats to base my opinion on but I would guess that religious people might be less willing to forgive a spouse for cheating just because I think of religious people as being more dogmatic. Also because adultery is a sin in many religions.

In your personal opinion, do you think that they would continue the marriage, yet not actually forgive their spouse or do you think they are more likely to just split?

Which is worse in the realm of religion? To live with a spouse who has cheated and you allow the hurt, anger and mistrust to fester or to commit what many religious people believe is tantamount to the ultimate sin and divorce the one you vowed to love until death do you part?

I guess it depends on what religion you follow. If yours forbids divorce, you have even more of a dilemma.

 

[Annie]

Yes, I would continue the marriage. The trust question is a little bit more difficult to answer. I think it would depend on the circumstances of the affair.

However, I'd look at the eligible females that I know in a much different light than I do now.

Immie

LOL, somehow I don't think you'd cheat. You'd end the marriage first, everything has an order.

If I found out that she cheated, I might feel free to open the marriage up a little bit. Not cheating so to speak. I'd simply say, if that was what she wanted she would have to deal with the lovely blonds in my life too. After all... I am all for Equal Rights!!

Immie

Meaning, your tolerance level pretty close to mine. LOL! Really, there's not room for 3 or 5.

 

[Phoenix]

I guess it depends on what religion you follow. If yours forbids divorce, you have even more of a dilemma.

Don't most of the "Christian" religions still technically forbid it?

 

[Anguille]

It would be good to hear what some religious people think. Perhaps some will share their thoughts?

My opinion that religious people are less likely to forgive could just be a prejudice.

 

[Anguille]

I guess it depends on what religion you follow. If yours forbids divorce, you have even more of a dilemma.

Don't most of the "Christian" religions still technically forbid it?

I'm no expert but I think it's okay with Protestants. Isn't the highest divorce rate among evangelicals in the Bible belt? I think I read that somewhere.

 

[Phoenix]

I'm no expert but I think it's okay with Protestants. Isn't the highest divorce rate among evangelicals in the Bible belt? I think I read that somewhere.

Color me surprised - according to this site: http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/nvss/divorce90_04.pdf, divorce rates have basically been going down. That is as of 2005.

This one focuses more on religious persons' divorce rates, etc.: U.S. divorce rates: for various faith groups, age groups and geographical areas


You were correct, Anguille -

The data showed that the highest divorce rates were found in the Bible Belt. "Tennessee, Arkansas, Alabama and Oklahoma round out the Top Five in frequency of divorce...the divorce rates in these conservative states are roughly 50 percent above the national average" of 4.2/1000 people.

* 11 southern states (AL, AR, AZ, FL, GA, MS, NC, NM, OK, SC and TX averaged 5.1/1000 people. (LA data is not available; TX data is for 1997).
* Nine states in the Northeast (CT, MA, ME, NH, NJ, NY, PA, RI, VT) averaged only 3.5/1000 people.

Some of the factors that contribute to a high divorce rate in the Bible Belt, relative to Northeastern states are:
* More couples enter their first marriage at a younger age.
* Average household incomes are lower (OK and AR rate 46th and 47th in the U.S.)
* They have a lower percentage of Roman Catholics, a denomination that does not recognize divorce.

Anthony Jordan, executive director of the Southern Baptist Convention in Oklahoma commented: "I applaud the Catholics," says Jordan. "I don't think we as Protestant evangelists have done nearly as well preparing people for marriage. And in the name of being loving and accepting, we have not placed the stigma on divorce that we should have."

* Some factor in conservative Protestantism -- which is prevalent in the Bible Belt -- may causes a higher level of divorce.

(from the second link above - religioustolerance.org)

 

[Anguille]

Color me surprised - according to this site: http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/nvss/divorce90_04.pdf, divorce rates have basically been going down. That is as of 2005.

This one focuses more on religious persons' divorce rates, etc.: U.S. divorce rates: for various faith groups, age groups and geographical areas

Interesting article.
Thanks!

[FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica]Denomination (in order of decreasing divorce rate)[/FONT]

[FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica]% who have been divorced[/FONT]​

[FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica]Non-denominational **[/FONT] [FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica]34%[/FONT] [FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica]Baptists[/FONT] [FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica]29%[/FONT] [FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica]Mainline Protestants[/FONT] [FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica]25%[/FONT] [FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica]Mormons[/FONT] [FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica]24%[/FONT] [FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica]Catholics[/FONT] [FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica]21%[/FONT] [FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica]Lutherans[/FONT] [FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica]21%[/FONT] [FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica]** Barna uses the term "non-denominational" to refer to Evangelical Christian congregations that are not affiliated with a specific denomination. The vast majority are fundamentalist in their theological beliefs[/FONT]'[FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica]Variation in divorce rates by religion:[/FONT]

[FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica]Religion[/FONT] [FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica]% have been divorced[/FONT] [FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica]Jews[/FONT] [FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica]30%[/FONT] [FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica]Born-again Christians[/FONT] [FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica]27%[/FONT] [FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica]Other Christians[/FONT] [FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica]24%[/FONT] [FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica]Atheists, Agnostics[/FONT] [FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica]21%[/FONT]"

LOL! This is sure to get Alli Babble in a snit.

[FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica]"Ron Barrier, Spokespersonn for American Atheists remarked on these findings with some rather caustic comments against organized religion. He said:

"These findings confirm what I have been saying these last five years. Since Atheist ethics are of a higher caliber than religious morals, it stands to reason that our families would be dedicated more to each other than to some invisible monitor in the sky. With Atheism, women and men are equally responsible for a healthy marriage. There is no room in Atheist ethics for the type of 'submissive' nonsense preached by Baptists and other Christian and/or Jewish groups. Atheists reject, and rightly so, the primitive patriarchal attitudes so prevalent in many religions with respect to marriage." "
​

[/FONT]

 

[Immanuel]

Meaning, your tolerance level pretty close to mine. LOL! Really, there's not room for 3 or 5.

I don't believe that my wife would cheat. In fact, I would say that I am more likely to cheat than my wife, based on our personalities and behaviors, but I was raised to believe that the marriage vows were sacred. I would not do anything to break them. I honor my wife and my vows and pray that I will always maintain the strength to run the other way when temptation strikes.

Christianity is supposed to be about forgiveness.

Indeed it is. But that requires people to actually practice what they preach.

It's much easier to preach than practice, I've noticed.

Yeah. I've no stats to base my opinion on but I would guess that religious people might be less willing to forgive a spouse for cheating just because I think of religious people as being more dogmatic. Also because adultery is a sin in many religions.

It would be good to hear what some religious people think. Perhaps some will share their thoughts?

My opinion that religious people are less likely to forgive could just be a prejudice.

Personally, as a Christian, I think I am more prone to forgive such a thing as I look at the Cross, I see my own forgiveness and my need to extend it to my wife and others as well. I would look at being more dogmatic about forgiveness than being dogmatic about sin. I realize there are other Christians who view this in a different manner than I do, but, I believe that Christ died to forgive our sins. Who am I to hold another's sins against them when I have been forgiven?

I'm not perfect. Sometimes I lose my cool, but generally, I realize later that I need to forgive the perceived transgressions of that jerk that just cut me off and made me miss the light! How dare he? By the way, that is the reason my car does not have any Christian emblems affixed to it. When I give someone the "single fingered salute", I don't want them to know that I am a Christian and am supposed to act like one.

Immie

 

[Anguille]

Personally, as a Christian, I think I am more prone to forgive such a thing as I look at the Cross, I see my own forgiveness and my need to extend it to my wife and others as well. I would look at being more dogmatic about forgiveness than being dogmatic about sin.

Cool!

I realize there are other Christians who view this in a different manner than I do, but, I believe that Christ died to forgive our sins. Who am I to hold another's sins against them when I have been forgiven?

I'm not perfect. Sometimes I lose my cool, but generally, I realize later that I need to forgive the perceived transgressions of that jerk that just cut me off and made me miss the light! How dare he? By the way, that is the reason my car does not have any Christian emblems affixed to it. When I give someone the "single fingered salute", I don't want them to know that I am a Christian and am supposed to act like one.

Immie

LOL!

 

[Bootneck]

I once went out with a married woman whose husband was cheating on her. Clever woman. She was the managing director of a flooring company. Yeh. She was a world authority on carpets, an expert on rugs and not at all bad on lino.

 

[Anguille]

I once went out with a married woman whose husband was cheating on her. Clever woman. She was the managing director of a flooring company. Yeh. She was a world authority on carpets, an expert on rugs and not at all bad on lino.

I wish I could forgive you for that terrible joke.