You might be a liberal if Â…
You think that if someone is getting richer, someone,
somewhere, must be getting poorer.
You think that protestors outside nuclear power plants are
dedicated activists, but protestors outside abortion
clinics are dangerous zealots interfering with a legal
activity.
You believe that more federal regulations will make your
life better.
You believe that even though the top 20 percent of
taxpayers pay 80 percent of income taxes, that the rich
are not paying their “fair share.”
You think that Rush LimbaughÂ’s listeners are
mindless “dittoheads,” but you have never doubted anything
that you heard from Michael Moore.
You believe in global warming today just as firmly as you
believed in global cooling back in the 1970s.
You believe that the network news is a better indicator of
what “real” news is than talk radio, Internet news sites,
and blogs.
You believe that there was never, ever a problem with
biased news coverage until Fox News went on the air.
You believe that Mikhail Gorbachev deserves more credit
for losing the Cold War than Ronald Reagan deserves for
winning it.
Your parents gave you an acre of preserved rain forest for
your first birthday.
You cannot name a single NASCAR driver.
You mentally subtract 100 points from someoneÂ’s IQ if the
person speaks with a Southern accent.
You think that Dan Rather got a raw deal.
You panic if you discover that youÂ’re out of chick peas.
You think that the phrase “separation of church and state”
is in the Constitution.
You pride yourself on your global awareness, global
sensitivity and global outlook, but canÂ’t name your state
legislator or school board representative.
You are dedicated to helping the poor, the downtrodden and
the less fortunate, but you have never given blood.
You have not seen "The Passion of the Christ," and you
donÂ’t know anyone who has seen it.
You believe that a woman should make it on her own,
without depending on her husband (except for Hillary
Clinton).
You believe that professional, working women should never
be judged on their appearance (except for Katherine
Harris).
You believe that rich people should not be allowed to
contribute so much money to candidates for office (except
for George Soros).
You believe that government should make a special effort
to hire members of traditionally oppressed groups, such as
African-Americans (except for Clarence Thomas, Colin
Powell and Condoleezza Rice).
You feel a deep sense of common cause with oppressed
groups, such as Hispanic immigrants (except for Cuban
Americans fleeing Castro).
You believe that a motherÂ’s wishes for her child,
especially a motherÂ’s last, dying wish for her child,
should outweigh the wishes of a father who had long before
deserted his family (unless the child is named Elian
Gonzalez).
You think people in south Florida, who canÂ’t figure out
how to work a butterfly ballot, ought to have the final
say in choosing the president of the United States.
You have no problem with Hollywood movie starts flying
around in private jets to give speeches on the evils of
SUVs.
You think that raising taxes will reduce the budget
deficit.
You deplore prejudice and bigotry in all its forms, but
think that everyone in the “red states” is an idiot.
You are more concerned, more often, with the rights of
convicted felons than you are with the rights of small
business owners.
You uphold a womanÂ’s right to choose, unless a woman
chooses adoption, chooses to be a stay-at-home mom,
chooses to homeschool, or chooses to start a business.
You are more concerned with Vice President CheneyÂ’s links
to Halliburton than with Saddam HusseinÂ’s links to
international terrorism.
You have used the phrase, “in Europe, the government pays
for health care and vacation,” without irony.
You are worried about how the French view Americans.
You believe that nativity scenes should be banned from
public view, but that anyone objecting to
pornography “only has to look the other way.”
And finally, you are almost certainly a liberal if you
refuse to admit that youÂ’re a liberal, and accuse anyone
of calling you a liberal of McCarthyism.