Gonna share this. Debated with myself whether to or not, but I think I wanna. So I am.
I have been praying a lot. And mood swings? omg. Thoughts of just saying fuckit and not deal with life any more? Yup, that too. Thinking thinking thinking, calling calling calling, hunting hunting hunting. And lots of praying and just talking with God..begging, pleading, then finally saying ok...lead me. I will go. Sometimes I know you hafta say no. I might not like it, but...I'll do it. Tell me what to do. SHOW ME.
And He did. He is closing this door. But he opened other doors and left it to me to choose which one to walk through. So I chose wicked LA area. Then I begged, pleaded, cried, sobbed, and questioned my decision and asked if I am taking the path He hoped I would take because it was my decision, after all. At least He opened the doors to 3 places..not counting living in our vehicles. To be honest, I am still musing over that one too. I shouldn't though, because yet another 2 doors opened yesterday and today.
We are on 3 waiting lists here locally, for low income housing. It is a 3 to 5 year wait. Lots of people are on that list..us included. But I called all three and gave them the updated info to the LA area, and when a unit comes available..they can reach us and we can come back home. One of those places has a landlady that spoke with me almost an hour on the phone..just chatting about how hard it is nowadays, and she might be in the same boat herself soon, and general chitchat. But she also said she would do what she could to get us in as fast as she could because us being retired property managers...well..she has no relief if she wants a vacation, or family problems where she needs some days off to go to them, etc...and she was going to speak to her bosses about us being back up managers for that possible scenario. I won't hold my breath cuz she said not to, but she would try. I perked me up a bit, but as soon as I saw the 12 boxes in the dining room stuffed with things I could not bear to get rid of and everything else gone..I burst into tears. That was yesterday.
Today...MrG and I went to the bank to start a new account for our SS checks to be direct deposited since the bank we have used for 30 years here, does not have a branch anywhere in LA. So..I found two local banks that have two branches no more than 1 mile from where we are going to be living. I chose one of the two because they said "we do this all the time. We can help you". And boy, did they. THEY sent a fax to SS with the new routing number, new bank, etc...which means MrG and I don't have to sit in the SS office for hours. The bank is doing it. Plus, they said I qualified..ME...for a cc if I wanted one. Did I? I said sure. I have a secured card for only 300 bucks so I can build my credit and she said its BUILT, missy. I have a credit amount of 2500.00. I was amazed. The new checks will go straight to our new address, the CC will come here where we are now because it will arrive in a few days and I am going to use that to pay for my new eyeglasses because I have been going without any since the surgery and have been stressing where to find the money to pay for the new lenses. I don't have to stress any more. I have a new CC coming.
I take that as a sign that the paths He showed me...I chose the right one. I may not like living there, but its a roof. I may have had to sell all my stuff, but I can get different stuff. I may only be there a year but at least I can come home cuz I am on the list to come home. And my family...MrG, my 2 furkids and I...will survive. Hell, I may keel over dead before I get to come home from some ailment, but at least I know I CAN, when they call. IF I don't like it there.
So..I am still moody. Still sad. Still stressed a bit over this. But doors keep opening. I kinda like that. Whats on the other side, I ask myself. I'll find out soon enough.