Today's tykes: Secure kids or rudest in history?

[strollingbones]

Parents' focus on building self-esteem may neglect compassion for others

The little wagon seemed abandoned.

So when Ada Calhoon’s 1-year-old son spotted it during an outing to a neighborhood park, he began playing with it. But almost immediately, they heard a little boy on a far-away swing set shriek “Noooooooooooo!” sending his mom storming toward them.

“Rather than saying, ‘We’re swinging now. You can let that baby look at your wagon,’ [the mother] took the wagon out of my son’s hands and brought it to her son in the swing,” says Calhoun, the editor-in-chief of the popular parenting Web site Babble.com.

It wasn’t the child’s fit that left Calhoun speechless: It was the mother’s.

Parenting blogs — and grandparents — echo that shock. A commenter on a recent New York Times’ blog recounted seeing a preschooler purposely trip a woman in a crowded restaurant, and chortle, “‘Mommy, did you see me trip that woman? I tripped her!’” — with no corrective measure from the mother. On Grandparents.com, a mortified grandmother recently asked for advice on how to handle her grandson’s relentless public insulting of his own mother, who apparently seemed unable or unwilling to stand up to the mistreatment.

Today's tykes: Secure kids or rudest in history? - Kids and parenting- msnbc.com

i am appalled at how kids talk to adults now days...the other day ...i saw a kid about 7 or 8...hit his mother in the back of the head....and tell her to shut up....mothers reactions...she laughted and turned red...only damned thing i would have been turning red was his ass...
my son is a grown man...the day he hits me is the day he dies.....simple as that...if they are younger than 12 you just need to maim them a bit...between 12 and say 16....a good beating will help after 16...any man child putting his hands on his mother in a violent way is just taken out....what is with parents today?

i see these stupid bumpstickers..children are like flowers blah blah blah...children are like damned climbing roses...they have to be pruned and taken back to be beautiful....if you allow them to just grown without pruning they become a choking mass of thorns...remember that the next time your kids smarts off...it is never too late to smack the shit out of them...you would be amazed how they will think twice about mouthing off.
o and hitting....that little arm will come right out of socket

 

[elvis]

I vote for rudest in history. as a general rule.

 

[KittenKoder]

Meh ... each generation says the one after them is worse behaving, it's a staple of growing old I guess. Though I see the point in this, at least they are finally looking into a source of a problem instead of just pointing fingers.

 

[Barb]

iT'S a different world, isn't it, with lots of mixed messages. Most of us grew up in an authoritarian age, where police officers, adults, the clergy and the government must be trusted and obeyed. We can't really view the "pillars of the community" as a safe haven for our kids (and if we're doing our jobs as parents, it isn't necessary), as the police aren't always their friends, the government has proven dishonest, and advocating blind obsequiousness is a recipe for disaster. The result is a population of parents trying inexpertly to walk the fine line between "Question everything, trust no one, don't talk to strangers" and "mind your manners." I often see a definitional problem in the mix. Pillars (teachers, government, clergy: other adults in general) consider lack of deference to be the same thing as lack of respect, and they are two very different terms.

Behavioral problems in public aside, and the parents who refuse to leave their meal , shopping cart, or personal entertainment aside (or behind if need be) long enough to school their children, I don't see (truly) disrespectful youngsters as being the majority. They just get most of the attention and press, while the ones not bothering the adults in their pleasure are generally ignored.

 

[Zoom-boing]

My observation is that kids are, generally speaking, ruder today than in the past. Like SB, I blame the parents. Parents do not want to parent their kids, they want to be friends with them. Bad idea. Kids needs routine, they need structure, they need boundaries, they need discipline and this needs to come from the parents. Plenty of time later in life to be your kids 'friend'.

Even simple things, like when my youngest calls her friends. I hear her ask for her friend and just remind her to tell the parent who she is so they know who's calling. No a big deal but her little friends call, no idea who they are, I say she's not here right now and they don't say anything just hang up. Rude. If parents don't teach and demand better the kids will think rude is the norm.

My 12 yr. old has a mouth on her. Not cursing but mouthy as all shit. But she's learning; it takes patience on the part of the parent and time. Two steps forward and one step back at time. Her mouthiness gets punished by soap in the mouth. Can't tell ya how much better that is then getting into a war of words with her. She is the 'opposite' kid. Tell her it's sunny and damn if she just doesn't say it's raining. This causes a fight of one-upsmanship that no one wins and just pisses me off. So I don't play; pisses her off. One swipe of soap in the mouth and a 1/2 time out in her room -- she comes down nice as pie. I try not to harp on whatever happened, just get on with the day. Grounding works to a degree - she keeps coming home later and later for dinner. So she's grounded all week this time. Taking things away works too. Oh and for the room grounding, don't be fooled into thinking 'well she's just going to watch tv or whatever'. Nuh uh. None of my kids have a tv, computer or phone in their rooms. Oldest (college) got a laptop for H.S. grad present and bought her own cell phone when she was 15 and got a job to pay for it. 12 yr. old wants a phone. What the hell does a 12 yr old need a cell phone for anyway? It's too much freedom at too young an age. I can hear some disagreeing with me on this. Sorry, 12 yr olds don't need a phone. Give 'em quarter. When she's old enough to get a job and pay for the phone and plan, she can get a phone. Until then, I put up with the bitching. lol

 

[American Horse]

My observation is that kids are, generally speaking, ruder today than in the past. Like SB, I blame the parents. Parents do not want to parent their kids, they want to be friends with them. Bad idea. Kids needs routine, they need structure, they need boundaries, they need discipline and this needs to come from the parents. Plenty of time later in life to be your kids 'friend'.

My wife, a realtor of 35 plus years, is exposed to the combination of parents and their children while in the process of showing homes. More and more in recent years she notices a complete lack of a proper parent child/relationship among her clients. While showing properties the homes may or may not be occupied by the owner's personal effects and furnishings.

More and more she reports instances of parents bringing along their kids and then allowing them to run rampant through homes being shown without any discipline at all; they may pick up personal items of the owners of the homes, move them around, treat others valuables as toys, open a refrigerator to see what's available - parents don't even consider the need to feed their children or bring along an apple or snack for their young children - and in empty homes run through them like heathens, or they are 'so bored' that they complain all the time they are out looking at properties, and just want to go back to their motel room.

Some of these parents have so little self discipline, and are so inconsiderate that they will bring along a pet dog to ride along in the realtor's car during showings; never mind that the pet can damage upholstery, and needs water and potty breaks all the while, and has not the slightest interest in a start-and-stop car ride for hours on end.

These things suggest that the adults do not understand their proper role as parents, were not trained to value such skills, and don't have a clue about what may or may not be an imposition on others who are providing them professional services. A lot of this would be remedied by simply considering proper manners when dealing with people, yes, even service people.

But, then, they would've had to have been trained in manners expected in a 'polite society', something which they seem to be seperated from by about a generation.

 

[strollingbones]

oktay the 12 yr old....i got no advice there...my son and i went thru a summer of hell....he was grounded to his room with nothing but the walls..it got so bad i took the door off his room...he would sit on the bed for hours and stare at the wall....not one of my better parenting moments

as an older man once told me about 12 yr olds..they are just hard to love...for like 8 more years...lol...and my son is a last word fighter too....so am i..

i could see older kids being brought along after you have picked out the house but their imput is not needed before then...people bringing dogs....o please what if i decided to bring my 100 lb dobie...that is just crazy...you know some people are allergic to dogs/cats...and that means her car has to be really cleaned after a dog/cat in it...i would tell people i was allergic

 

[justabubba]

we learn to parent from our parents
(yep, sometimes that is a negative example we are "inspired" to avoid ... but we still parent based on the way we were raised)

and has been said before. this is a generational thing.

back in my day we had to walk to school in the snow - uphill in both directions

there are lots of factors at play
a major one is the demise of the nuclear family
not that long ago dad worked, mom took care of the kids and the home, cooked square meals and helped with homework
now that mom works, not so much
now that we are no longer living in the same town, with grandparents down the street to cover as needed, the kids have a longer leash ... if any leash at all ... restraining their actions

not that long ago, to have a child born out of wedlock made the mother a pariah. now, about 37% of our kids are born outside of a marriage. 59% are married today, down from 72% in 1970. so, there are many more children in single parent families

we have cause ... and you have shown us some of the effect

 

[Phoenix]

Lots of rude, obnoxious little termites. They have no manners, no common sense and way too many parents rely on the schools to teach their kids everything, rather than instilling appropriate values and teaching character in the home first.

Kids need and ultimately want boundaries. Discipline, consequences, responsibility, accountability - all good things that are important for young people learn, in order to be productive, decent, well-rounded adults.

 

[RodISHI]

I think some of it has to do with parents not having the time to teach their children.

Then you have that, "I'm going to do it by the book." I heard that from my daughter years ago. She changed her mind when her children got out of control.

 

[random3434]

Hola! Home today with my 13 yo, who is well behaved btw...she knows she better be OR ELSE!


Anyway, as some of you know I teach. My kids are well behaved in my classroom. I'm always getting compliments from other teachers and the administrators on their behavior.

Now,,,,,,when they aren't with me,,,some of the ones labeled ED or ADHD tend to get "in trouble"-and I always wonder why. They HATE it when another teacher calls me and says Little Debbie or Josh was misbehaving in art, music, or the general ed classroom. It's because they know I have standards, rules and boundaries for their behaviors. Not ONE is on any meds for their behaviors either, they just know to follow the rules.

Anyhow, my point being is kids WILL be well behaved for the most part if they respect the adult, and know they can't get away with their bad behaviors. If these parents are "letting" their kids act that way, it's the parents fault for letting them.


Kids WANT rules, structure and discipline. Trust me on that. My own daughter has even said to me, "Mom, I'm glad you're strick!" {Let's still see if she feels that way as she gets more into her teens! }

 

[Zoom-boing]

Hola! Home today with my 13 yo, who is well behaved btw...she knows she better be OR ELSE!


Anyway, as some of you know I teach. My kids are well behaved in my classroom. I'm always getting compliments from other teachers and the administrators on their behavior.

Now,,,,,,when they aren't with me,,,some of the ones labeled ED or ADHD tend to get "in trouble"-and I always wonder why. They HATE it when another teacher calls me and says Little Debbie or Josh was misbehaving in art, music, or the general ed classroom. It's because they know I have standards, rules and boundaries for their behaviors. Not ONE is on any meds for their behaviors either, they just know to follow the rules.

Anyhow, my point being is kids WILL be well behaved for the most part if they respect the adult, and know they can't get away with their bad behaviors. If these parents are "letting" their kids act that way, it's the parents fault for letting them.


Kids WANT rules, structure and discipline. Trust me on that. My own daughter has even said to me, "Mom, I'm glad you're strick!" {Let's still see if she feels that way as she gets more into her teens! }

Excellent post EZ!!

Hope I'm not painting my 12 yr old out to be some kind of monster; she's not. Most of the time she's a funny, charming kid. It's the other times when she's not . . . . She gets rave reviews from teachers and parents about what a nice (and funny) kid she is; guess she's testing the waters at home to see how far she can push it. Not very. I keep telling myself that her stubbornness will serve her well later in life.

My oldest has thanked us more than once for things, 'strict' being one of them.

 

[RodISHI]

Hola! Home today with my 13 yo, who is well behaved btw...she knows she better be OR ELSE!


Anyway, as some of you know I teach. My kids are well behaved in my classroom. I'm always getting compliments from other teachers and the administrators on their behavior.

Now,,,,,,when they aren't with me,,,some of the ones labeled ED or ADHD tend to get "in trouble"-and I always wonder why. They HATE it when another teacher calls me and says Little Debbie or Josh was misbehaving in art, music, or the general ed classroom. It's because they know I have standards, rules and boundaries for their behaviors. Not ONE is on any meds for their behaviors either, they just know to follow the rules.

Anyhow, my point being is kids WILL be well behaved for the most part if they respect the adult, and know they can't get away with their bad behaviors. If these parents are "letting" their kids act that way, it's the parents fault for letting them.


Kids WANT rules, structure and discipline. Trust me on that. My own daughter has even said to me, "Mom, I'm glad you're strick!" {Let's still see if she feels that way as she gets more into her teens! }

The ones that do let their children do whatever they please, do not realize that really are not doing their children any favors. Society has rules to live by. If children do not understand that concept they are in for a lot of heartache later in life.

 

[Zoom-boing]

I think part of the problem also is too much freedom at too young an age. My 12 yr old (again, the 12 yr old!) came home the other day and told me that kids in her class watch Two and a Half Men. WTH? Why are they watching this show? Where are the parents? No boundaries, no rules, no show off limits? I've gone through this with my oldest so I was expecting it but it still catches me off guard. We utilize the v-chip control on the tv in our family room and on the one the basement - we also bought a tv guardian that edits out foul language for this tv - and put limits on the ratings of shows. The computer the kids use is in the living room and I keep a close eye on what they are doing on there. The cabinet it's in can be locked so no computer is always an option. I worry when she is over other kid's houses because I don't think most other parents are paying attention.

 

[Agnapostate]

I'm inclined to say not, though the media certainly has a vested interest in promoting sensationalized coverage of groups effectively unable to defend themselves. What's unfortunate is the facts that drug crises, for instance, primarily exist among older generations rather than youth, rampant teenage promiscuity is largely the stuff of myths, and underage drinking and alcohol-related problems are decreasing won't change any minds, since every parent understandably insists that "Well, my son does this, so everyone else must do the same," though it's sad that some believe that anecdotal speculation can function as a valid substitute for empirical evidence.