CC:
Here come an unduly long reply (more of an excuse to share some crap got via e-mail):
Subject: The English language- A Topic Worthy of a whole course or even several whole semesters or years even:
You think
English is easy???
Read to the end . . . a new
twist
1) The bandage was wound around the
wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce .
3) The dump was so full that it had to
refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish
furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead
out.
6) The soldier decided to
desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like
the present, he thought it was time to
present the present .
8) A bass was painted on the
head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the
bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the
invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen
about how to row
13) They were too close to the
door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the
does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down
into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer
taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the
sail.
18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I
shed a tear.
19) I had to subject the subject to a
series of tests.
20) How can I intimate this to my most
intimate friend?
Let's face it - English is a crazy
language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor
ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine
in pineapple. English muffins weren't
invented in England or French fries in
France . Sweetmeats are candies while
sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted. But if we
explore its paradoxes, we find that
quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings
are square and a guinea pig is neither
from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but
fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce
and hammers don't ham? If the plural of
tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of
booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one
moose, 2 meese? One index,2indices?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make
amends but not one amend? If you have a
bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all
but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers
praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables,
what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I
think all the English speakers should be
committed to an asylum for the verbally
insane. In what language do people recite
at a play and play at a recital? Ship by
truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses
that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be
the same, while a wise man and a wise guy
are opposites? You have to marvel at the
unique lunacy of a language in which your
house can burn up as it burns down, in
which you fill in a form by filling it out
and in which, an alarm goes off by going
on.
English was invented by people,
not computers, and it reflects the
creativity of the human race, which, of
course, is not a race at all. That is why,
when the stars are out, they are visible,
but when the lights are out, they are
invisible.
PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with
'quick' ?
You lovers of the English language
might enjoy this .
There is a two-letter word
that perhaps has more meanings than any
other two-letter word, and that is 'UP.'
It's easy to understand ...
UP, meaning toward the sky or at
the top of the list, but when we awaken in
the morning, why do we wake UP ? At a
meeting, why does a topic come UP ? Why do
we speak UP and why are the officers UP
for election and why is it UP to the
secretary to write UP a report?
We call UP our friends. And we use it to
brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver;
we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the
kitchen. We lock UP the house and some
guys fix UP the old car. At other times
the little word has real special meaning.
People stir UP trouble, line UP for
tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP
excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but
to be dressed U P is special.
And this UP is confusing: A drain must be
opened UP because it is stopped UP. We
open UP a store in the morning but we
close it UP at night.
We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP !
To be knowledgeable about the proper uses
of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary.
In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP
almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to
about thirty definitions. If you are UP to
it, you might try building a list of the
many waysUP is used. It will take UP a lot
of your time, but if you don't give UP,
you may wind UP with a hundred or more.
When it threatens to rain, we say it is
clouding UP . When the sun comes out we
say it is clearing UP...
When it rains, it wets the earth and often
messes things UP. When it doesn't rain for
awhile, things dry UP.
One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it
UP, for now my time is UP, so........it is
time to shut UP!
Oh . . ... one more thing:
What is the first thing you do in the
morning & the last thing you do at night?
U-P !
I take no credit for sharing silly shit we get via e-mail! But if you can't work that blather into a "topic," you are gonna need a remedial course in "TOPICS."
