So it's ok for a woman to be desperate for marriage but not ok for a man to

[fbj]

be desperate for a MATE? lol

So why is it ok for women to be desperate while men have to play it cool? lol I see so many women saying in their online profile............."Looking for marriage"

Don't you have to be in a relationship before marriage? Somebody talk to me

 

[emilynghiem]

be desperate for a MATE? lol

So why is it ok for women to be desperate while men have to play it cool? lol I see so many women saying in their online profile............."Looking for marriage"

Don't you have to be in a relationship before marriage? Somebody talk to me

Sorry but the idea of the clingy girlfriend pressuring for marriage
is a longstanding source of ICK in the minds of most guys I know.

Where do you get that it's okay for anyone to be the desperate type?

Do you mean that people expect women to want to get married to have kids
but men are supposed to be independent and just pick a wife when they want to settle down
with "no emotions" about it?

Do you mean the romantic sentimental relationship stuff is for women
but men aren't supposed to be emotional? is that what you mean?

As for the 'desperate' type this is NO GO for either men or women.
I hear both complain about the desperate, controlling, clingy type, whether male or female.

 

[fbj]

be desperate for a MATE? lol

So why is it ok for women to be desperate while men have to play it cool? lol I see so many women saying in their online profile............."Looking for marriage"

Don't you have to be in a relationship before marriage? Somebody talk to me

Sorry but the idea of the clingy girlfriend pressuring for marriage
is a longstanding source of ICK in the minds of most guys I know.

Where do you get that it's okay for anyone to be the desperate type?

Do you mean that people expect women to want to get married to have kids
but men are supposed to be independent and just pick a wife when they want to settle down
with "no emotions" about it?

Do you mean the romantic sentimental relationship stuff is for women
but men aren't supposed to be emotional? is that what you mean?

As for the 'desperate' type this is NO GO for either men or women.
I hear both complain about the desperate, controlling, clingy type, whether male or female.

Well I see in so many profiles where women say they are LOOKING FOR MARRIAGE. That looks desperate to me

 

[emilynghiem]

be desperate for a MATE? lol

So why is it ok for women to be desperate while men have to play it cool? lol I see so many women saying in their online profile............."Looking for marriage"

Don't you have to be in a relationship before marriage? Somebody talk to me

Sorry but the idea of the clingy girlfriend pressuring for marriage
is a longstanding source of ICK in the minds of most guys I know.

Where do you get that it's okay for anyone to be the desperate type?

Do you mean that people expect women to want to get married to have kids
but men are supposed to be independent and just pick a wife when they want to settle down
with "no emotions" about it?

Do you mean the romantic sentimental relationship stuff is for women
but men aren't supposed to be emotional? is that what you mean?

As for the 'desperate' type this is NO GO for either men or women.
I hear both complain about the desperate, controlling, clingy type, whether male or female.

Well I see in so many profiles where women say they are LOOKING FOR MARRIAGE. That looks desperate to me

And what about men looking primarily for sex. If they want the sex more than they want a working relationship
isn't that a form of desperation? isn't it equal on some level, that if you don't want to be seen as just a commodity for marriage or for sex, either way (by either gender if you want to switch it around). then someone looking at you for that seems so desperate they aren't looking at you as a person but as an object for obtaining a certain goal.

Now, some people take it as a compliment if someone is looking at them for sex or for marriage even if that isn't mutual. But overall if the goal "to seek a person to fill a need" supercedes really interacting with people personally as individuals, and only seeing them as "men or women to get something they want" that comes across as lacking inner stability and security and relying on projecting a need externally onto others.

This is true of people in general, both men and women, but maybe you are saying it is EXPRESSED differently.

The STEREOTYPE is men looking for sex before marriage
and women looking for marriage before sex. is that what you are pointing out?

 

[S.J.]

Play along 'til you get laid. Just don't put anything in writing.

 

[Mace]

Bc men who don't play it cool don't attract females. Boom, science.

 

[emilynghiem]

Bc men who don't play it cool don't attract females. Boom, science.

^ Dear fbj
Take note
Look at the difference between people who look at relationships as unique between those two people
vs.
people who look at being attractive to men in general or "attracting the ladies" in general

if you put the person and the relationship first above gender, that's focusing on the person,
and whatever relationship you may have together, whether friends, professional, shared interests, etc.

if you look at the person for their gender first, then you can be projecting expectations based
on gender BEFORE what's really going on between those two people as PEOPLE first, not male/female first.

I notice this with people.
So it isn't just women, but men can project their own expectations and conditions, too.
It's putting their personal needs before the other person who comes second.
People who approach each other as equals put the person first, before race gender or any other condition.

You can even "read" this in how they talk about people, which groups they generalize and Perceive as a symbol
first, representing preconceived experiences in their past, before they read you or others as a person second.

fbj if you ask me, I'd say where this projection behavior comes from
is leftovers from patterns people have from their mothers and families, fathers and previous romantic relations. Whatever conditions or conflicts they don't resolve from past relations,
these get "projected" onto other people and relations.

So if you look at these people you are asking about, and dig into their personal pasts
and how they perceive their parents relations, and/or past relations with the opposite sex,
then you ca see where the issues come from and where they are going. Either people are aware of carrying these patterns and projecting them forward, or they don't realize they are doing it and don't look back to find out where these patterns and expectations come from. Many people "assume" that's just how men or women are, and they follow the pattern they are given thinking it is natural.

 

[Mace]

That is very nice. But sorting by gender is the very first thing people do and forms the basis on interactions from there on. Except for pretentious 'pansexuals' don't date these chicks online.

 

[danielpalos]

be desperate for a MATE? lol

So why is it ok for women to be desperate while men have to play it cool? lol I see so many women saying in their online profile............."Looking for marriage"

Don't you have to be in a relationship before marriage? Somebody talk to me

It may be just a ploy to get us to put out really really serious relationships.

 

[danielpalos]

I just refuse to take women seriously if they can't simply walk up to me and tell me it is my turn to use them.

 

[emilynghiem]

That is very nice. But sorting by gender is the very first thing people do and forms the basis on interactions from there on. Except for pretentious 'pansexuals' don't date these chicks online.

Yes and no.
I find a huge difference with people who can't seem to step back from the fact that I am female.
I had friends who projected so much onto me from that, it really dominated the interaction.

When I approach people I see them as a grown up kid.
The kid in me wants to play and get to know the kid in them.
So that comes first, and then race gender culture etc comes after that.

I read their innermost spirit first, and all the other things are dressings and costumes and props that come with the package.

I was talking with a friend who says the spirit is NONgender.
But I see that people have both male and female energy, and one may be more dominant.
Their spiritual dominant gender may not be what they are physically.

I have seen this called Type A personality and Type B, and it can be either physical gender.
One is more proactive, will lead and take risks.p
The other is more passive, will think through all decisions and make them relative to all factors.
So the two complement each other, similar to male and female,
but these personality types are not restricted to any one gender.

So there are many levels to read people before looking at their physical race, age, gender etc.
I happen to process "holistically" where I read the spirit of the person including their past and future.
So just because they have conditions affecting where they are now, doesn't mean I put that first.
I tend to read their FUTURE or ideal self, their full purpose and what they are supposed to do in life,
and respond to that. And all their traits in life, all their associations culture language beliefs, etc.
are there for them to use to achieve their goals. So I look at the whole picture.

Gender and race are part of that, but the spirit and purpose of the person transcends and includes much more.

 

[emilynghiem]

That is very nice. But sorting by gender is the very first thing people do and forms the basis on interactions from there on. Except for pretentious 'pansexuals' don't date these chicks online.

^ fbj take note again
at someone who assumes that it is natural, that is just the way it is, that people sort by gender first. See how cultural conditions and assumptions come so naturally to people, they think everyone does it the same way.

In truth, each person processes absolutely uniquely because our experiences are different.
Nobody is going to do and see things exactly the same way or order as someone else.

When you realize how unique each person is, then maybe you won't look at these "women in general"
you'll see each one is going through an individual process. The more you can see people that way,
the more they will be able to see you as an individual and not just another number, not just another guy/girl.

The more we interact, we break down the barriers that other people thought everyone follows or projects.
Because we find people who don't fit that pattern, so we realize it isn't true for everyone and we were generalizing.