You know, I don't think there is really any timer attached to a relationship.
Me? I got married for all the wrong reasons (made E4 and thought I should get married because all my friends were, met a girl, and asked her to marry me a week later). And, because I didn't know anything about how to have a healthy relationship, it failed and I was divorced 7 years later.
However..........................over the years, I've learned there are 3 rules, that if you follow them, will always result in a healthy relationship.
1. One plus one equals three. Yeah, I know, it sounds like bad math, but there are three separate parts of a relationship. Me (an individual with my own style and tastes), her (another individual with their own style and tastes), and the third part is the combining of the two individuals in a relationship, which is the third.
2. A relationship is NOT a 50/50 proposition. A 50/50 proposition is a business deal. If I want something that costs 5 bucks, I have to give you 5 bucks to get the thing. 50/50, which is a business deal. A relationship on the other hand is two people combining together each and every day to make 100 percent. Some days, she may only be able to contribute 20 percent because she's sick, so I better be willing and able to kick in the other 80 percent so that things keep going. It doesn't matter who gives more or who gives less, just that together we make 100 percent each day.
And finally, the third one.................
3. A relationship can survive on 51 percent love, and 49 percent lust, but when the ratio hits 50/50, or turns to 49 percent love and 51 percent lust, that is when it has problems. And, to tell the difference, you just have to ask yourself one question and answer it honestly (and it is a ***** goddess of a question).......
Do I truly enjoy the person, or, do I enjoy myself through the instrumentality of that person? The first one is love, the second one is lust. If I truly enjoy the person, then it doesn't matter what they do or have, I just enjoy being with them.
However..................if I am enjoying myself through the instrumentality of that person, that means there is something there that the person has that I like and want. But, if that person loses the thing that I am enjoying through them, then what happens when they lose it? If it's because they have a job, what happens when they get fired? I'm outta there. If its because of the instrumentality of their looks, what happens when they gain weight or get old? Again, I'm outta there. Enjoying myself through the instrumentality of that person is where the lust is.
But, like I said, there has to be a certain amount of lust in a relationship, because otherwise, there wouldn't have been anything to attract me to them in the first place. And, over time, the lust is gradually replaced by love, because even in spite of a persons quirks, you learn to love and enjoy them even in spite of them.
Ever since I learned that, my relationships got a hell of a lot better.
