- Sep 22, 2013
- 4,956
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Since I'm a benefiting consumer of modern conveniences, especially Redbox (and Napster and Netflix and Microsoft), here's a sardonic anti-consumerism mock-heist vignette inspired by one of my favorite neo-capitalism films Killing Zoe! Thanks for reading (signing off),
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The modern media era was all about access to media, entertainment, and movies. Services such as Netflix and Napster delivered online instant cinema and musical classics to consumers all over America. This was the advantage of living in the USA. You could literally shop for any kind of synthetically constructed Hollywood daydream, or lifestyle stories.
One of the most popular emergent convenience services in this new age was of course RedBox. This service allowed consumers to walk up to conveniently placed movie and video-game rental vending machines and use prepaid cards to get instant DVDs, Blu-ray movies, and video-games for home use. This was way better than mail-in movie rentals or even online downloading, since affordable conveniences allowed consumers to access instant entertainment and deliver it promptly and reliably.
RedBox was considered as groundbreaking in the world of modern capitalism and consumerism as was the Sega Genesis video-game system in the 1990s. This was a pioneering shift in the way we got to access home-use entertainment. Movies and games were suddenly as easy to procure as library books or confection-stand pretzels from the city. RedBox machines could be found outside supermarkets, drugstores, and even post offices!
My name's Isaac Satan. I'm a bank robber. I'm from Algeria, but I'm a US citizen with a valid passport. I live in LA (California). I use Santander banking services as well as RedBox to get movies like Get Shorty and The Italian Job to enjoy with my girlfriend Eileen in our LA loft. Consumerism affords us a special democratic feeling in America now.
So why you ask am I seeking to rob a Santander bank in San Francisco this autumn? Well, I'm going to walk in with a head-gear and mask and sunglasses and holding a toy machine-gun. I want to take the $10 million diamonds held in safe-box #445 of the Santander bank in San Francisco, belonging to a very corrupt Saudi druglord living in Napa. I found out about these diamonds from a nightclub owner in San Diego last year. I'll be stealing these diamonds in the name of ethical capitalism.
I walk into the Santander bank with my toy machine-guns and tell the manager and guards that my toy guns are actually filled with boiling hot water. They laugh at first but I assure them that I intend to shoot the guns at their hands and chests and create very uncomfortable if minor burns unless they direct me towards safe box #445 so I can procure the Saudi diamonds. The guard begins to look nervous, but the manager is still defiant. Therefore, I tell the manager I'm an ex-CIA agent seeking to take the diamonds belonging to the corrupt Saudi druglord living in California and owning the diamonds in safe box #445 I intend to steal!
MANAGER: Why should I believe you?
ISAAC (ME): Trust me, I'm ex-government!
MANAGER: Why should I believe our Saudi investor is a druglord?
ISAAC: Trust me, I'm ex-government!
MANAGER: I'm going to set off the computer alarm now!
ISAAC: Don't do it; this Saudi evildoer is not someone you want to help.
MANAGER: What if he's enraged by our failure in security?
ISAAC: You can tell him the diamonds were stolen by a lunatic.
MANAGER: Well, they are insured.
ISAAC: Exactly, man; plus, you can tell the press this Saudi investor is respected!
MANAGER: What'll you accomplish?
ISAAC: I can watch Spy Game on RedBox with my girl, knowing this Saudi's diamonds are sold!
MANAGER: Why?
ISAAC: Hey, doesn't Santander need some modern age good old storytelling?
MANAGER: I suppose I can accept your non-terrorist threats.
ISAAC: You don't want boiling hot water mess at your distinguished bank.
MANAGER: No.
I grap the $million diamonds belonging to the evil Saudi druglord and grab my girlfriend Eileen who's talking to some sleazy biker outside the bank. We hop on my Honda scooter and make our way to LAX. She's really impressed, but she could've been easily distracted!
EILEEIN: Where're we going, Isaac Satan?
ISAAC (ME): We're flying to Rio.
EILEEN: Cool!
This is the modern age of capitalism and commerce and some mild forms of consumerism sarcasm. After all, maybe you're bored with Starbucks and Fabletics, but it's these companies that separate us from the fundamentally lunatic nations such as North Korea and Iran which harbor enduring feelings of censorship. In America, we care about good old free-speech.
Eileen and I fly to Rio, and I use some of our diamond money to invest in Indian Airlines. We get a subscription to Indian Stewardess magazine, and we peruse the development of this modern and well-groomed Eastern travel company. Eileen wonders if consumerism now is really about the aesthetics of diaries.
EILEEN: I'm going to record all this capitalism sarcasm in audio-recordings.
ISAAC (ME): Sure; make a tape/cassette and call it, Capitalism Creatures.
LAPD: Once we capture this Santander/RedBox bandit, we'll make sure he's not romanticized as a consumerism disease!
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"Money is everything" (Ecclesiastes)
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The modern media era was all about access to media, entertainment, and movies. Services such as Netflix and Napster delivered online instant cinema and musical classics to consumers all over America. This was the advantage of living in the USA. You could literally shop for any kind of synthetically constructed Hollywood daydream, or lifestyle stories.
One of the most popular emergent convenience services in this new age was of course RedBox. This service allowed consumers to walk up to conveniently placed movie and video-game rental vending machines and use prepaid cards to get instant DVDs, Blu-ray movies, and video-games for home use. This was way better than mail-in movie rentals or even online downloading, since affordable conveniences allowed consumers to access instant entertainment and deliver it promptly and reliably.
RedBox was considered as groundbreaking in the world of modern capitalism and consumerism as was the Sega Genesis video-game system in the 1990s. This was a pioneering shift in the way we got to access home-use entertainment. Movies and games were suddenly as easy to procure as library books or confection-stand pretzels from the city. RedBox machines could be found outside supermarkets, drugstores, and even post offices!
My name's Isaac Satan. I'm a bank robber. I'm from Algeria, but I'm a US citizen with a valid passport. I live in LA (California). I use Santander banking services as well as RedBox to get movies like Get Shorty and The Italian Job to enjoy with my girlfriend Eileen in our LA loft. Consumerism affords us a special democratic feeling in America now.
So why you ask am I seeking to rob a Santander bank in San Francisco this autumn? Well, I'm going to walk in with a head-gear and mask and sunglasses and holding a toy machine-gun. I want to take the $10 million diamonds held in safe-box #445 of the Santander bank in San Francisco, belonging to a very corrupt Saudi druglord living in Napa. I found out about these diamonds from a nightclub owner in San Diego last year. I'll be stealing these diamonds in the name of ethical capitalism.
I walk into the Santander bank with my toy machine-guns and tell the manager and guards that my toy guns are actually filled with boiling hot water. They laugh at first but I assure them that I intend to shoot the guns at their hands and chests and create very uncomfortable if minor burns unless they direct me towards safe box #445 so I can procure the Saudi diamonds. The guard begins to look nervous, but the manager is still defiant. Therefore, I tell the manager I'm an ex-CIA agent seeking to take the diamonds belonging to the corrupt Saudi druglord living in California and owning the diamonds in safe box #445 I intend to steal!
MANAGER: Why should I believe you?
ISAAC (ME): Trust me, I'm ex-government!
MANAGER: Why should I believe our Saudi investor is a druglord?
ISAAC: Trust me, I'm ex-government!
MANAGER: I'm going to set off the computer alarm now!
ISAAC: Don't do it; this Saudi evildoer is not someone you want to help.
MANAGER: What if he's enraged by our failure in security?
ISAAC: You can tell him the diamonds were stolen by a lunatic.
MANAGER: Well, they are insured.
ISAAC: Exactly, man; plus, you can tell the press this Saudi investor is respected!
MANAGER: What'll you accomplish?
ISAAC: I can watch Spy Game on RedBox with my girl, knowing this Saudi's diamonds are sold!
MANAGER: Why?
ISAAC: Hey, doesn't Santander need some modern age good old storytelling?
MANAGER: I suppose I can accept your non-terrorist threats.
ISAAC: You don't want boiling hot water mess at your distinguished bank.
MANAGER: No.
I grap the $million diamonds belonging to the evil Saudi druglord and grab my girlfriend Eileen who's talking to some sleazy biker outside the bank. We hop on my Honda scooter and make our way to LAX. She's really impressed, but she could've been easily distracted!
EILEEIN: Where're we going, Isaac Satan?
ISAAC (ME): We're flying to Rio.
EILEEN: Cool!
This is the modern age of capitalism and commerce and some mild forms of consumerism sarcasm. After all, maybe you're bored with Starbucks and Fabletics, but it's these companies that separate us from the fundamentally lunatic nations such as North Korea and Iran which harbor enduring feelings of censorship. In America, we care about good old free-speech.
Eileen and I fly to Rio, and I use some of our diamond money to invest in Indian Airlines. We get a subscription to Indian Stewardess magazine, and we peruse the development of this modern and well-groomed Eastern travel company. Eileen wonders if consumerism now is really about the aesthetics of diaries.
EILEEN: I'm going to record all this capitalism sarcasm in audio-recordings.
ISAAC (ME): Sure; make a tape/cassette and call it, Capitalism Creatures.
LAPD: Once we capture this Santander/RedBox bandit, we'll make sure he's not romanticized as a consumerism disease!
====
"Money is everything" (Ecclesiastes)
