jokes

[lg325]

 

[Ringo]

The circus master of ceremonies:
- And now the famous acrobats are performing...
A voice from the audience:
- Faggots! All acrobats are faggots! Normal men don't wear tight tights...
The master of ceremonies:
- The next act on our program is the famous clown...
A voice from the audience:
- Faggots! All clowns are faggots!
They put on lipstick, paint their cheeks, put on wigs! Faggots!
The master of ceremonies:
- And now, attention! For the first time in history, a death-defying act! A man climbs up to the dome and jumps down without a safety harness, without a trampoline...
A scream from the audience:
- Faggots! Where are you dragging me?!

 

[Ringo]

-Honey, remember you said that you would do everything I asked for?
-Of course, my love!
-Then find me a normal boyfriend!

-What are your strengths?
-I know how to say "no."
-Can you give an example when this was useful?
-No.

-Tell me, buddy, when do men reach middle age?
-That's when one bottle of whiskey is no longer enough, and two women are already too many.

-Answer me straight, do you love me? Yes or no? Choose one word!
-Or.

 

[Captain Caveman]

A woman in heaven is called an angel.

A crowd of women in heaven is called a host of angels.

All women in heaven is called peace on earth.

 

[Ringo]

Can you believe it? He's only interested in my money, my house in Florida and my mom's restaurant!
-Really? You should kick him out!
How would you kick out of an IRS agent?

A woman can be driven to hysterics by any trifle.
And only a woman can make a man hysterical.

When choosing beachwear, the most important thing is to make sure its owner has swimed far enough away.

 

[Ringo]

When a salesperson approaches me and my wife in a perfume store with a question: “Can I help you?”, I sincerely reply, ”You can! Kick us out of here, please!”

 

[Ringo]

Darling, if I go bankrupt, will you still love me?
Of course, but I'll miss you so much.

 

[Ringo]

Nowadays, aliens don't abduct people as often as they used to.
Looks like we're not the only planet that's cutting back on funding for space exploration.

 

[Dr.Destructo]

Why do people in Greece hate waking up at dawn?

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Because dawn is tough on Greece.

 

[Dr.Destructo]

Why is it called PMS?

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Because Mad Cow Diesease was already taken.

 

[Dr.Destructo]

 

[Dr.Destructo]

 

[Dr.Destructo]

 

[Dr.Destructo]

 

[Dr.Destructo]

 

[Dr.Destructo]

 

[Dr.Destructo]

 

[Dr.Destructo]

 

[Dr.Destructo]

 

[Dr.Destructo]