Is Marriage Dead?

[ekrem]

Maybe those men married problematic women and realized this only at a later point after marriage. Not everyone has the nerves to deal with problematic women a life-time.
Especially if you've the money to 'buy' a new one (celebrity-factor).

There was a reason for traditional courtship. It was to avoid the very problems you people keep citing as a condemnation of marriage. You're railing against a problem you've created.

I am not against marriage. To the contrary.
I just wrote my thoughts down about celebrities and marriage.
And financial aspect of marriage.
Maybe sometimes a divorce is the needed step in someone's life-point, but because of financial aspect that someone can not send her from where she came from, other questions will come especially if you bought with her a house or have outstanding credits and such thing.

 

[ekrem]

A member even talked about his wife closing the down-shop.
I can also think of women using that as some kind of weapon or award/punishment, like a dog who is given awards after a desired behavior.

It's common knowledge, that after some years of marriage intercourse becomes rare. So if the man is still active, and he does not get what he wants, then maybe the wife realizes what power she really possesses.

 

[High_Gravity]

A member even talked about his wife closing the down-shop.
I can also think of women using that as some kind of weapon or award/punishment, like a dog who is given awards after a desired behavior.

It's common knowledge, that after some years of marriage intercourse becomes rare. So if the man is still active, and he does not get what he wants, then maybe the wife realizes what power she really possesses.

Thats another reason why marriage is a joke.

 

[logical4u]

(...)
People tend to think money has something to do with the high divorce rates but it actually doesn't, people with higher incomes actually get divorced at higher rates than people with lesser money. Look at these people for examples, Tony Parker, Shaquille O'neal, Dwayne Wade and Mel Gibson. (...)

Maybe those men married problematic women and realized this only at a later point after marriage. Not everyone has the nerves to deal with problematic women a life-time.
Especially if you've the money to 'buy' a new one (celebrity-factor).

Maybe the men are "problematic" and do not want to act like a married "man". Maybe if they got their act together, their wives would be thrilled to be with them.

 

[logical4u]

So being a man is staying in a marriage where both parties are miserable? I fail to see what "being a man" has to do with anything? are you saying marriage is a failure because men are not taking care of their responsibilities? women are doing nothing wrong than? you can still "be a man" without getting married.

Friend, judging by your post, you are not stupid...you know exactly what I mean.

But I relish the opportunity to review the situation.

1. I have no opinion about dating, hooking up, or what ever euphemism you choose.

2. But the critical period during which children are possible, is one for which both parties should take responsibility. Prior to such time, introspection should include, 'how will I assume responsibility if children result,' and 'how does this partner fit the model as a) a parent for my child, and b) a person to whom I can commit a lifetime'

Note, I have not commented on who or when you choose a partner, but simply that one should have made the decisions prior to 'the moment.'

If you hide behind some bogus 'not being able to help myself,' or the latest permutation, 'I'm a sex addict,' you should be prepared to stand by and raise that helpless innocent...and you deserve no respect for whinng about how 'unhappy' you are.

We humans are of a higher level because we have the ability, and obligation, to think about our actions.

What to do when you find yourself in a 'failed marriage'? My best guess is that you behave in a civil manner toward the spouse you once loved, and behave in a loving manner toward the child. For eighteen years...then go your way.

3. If you can behave otherwise, and still be happy with yourself, then we have no correspondence on this matter.

Have you ever been married? staying married with someone that you no longer love for 18 years can do more damage to the children than actually helping them, when the kids see their mom and dad fighting and screaming at each other everyday how does that help their development? A large part of why alot of marriages fail is because people feel obligated to get married to someone because they have children, and then it all ends up burning to the ground anyways. Alot of the times you really don't know the person you married until its too late.

If you are yelling and screaming at each other, you should take "adult" classes (both of you, if possible). You can talk yourself into "love" as easy as you can talk yourself out of "love". Family developement doesn't just happen on the child level. The parents sacrifice and grow by putting their children's "needs" (not wants) above their own, and in doing so, learn to give more to their spouse. You cannot change the way another person acts, you can only change the way you re-act to them. If your re-action is more mature, chances are their re-actions will begin to match yours.
If you married someone to keep your crotch happy, only, your marriage will be a failure from the beginning. You are ignoring the rest of your personality and the rest of their personality. There is a reason people that have been married a while are more confident and happier than those that haven't. They have learned to trust on a level, that those that are not married cannot even imagine. Good Luck with growing into that "awesome person".

 

[william the wie]

Sorry the major cause of divorce is inflation because it leads to a miscalculation of wealth and income and therefore relative fitness of a mate. Extrapolating divorce trends during a currency collapse does not work well.

People tend to think money has something to do with the high divorce rates but it actually doesn't, people with higher incomes actually get divorced at higher rates than people with lesser money. Look at these people for examples, Tony Parker, Shaquille O'neal, Dwayne Wade and Mel Gibson. Very wealthy people with all the money in the world and they could not hold their marriages together, how good of a chance does an average schmoe off the streets have at succeding at marriage when these guys can't even pull it off? actually people with lesser monies stay married because alot of the times they have nowhere to go and getting divorced is expensive, so they tolerate the misery and hell and stay married.

Money per se does not have anything to do with marriage or divorce it is simply a measure of relative fitness. Mess up a reliable metric to mating and childbearing/rearing decisions and the result is divorce.

 

[JBeukema]

Then don't have children

The simplest solutions are oft the best

 

[JBeukema]

Don't make any children with women you are unsure about.

Amazing how such simple matters are lost on some people, aint it?

 

[JBeukema]

Yeah whatever.

I know, she used some big word any wrote past a third-grade reading level. It's difficult for you, isn't it? I'm not surprised you can't form an intelligent rebuttal. It's par for the course with you.

Whatever ***** all you do is come on here to talk shit, plus your dumb as **** as well. "she used some big word any wrote past a third grade reading level" what the hell does that mean? you are stupid as ****.

You attack my intellect over a typo and don't proofread the post in which you do so?

 

[JBeukema]

A member even talked about his wife closing the down-shop.
I can also think of women using that as some kind of weapon or award/punishment, like a dog who is given awards after a desired behavior.

It's common knowledge, that after some years of marriage intercourse becomes rare. So if the man is still active, and he does not get what he wants, then maybe the wife realizes what power she really possesses.

Thats another reason why marriage is a joke.

I take it you're against anti-spousal rape laws then?

 

[syrenn]

A member even talked about his wife closing the down-shop.
I can also think of women using that as some kind of weapon or award/punishment, like a dog who is given awards after a desired behavior.

It's common knowledge, that after some years of marriage intercourse becomes rare. So if the man is still active, and he does not get what he wants, then maybe the wife realizes what power she really possesses.

And what happens if its the man who cant preform and its the woman who isnt getting what she wants?

 

[JBeukema]

A member even talked about his wife closing the down-shop.
I can also think of women using that as some kind of weapon or award/punishment, like a dog who is given awards after a desired behavior.

It's common knowledge, that after some years of marriage intercourse becomes rare. So if the man is still active, and he does not get what he wants, then maybe the wife realizes what power she really possesses.

And what happens if its the man who cant preform and its the woman who isnt getting what she wants?

time for a visit to ye olde sex shoppe for a cock ring and a battery-operated boyfriend?

 

[Modbert]

Marriage isn't dead. Why it's an institute you cannot disparage. Go ask the local gentry, they'll tell you it's elementary.

 

[syrenn]

A member even talked about his wife closing the down-shop.
I can also think of women using that as some kind of weapon or award/punishment, like a dog who is given awards after a desired behavior.

It's common knowledge, that after some years of marriage intercourse becomes rare. So if the man is still active, and he does not get what he wants, then maybe the wife realizes what power she really possesses.

And what happens if its the man who cant preform and its the woman who isnt getting what she wants?

time for a visit to ye olde sex shoppe for a cock ring and a battery-operated boyfriend?

Yes i know that. So how about the men get some lube and head honcho.

However, what it appears to me ekrem is saying, is that its only the womans fault that sex becomes non existent and that its a fair pass if men cheat if their wives aren't interested in the man any more.

 

[JBeukema]

If the success of your marriage hinges on sex, you probably shouldn't have gotten married.

What happens when she's old and dry and he's old and flaccid?

 

[syrenn]

If the success of your marriage hinges on sex, you probably shouldn't have gotten married.

What happens when she's old and dry and he's old and flaccid?

I agree. And that is a big part of the marriage failures today. They base a relation on sex. Sex is only a part of marriage. If you dont have a good relationship to begin with in my opinion you marriage will fail.

 

[JBeukema]

“I believe in marriage. I think intimacy, bonding, and families have value.”
—Betty Friedan

She called the failure of her own marriage "perhaps my main regret" in a Monitor interview. "I believe in marriage. I think intimacy, bonding, and families have value." Expressing the hope that her grandchildren would marry and have children, she said, "Families are a great thing."

http://www.csmonitor.com/2006/0207/p02s02-ussc.html

 

[JBeukema]

'Real-life marriage is more than a wedding. Marriage is a lifetime commitment that requires long-term respective'
-Carrie Lukas

 

[JBeukema]

[ame=http://www.amazon.com/Case-Marriage-Married-Healthier-Financially/dp/0385500858]Amazon.com: The Case for Marriage: Why Married People are Happier, Healthier, and Better off Financially (9780385500852): Linda Waite, Maggie Gallagher: Books[/ame]

 

[JBeukema]

Couples who move in together before marriage have up to two times the odds of divorce, as compared with couples who marry before living together. Moreover, married couples who have lived together before exchanging vows tend to have poorer-quality marriages than couples who moved in after the wedding. Those who cohabited first report less satisfaction, more arguing, poorer communication and lower levels of commitment. Many researchers now argue that our penchant for combining households before taking vows is undermining our ability to commit. Meaning, the precautions we take to ensure marriage is right for us may wind up working against us.

The Perils of Playing House | Psychology Today