In other news...

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... according to The New Yorker, Hispanic Senator Ted Cruz is "uppity". Uhm, racist says what?

 

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... nothing says respect better then forgetting name of the person you just shook hand with in the front of a global audience. Look, it's a Afghan President Ashraf Ghani standing next to, uhm.., uhh...

 

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... according to Homeland Security Secretary Johnson, reading a Koran reminds him of "quintessential American values". What's more quintessentially American then marrying six year old? But you can't say Merry Christmas in government schools. No-no.

 

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... San Francisco is debating introduction of new class in schools next year that will teach kids how homosexuality is new way to reduce teen pregnancies.

 

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... Increasing Number Of Men Pressured To Accept Realistic Standards Of Female Beauty. I thought The Onion was supposed to be satire.

 

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... they're not illegal aliens, they're Americans-in-waiting. But they're probably mean inmates-in-waiting.

 

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... during his recent "town-hall" on immigration, Barry threatened "consequences" on law enforcement officers who attempted to enforce the law. What you gonna do Barry, deport them?

 

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... according to always credible National Security Adviser Susan Rice, Netanyahu address to the Congress was "destructive". She still need to clarify if was more or less destructive then calling him a "chicken shit" behind his back.

 

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... according to SanFran Pelosi, members of Congress are living paycheck to paycheck. Damn, if this keeps up, she might have to fire her pool boy and one of her gardeners.

 

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... calling Hillary by her first name only is now considered sexist. Maybe she should call her campaign...

 

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... according to "let me be clear" Barry, his daughter bought with asthma was caused by global warming. His smoking has absolutely nothing to do with it.

 

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... Lincoln Chafee of Rhode Island is considering a run for a Democrat presidential nomination. His qualifications? Well, he's not Hillary.

 

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... tough week for kids at Rolling Stone. First, the UVA story falls apart, then their cover boy Tsarnaev is guilty on all 30 counts. If this keeps up, Jann Wenner will have to sell... one of his planes.

 

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... lefty hate blog Salon celebrated Easter by revealing: "Jesus went to hell: The Christian history churches would rather not acknowledge". Not acknowledge? Isn't that in the Apostle's creed? Oooh, Apostle's creed... we thought...

 

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... Joe, that pacifier is not yours, give it back. So sorry, all binkies looks the same to Joe.

 

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... after announcing her big announcement for several months, last Sunday Hillary finally said it: "I'm running!" The response... We know. For the past eight years.

 

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... there is at least one guy who is ready for Hillary. While she's running around, Bill will just sit back on quiet island and keep an eye on "kids".

 

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... no need to worry about Hillary's financial backers, these are some of the finest people ever that oppressed Christians, Jews, and women. It's all there in the email... oooh, email.

 

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... Democrat party chair Debbie Waserman Schultz defended Hillary by claiming that GOP has "no new ideas". Therefore we should vote for old white lady who was alive before color television.

 

[Ame®icano]

... at the same time, Harry Reid said that Republican candidates are "losers". Yeah, homeboy lost the Senate and a fight with rubber band in less then three months, he knows what losing feels like, he's an expert on losing.