I had an interesting conversation this evening.

[syrenn]

My point is you aren't civil, or honest, in your posts on the open board.

Your private demeanor and communication style is quite different, per daveman. Go figure, you're a hypocrite. Tell us something we didn't know already.

It occurs to me that maybe I'm not the only one who uses this board as a place to vent pain and anger.

[MENTION=31640]koshergrl[/MENTION]
[MENTION=32558]Luddly Neddite[/MENTION]

I tell you what.... how about the two of you try and be civil with each other in the tavern and see how it goes?

its not about politics....or this board. Its about trying to be.... your real. You know, the civil side where you can at least try and get along and play nice with others.

[MENTION=23991]daveman[/MENTION]....... and you too!

 

[syrenn]

My point is you aren't civil, or honest, in your posts on the open board.

Your private demeanor and communication style is quite different, per daveman. Go figure, you're a hypocrite. Tell us something we didn't know already.

It occurs to me that maybe I'm not the only one who uses this board as a place to vent pain and anger.

pain and anger are an interesting thing.... i call them the beast.

The question you have to ask yourself is... who wears the collar...and who holds the leash.

I hold the leash...... and the beast wears a collar on a tight rein.

 

[Book of Jeremiah]

Everybody is a real person, particularly to themselves.

What separates the chaff from the wheat is how they treat, or propose to treat, others. Name calling and shit flinging on the board is a mode of communication...and anyone will maintain in private convo that they are complex people with Really Good Reasons for being who they are...and there's no doubt they really believe they are fully justified in whatever crap philosophy they support and spread.

But the test of humanity isn't in how socially adept they are, or how dearly they hold their own beliefs. It's how their beliefs, applied, affect other people.

Luddly is dishonest as the day is long, and the purpose of his dishonesty is to make a shithole out of the world. I could care less that he's charming and delighful, and REALLY BELIEVES the shit he spews. I could have told you he believes it...well, he believes some of it. Some of it is just a pack of lies meant to promote a culture of death and disease.

So, meh. The devil disguises himself in many ways, but he's still the devil.

No, he's not. He's the one of the most genuine, beautiful people I've ever met in my life. Haven't you ever hurt before? I have! I have shared my own personal story of pain and suffering with Luddly and never once did I fear he would tell anyone about it. I knew he wouldn't. He is a faithful friend. How often do you find one of those out there?

By Luddly sharing his own private thoughts, experiences he gave me courage to share my own! It is hell to live with something and not tell others because you fear they will judge you as an "unforgiving christian"! I could not carry that burden forever, KG.

I am telling you the truth when I tell you that Luddly has helped me more than I thought humanly possible. There is no one who will ever understand you as well as the one who has walked in your shoes before. He helped me to see myself differently and I find I great comfort and solace in having Luddly for a friend.

I have to tell you that when you are hurting Luddly you're hurting me. He's not the devil, he's a G-d send and I'm grateful for him. One day maybe I will openly talk about my own pain but right now I'm not ready for all that. In the meantime, realize that the world is just not as black and white as you think it is, Koshergirl. It just isn't.

- Jeri

 

[Book of Jeremiah]

My point is you aren't civil, or honest, in your posts on the open board.

Your private demeanor and communication style is quite different, per daveman. Go figure, you're a hypocrite. Tell us something we didn't know already.

It occurs to me that maybe I'm not the only one who uses this board as a place to vent pain and anger.

It hasn't dawned on her yet that your demeanor and communication style with Dave is the real you. When it does she will fall on her face and cry for a week. I did it for two. What can I say but sorry, friend. You're such a precious gift in my life. I thank you for your friendship. It is a rare gift and I don't ever want to take it for granted, Luddly.

Sincerely, Jeri

 

[Luddly Neddite]

Until one walks in the shoes of another, one really has no right to judge.

Its easy to tell someone to "hold the leash" and there is surely a very real truth there but what Jeremiah said about me, I second about him. At a time when I honestly wondered if I could survive what happened to me, Jeremiah held out a hand to me. No judging, no preaching - but total acceptance and understanding of my reality, my experience.

The same with Dave. He could have chopped me up into little pieces but, instead, he also held out his hand in a sincere offer of friendship.

I value that beyond words. Chances are, if "you" were wearing my shoes right now, you just might say the same thing. But of course, YMMV.

 

[Book of Jeremiah]

I have cried so much now I have given myself a headache. Thanks, Dave. First time I've ever thanked anyone for a headache. Also to Ropey: Sorry, Ropey. I could have tried harder. Next time I will.

 

[Ropey]

I have cried so much now I have given myself a headache. Thanks, Dave. First time I've ever thanked anyone for a headache. Also to Ropey: Sorry, Ropey. I could have tried harder. Next time I will.

I'm not sure why you feel sorry. I've been having fun with our forum posts.

 

[syrenn]

Until one walks in the shoes of another, one really has no right to judge.

Its easy to tell someone to "hold the leash" and there is surely a very real truth there but what Jeremiah said about me, I second about him. At a time when I honestly wondered if I could survive what happened to me, Jeremiah held out a hand to me. No judging, no preaching - but total acceptance and understanding of my reality, my experience.

The same with Dave. He could have chopped me up into little pieces but, instead, he also held out his hand in a sincere offer of friendship.

I value that beyond words. Chances are, if "you" were wearing my shoes right now, you just might say the same thing. But of course, YMMV.

the thing is... unless other know... how do you expect them to react to you? You dont know what my real is, and i dont know what your real is.... so we are equal.

and for all of that.... no one life's experience gives them the right to bludgeon the world around them..... i am sorry, its all and excuse and a cop out.

Behaving badly is behaving badly.

 

[Connery]

Until one walks in the shoes of another, one really has no right to judge.

Its easy to tell someone to "hold the leash" and there is surely a very real truth there but what Jeremiah said about me, I second about him. At a time when I honestly wondered if I could survive what happened to me, Jeremiah held out a hand to me. No judging, no preaching - but total acceptance and understanding of my reality, my experience.

The same with Dave. He could have chopped me up into little pieces but, instead, he also held out his hand in a sincere offer of friendship.

I value that beyond words. Chances are, if "you" were wearing my shoes right now, you just might say the same thing. But of course, YMMV.

the thing is... unless other know... how do you expect them to react to you? You dont know what my real is, and i dont know what your real is.... so we are equal.

and for all of that.... no one life's experience gives them the right to bludgeon the world around them..... i am sorry, its all and excuse and a cop out.

Behaving badly is behaving badly.

...and that will never have a positive outcome in any arena; real or virtual.

 

[Luddly Neddite]

Until one walks in the shoes of another, one really has no right to judge.

Its easy to tell someone to "hold the leash" and there is surely a very real truth there but what Jeremiah said about me, I second about him. At a time when I honestly wondered if I could survive what happened to me, Jeremiah held out a hand to me. No judging, no preaching - but total acceptance and understanding of my reality, my experience.

The same with Dave. He could have chopped me up into little pieces but, instead, he also held out his hand in a sincere offer of friendship.

I value that beyond words. Chances are, if "you" were wearing my shoes right now, you just might say the same thing. But of course, YMMV.

the thing is... unless other know... how do you expect them to react to you? You dont know what my real is, and i dont know what your real is.... so we are equal.

and for all of that.... no one life's experience gives them the right to bludgeon the world around them..... i am sorry, its all and excuse and a cop out.

Behaving badly is behaving badly.

...and that will never have a positive outcome in any arena; real or virtual.

I couldn't agree more - with both your posts.

Hence my determination to not join the flame fests.

 

[Book of Jeremiah]

I have cried so much now I have given myself a headache. Thanks, Dave. First time I've ever thanked anyone for a headache. Also to Ropey: Sorry, Ropey. I could have tried harder. Next time I will.

I'm not sure why you feel sorry. I've been having fun with our forum posts.

I'm sorry because sometimes I read into things - messages that aren't there. I'm not healed yet. I'm trying to work it out but it just seems like it isn't happening fast enough. I'm sorry because whatever that is in me is coming out sideways at other people and in this case - you - over a poem. I hate that about myself. I'm sorry if I have hurt you. It's me lashing out at something that has nothing to do with you. I'm working on it, Ropey. It's a start. I love your beautiful poetic mind. You truly are a gifted poet. I admire your talent and grieve over my own blindness. - Jeremiah

 

[syrenn]

I have cried so much now I have given myself a headache. Thanks, Dave. First time I've ever thanked anyone for a headache. Also to Ropey: Sorry, Ropey. I could have tried harder. Next time I will.

I'm not sure why you feel sorry. I've been having fun with our forum posts.

I'm sorry because sometimes I read into things - messages that aren't there. I'm not healed yet. I'm trying to work it out but it just seems like it isn't happening fast enough. I'm sorry because whatever that is in me is coming out sideways at other people and in this case - you - over a poem. I hate that about myself. I'm sorry if I have hurt you. It's me lashing out at something that has nothing to do with you. I'm working on it, Ropey. It's a start. I love your beautiful poetic mind. You truly are a gifted poet. I admire your talent and grieve over my own blindness. - Jeremiah

jeri...

there are A LOT of people who read more into things then are really there. It is not just you. You would be amazed at what people read into my avatars.

 

[Derideo_Te]

I'm not sure why you feel sorry. I've been having fun with our forum posts.

I'm sorry because sometimes I read into things - messages that aren't there. I'm not healed yet. I'm trying to work it out but it just seems like it isn't happening fast enough. I'm sorry because whatever that is in me is coming out sideways at other people and in this case - you - over a poem. I hate that about myself. I'm sorry if I have hurt you. It's me lashing out at something that has nothing to do with you. I'm working on it, Ropey. It's a start. I love your beautiful poetic mind. You truly are a gifted poet. I admire your talent and grieve over my own blindness. - Jeremiah

jeri...

there are A LOT of people who read more into things then are really there. It is not just you. You would be amazed at what people read into my avatars.

 

[koshergrl]

Everybody is a real person, particularly to themselves.

What separates the chaff from the wheat is how they treat, or propose to treat, others. Name calling and shit flinging on the board is a mode of communication...and anyone will maintain in private convo that they are complex people with Really Good Reasons for being who they are...and there's no doubt they really believe they are fully justified in whatever crap philosophy they support and spread.

But the test of humanity isn't in how socially adept they are, or how dearly they hold their own beliefs. It's how their beliefs, applied, affect other people.

Luddly is dishonest as the day is long, and the purpose of his dishonesty is to make a shithole out of the world. I could care less that he's charming and delighful, and REALLY BELIEVES the shit he spews. I could have told you he believes it...well, he believes some of it. Some of it is just a pack of lies meant to promote a culture of death and disease.

So, meh. The devil disguises himself in many ways, but he's still the devil.

No, he's not. He's the one of the most genuine, beautiful people I've ever met in my life. Haven't you ever hurt before? I have! I have shared my own personal story of pain and suffering with Luddly and never once did I fear he would tell anyone about it. I knew he wouldn't. He is a faithful friend. How often do you find one of those out there?

By Luddly sharing his own private thoughts, experiences he gave me courage to share my own! It is hell to live with something and not tell others because you fear they will judge you as an "unforgiving christian"! I could not carry that burden forever, KG.

I am telling you the truth when I tell you that Luddly has helped me more than I thought humanly possible. There is no one who will ever understand you as well as the one who has walked in your shoes before. He helped me to see myself differently and I find I great comfort and solace in having Luddly for a friend.

I have to tell you that when you are hurting Luddly you're hurting me. He's not the devil, he's a G-d send and I'm grateful for him. One day maybe I will openly talk about my own pain but right now I'm not ready for all that. In the meantime, realize that the world is just not as black and white as you think it is, Koshergirl. It just isn't.

- Jeri

Dishonest is dishonest. If he's dishonest in one arena, he's dishonest in all arenas.

Just sayin. When a dishonest person is wonderful and kind, it isn't because they're stellar people. It's because they're manipulative.

 

[Book of Jeremiah]

Not me! I see a beautiful gal! Whether it is your beautiful legs and hands or the other part of ya! As you are blessed with beauty I say more power to you, Syrenn. Personally though... I think the most beautiful part of you is your mind! Your poetry inspires the potential in us all. Thank you for that. You are a favorite writer of mine. You've got a lot of wisdom and I glean from it often. - Jeri

 

[hjmick]

Hmmm...

 

[wavingrl]

I'm not sure why you feel sorry. I've been having fun with our forum posts.

I'm sorry because sometimes I read into things - messages that aren't there. I'm not healed yet. I'm trying to work it out but it just seems like it isn't happening fast enough. I'm sorry because whatever that is in me is coming out sideways at other people and in this case - you - over a poem. I hate that about myself. I'm sorry if I have hurt you. It's me lashing out at something that has nothing to do with you. I'm working on it, Ropey. It's a start. I love your beautiful poetic mind. You truly are a gifted poet. I admire your talent and grieve over my own blindness. - Jeremiah

jeri...

there are A LOT of people who read more into things then are really there. It is not just you. You would be amazed at what people read into my avatars.

not intending to intrude--but lots of us have been there and are there.

whatever it is--you are much more. wishing you well. both of you.

~~~
A few boards have tried relationship forums or some 'protected area' for sharing 'stuff'.
Depending on the posters they worked well or were problematic. Communicating one on one off line is probably a better way.
Some people are attracted to drama and visit message boards to 'spew' on others--I certainly learned that the hard way. Agendas--yes, that goes.

 

[daveman]

I enjoy substantive conversations, doing research to back up my arguments. It can be frustrating, though, having that research immediately dismissed and ridiculed. Hey, I spent TIME doing that! Read it, you jerk! But the jerk doesn't read it, so I'm less likely to spend time doing research the next time. And ultimately, there's no research at all, and there's nothing left but insults.

And the above shows us why, when TROLLISM is tolerated on a board, GENUINE intelligent conversations, discussions and debates become almost impossible.

And making serious and fruitful discussion about these issues impossible is what TROLLS REALLY ARE SEEKING.

A lot of players here aren't interested in the issues, they're interested in EGO GRATIFICATION.

If they can hurt somebody's feels it gives these folks a lift.

That's true. But what can be done about it? The mods have real lives, too. They don't want to have to approve every single post before it goes up.

 

[koshergrl]

The mods do not have real lives.

I have this on the best authority.

 

[daveman]

Thanks!!!


Yep, here we can say what we think without the requisite need to make amends. In Real Life someone is always getting their nose out of joint..

Ummm...how many threads have you and the rest of the staff had to move to Badlands? People get their noses out of joint here, too.

I suggest you review the Rules as there are many reasons and instances where a thread may get moved any sub-forum.

Moreover, my position was never couched in a Pollyanna-like view of what a occurs in any setting virtual or real, it was based on my observation, experience and environment where I have make most of my arguments, indeed, the order of the day is adversarial and cutthroat.

But when it's that adversarial and cutthroat, the signal gets lost in the noise. The only people who wind up hearing your arguments are those who already agree with them.

Of course the only behavior we can control is our own. You can't MAKE the other guy calmly consider your views.

I was given a wonderful opportunity -- a chance for some introspection. The purpose of this thread is to pay it forward.

Maybe -- just maybe -- we can make the signal a little stronger, and the noise a little lower.

We don't have to all sit around holding hands singing "Give Peace a Chance". But maybe some of us can start talking instead of screaming.

By the way -- thanks for making such an awesome place to hang out.