Whose idea was it for you to be baptized? Is it something you wanted?
I told you this story before somewhere else but it was years ago. And we both are getting old, girly, lol.
Some preacher came to the door with his flock of women. Daddy was in the den, mom at work. When he saw it was the preacher, he left me with them because Daddy was very much christian and read the bible every night. He trusted me with them. They commenced to tell me how I needed to be saved, that I needed to be baptized (I didn't even know what that was cuz I didn't go to church. All I knew was I had God as my friend that I wrote notes to. Dad never asked me to go to church..he figured if I wanted to, I would say so. Even then, I was content to have my personal relationship with God in a different way. In climbing trees, listening to birds, laying in gras and staring at clouds sometimes crying because they were so beautiful, etc etc). No, I did not ask to be baptized. No, I didn't want it. Didn't think I needed it. Why be dunked in water to be closer to someone I already felt close to? But they scared the shit out of me. What if God was angry because I was not dunked? What if He would punish me? Would He still be my friend? So I agreed.
Dad wanted Mom to close the business so he could be baptized in the river jordan. For reals. But she always said she didn't want to travel there or close the store. So he never got to go.
Years later....my sister attended a church and it was a small town. The preacher told her Dad was in hell because he owned a bar and served alcohol. She got up and left because he said it in front of the congregation and all the lemmings nodded their head as he preached about how Dad was burning. She never went back. However, she does attend a church now, somewhere. I never asked where. She and I are not that close.
No, I will not be baptized again. I see no need. But that is MY path. I don't like churches. My yard is my church.
Honey Gracie, you can baptize yourself in the shower. You don't need a church or an audience. My husband and I were baptized in the creek in front of the house. In December. We had to break through the ice.

oh baby. I baptized the youth group kids in that creek. My loyal Newfi was always right there beside them. They baptized others there.
You need: you, a bath tub, pond, creek, or ocean, a grateful heart, and a desire to live for Christ. You have to believe that: 1. you are a sinner, and 2. that Jesus Christ, the Son of God, paid for your sins so that nothing could stand between you and your loving Dad. And you desire that gift of Grace, Christ offers you. And you thank Him.
And ask for a portion of God's Holy Spirit, another gift. As sweet as your heart already is, it will feel new and refreshed coming up out of that water. It will be a heart for the one that loved you first. Your brother, the Messiah.
Christ called our Father, Abba. It describes a closer relationship than Dad, and not nearly as formal as Father. He is All Mighty to some, but to those that draw near Him He is All Mighty and Daddy. We are so blessed.
Merry Christmas to you every day Gracie. You certainly are your Daddy's daughter.